


Tell the Northern Lights to Keep Shining

by QueenHimiko



Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-12 08:28:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenHimiko/pseuds/QueenHimiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Although the world is full of suffering , it also full of overcoming it." Lina has to learn to overcome after one bad night that she thought could never happen to her. Trigger warnings for rape, unwanted pregnancy, abortion. COMPLETE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Then I Heard You Scream From the Other Side of the Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Slayers. The title for this fic is from "Amber Waves" by Tori Amos. This title for this first chapter is from "Star Whisperer", also by Tori Amos.
> 
> Helen Keller once said: "Although the world is full of suffering , it also full of overcoming it." This is a tale of the healing journey from trauma. Based on my experiences of working with strong people who have moved on from horrific experiences and gone on to live happy, productive lives and dedicated to them.

Something reminiscent of a cry for help pulled him from sleep. He felt like a downing swimmer who had just surfaced as he gathered his bearings. What had woken him? The smell of blood registered in his nostrils and he became more alert. His heart racing he checked the camp site. He stood up when he realized that Lina was not there.

“Lina!” He shouted as his hand grabbed his sword, gaining comfort in the feel of the cold hilt and rough leather.

His ears strained for some sounds, but all he could hear was the wind through the trees and the chirping of crickets. Nothing helpful. In the dark he could not see the camp well enough to gather many clues, other than being able to deduce that she most likely had left of her own free will. There was no obvious sign of a struggle.

“Lina!” He bellowed at the top of his lungs as he started to search the perimeter of the camp for some sign of where she went.

It wouldn’t have been the first time she'd taken off during the night to attack a bandit camp. But the lack of noise and explosions led him to dismiss that possibility. It was always ridiculously easy to track her when she did that. His gut told him that something else was going on. Something related to the strange ways she had been acting lately.

For the past several weeks she had been too cheerful. He had the feeling she was putting on a mask to cover some deep pain. The moments of intense depression he’d see flash across her eyes when she thought he wasn’t looking confirmed this. And then today that mask seemed to crumble and crack, exposing the despair she was truly feeling. And the fear. Something had terrified her so badly that she did not even feel comfortable talking to him about it. It was as frustrating as it was baffling.

Whatever it was kept her awake at night. He could hear her pacing in her room or practicing spells or making amulets. She’d come down for breakfast with circles under her eyes and some lame excuse about just not being tired. The fact that she had stopped eating and was throwing up mystified him. He was not sure how that fit into the puzzle. Had someone tried to blackmail her by poisoning her? Had she met with some dark character to get an antidote? His mind worked over time to try to figure it out.

“Lina, please!” he called as he felt his heart breaking as panic broke through the surface of his emotions. He took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. She had left all of her stuff at the camp site, indicating that she was not parting ways in the night. The scent of blood was another indication that something had not gone the way she had planned. He was certain that somewhere close by she was hurt. He tried to not think about the possibility that she could be dead. He wouldn’t be able to help her if he couldn’t keep it together. He had to calm down!

The wind changed, the scent of blood growing stronger as it did. He took off against it. She had to be somewhere that way. It paid off. He heard the sound of laughter, her laughter. She was alive! Relief swept through him as he was able to discern her lying propped up against a tree. “Lina!”

She lifted her head up. A welcome sign. He knelt beside her and put a hand on her shoulder, scanning her for injuries. She wiped some blood from her mouth. Her other hand was covered in blood. But where was it from? Her clothes were not torn. “Go away.” She said.

She had to have been attacked. But he could sense no other presence. “Is it gone?” he asked, and then he inhaled as he finally saw that the blood was soaking through her leggings. The wound must be in her lower extremities. Still, he could not find it. And why wasn’t she casting a healing spell?

He couldn’t staunch a wound he couldn’t find. He started to panic.

“Not yet, go away.” She said as her head started to lilt to the side. He grabbed her cheeks.

“Stay with me!” he yelled, “What’s out there? What did this to you?”

The paleness of her face seemed to be emphasized in the moonlight. “It’s over.” She said, her voice was slurred, “I ended it.”

She wasn’t making any sense. He reasoned that blood loss must have made her incoherent. He did a quick scan of the woods. As far as he could tell there was nothing dangerous out there. Whoever or whatever had attacked her must have left. While picking her up and running put him in a vulnerable position should whatever it was come back, if he didn’t get her to a healer soon she would bleed to death.

He scooped her up and she stiffened and brought her arms around for an attack, “No!” she yelled, “Don’t make me! Stop, please…stop.”

Her voice trailed off as she lost consciousness. Gourry reined his fear in as he ran to the nearest town. He did not like the fact that he could feel her blood seeping into his shirt. Wherever it was coming from she seemed to be losing too much blood too fast.

“Please stay with me.” He thought as he ran faster than he could ever remember in his life. “Please. You’re everything to me.”

* * *

 

“Get her on the bed.” The older woman barked.

Gourry did as asked and then stood back. She looked deathly pale, but she was alive. He grabbed her hand as the healers examined her. Her gloves were soaked in blood, and the mere action of grabbing her hand caused a horrible squelching sound to emanate. In the brightly lit room he could see that it was pouring from her crotch. It made even less sense.

“Looks like a miscarriage.” The older woman said as she felt along Lina’s abdomen. “How far along is she?”

Miscarriage? Had he heard that right? Lina could not be pregnant. There was no way! “She’s not pregnant.” He stated dumbly.

“Listen, I don’t care if you’re married or not, if she slept with one man or hundreds, but whatever the facts are she is pregnant and she is losing the baby. I need you to completely honest with me.”

Gourry stared at her in shock. “She can’t be. She’s a virgin.”

The younger woman unabashedly removed Lina’s pants and Gourry turned away as the older woman continued. “Well then she’s getting between the sheets with someone you don’t know about. I can save her, but I don’t think there’s any hope for the baby.”

 _Lina will be okay_. He told himself. The healers had to be wrong. It must have been some spell or attack that made it look that way. There was no way she could have taken a lover without him noticing! He was with her every day, for every moment of it. Sometimes every night if they camped out or had to share a room at a crowded inn. He could always tell when she was having a restless night or difficulty sleeping. He knew when she snuck out to hunt bandits. He would have heard if she had taken a lover.

And it wasn’t as if they had been staying any place long enough to meet someone. And it was not as if he’d noticed her paying attention to anyone. And he would have noticed. It was inconceivable that she could have met someone, formed a relationship and slept with him without Gourry being aware of it.

But then if she had been jilted, wouldn’t that explain her off behavior?

 _She will be all right._ He said to himself to keep the sadness welling within him at bay. There was relief in the knowledge that she would live. It was tinged with immense disappointment in the fact that the lover she had chosen had not been him. The disappointment morphed into anger. After all that they had been through! Part of him knew that she had never made any commitment to him, that she was perfectly free to do as she pleased, but still. It hurt like hell that she might have seen someone else in the place that he had wanted for so long. _But she will be all right!_

He would be there for her. Someone had used her and left her alone and pregnant. That had to be it. She was young. He could forgive her. He could get over this. He would show her that no matter what, he would be there, waiting for the day that she saw him the same way he saw her. He would help her get through this.

But it made no sense! Sleeping around was just not something that Lina did! This was the Lina who flaunted her maidenhood and innocence after all! She wouldn’t even kiss whatsisname in the fake wedding ceremony for a ton of money. And there was little that Lina loved more than a ton of money. Someone who wouldn’t even kiss someone in a mock ceremony surely wasn’t the type for one night stands and secret rendezvous! It had to be a mistake.

“Definitely a miscarriage.” The younger woman said, putting the kibosh on the idea that it had to be some mistake.

“There’s no doubt?” Gourry asked. Once again he could not fathom how it could be that she was pregnant.

“None whatsoever.” The older woman said. “Looks like it had already passed before you got her here. It’s too late for the baby.”

“As long as you can save her.” He said softly as he felt his stomach drop. Behind him he heard the healer cast a spell and waited anxiously…

* * *

 

Slowly her eyes opened and took in the strange room. The healers had left, along with the remains of the child she had been carrying, and had given instructions that she take some herbs to make sure it had all been expelled and to seek help if she developed a fever. She had been dressed in a fresh gown and put into a clean bed. And Gourry was waiting beside her, anxious for her to wake up.

“Hey.” He said, hoping that he did not betray the nervousness he was feeling. He wanted to be supportive and understanding. He wanted things to work between them. And he felt betrayed and angry. Angry that she had somehow taken a lover behind his back. Angry that she hadn’t even told him she was pregnant.

Yes, he wanted things to work out. But he also wanted answers. And he knew that Lina was not going to give them easily. There was going to be a battle ahead.

“Hey.” She said softly. “Where are we?”

“Healer’s.” he said brusquely. It was time to figure out how much she knew. “What happened in the woods?”

“Hm,” she hummed a little too deliberately, “I’m not really sure. I was feeling restless and went to take a walk. I don’t know what happened next.”

Anger tore threw him, swift and sudden. She was lying. He’d traveled with her for a long time and it did not take long for him to learn that she could lie with ease when it suited her needs and how to tell when she was doing it.

“What don’t you want me to know?” he asked, his voice harsher than he wanted it to be.

Her next move surprised him. He was expecting her to yell or protest or lie some more. He was not expecting her to throw off the covers and leap out of bed. “Nothing. Where’s my stuff?” she asked.

Seeing that beating around the bush was not getting him anyone, he decided to lay his cards down. “Did you know about the baby?” He said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible.

She stopped in her tracks as her body stiffened, her eyes widening in panic. When she spoke her voice was low, raspy, and tinged with fear. “What baby?”

Did that mean she didn’t know? Or was she being evasive? His heart sank as he wondered how she would react when she found out that she had miscarried. “You were pregnant.” He said softly. She wrapped her arms around herself as she turned away from him.

“’Were?’ So it’s gone?” she asked, her voice as taunt as a thread about to snap.

“Yes, you lost it.”

She started trembling as whatever it was that held her together shattered. “Good!” she spat as she covered her face with her arms and collapsed onto the floor. She shuddered violently as she cried sobs so massive that they shook her from head to toe.

“Lina?” he gasped, stunned by her reaction. None of it made sense. If she was glad it was gone, why was she crying like this? He watched as she curled into a fetal position.

“I didn’t want you to know!” she moaned between sobs.

“That you were pregnant?” he asked as he knelt down beside her. He thought about her strange words earlier in the woods, how she said she had ended something. He thought about how scared she had been. Had she been scared not of some threat to the world, but of him finding out that she had been with someone? Had she deliberately cast a spell or something to terminate the pregnancy so he wouldn’t find out? His blood ran cold. Just what did she think of him?

She didn’t say anything as her sobs got louder. His patience was starting to run thin. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up to face him, “Lina, look, you’re a grown woman, you can sleep with whomever you like. It’s not my business. Just don’t go risking your life like that again, okay?”

He did not think it was possible for her to grow even paler, but somehow she managed it as her muscles tensed underneath his grip and her eyes dulled, “Let go of me.” She hissed.

He did as she asked, wondering why she seemed so petrified as she breathed deeply, obviously trying to calm and collect herself. Did she think he was going to hurt her? It only aggravated him further. “So, who was he? Did he tell you he would marry you? Promise you a castle? Wine and dine you?”

“It wasn’t like that!” she screamed as fire flared in her eyes. “I…”

She was cut off by her own sob as she shook her head and placed her hand over her mouth, as though willing the memory away. She took a deep, shuddering breath as she looked away from him. “I didn’t want to die.”

At first he was confused as to what not wanting to die would have to do with it. And then his eyes widened in horror as she continued and the pieces of the puzzle rearranged themselves into a horrifying new picture. “I was overpowered, and I didn’t want to die. That’s why I did it.” she whispered as she collapsed forward so that her head was cradled on his thigh as sobs ran through her body like the coming tide.

“Lina…” he whispered as he reached a hand down to stroke her hair. The realization that there was something worse than learning she had chosen another lover over him hit him like a brick to the stomach. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered as he felt tears fall from his eyes.

“They said they would slit my throat if I didn’t…oh god! If I didn’t…What kind of a choice is that?” she screamed, her voice desperate. He realized with a jolt that she wasn’t scared of what he would do to her, but terrified that he wouldn’t believe her. “I didn’t want to!”

“I know you didn’t want to.” he said quietly, not even bothering to wipe the tears from his face, “You don’t have to explain. I believe you.”

He could feel her relax beneath his fingers as the intensity of her sobs died down. He started to rub her back as he struggled to reign in his emotions. Just how close had he come to losing her? “You’re alive. That’s what matters.”

He could feel his pants become damp with her tears as the hurt and shame she had carried alone for so long came pouring out. He wondered how he could have been so dense. Looking back it was glaringly obvious that the way she was acting screamed that she had been traumatized. He’d been blinded by the fact that Lina was the strongest human he had ever met. It did not seem possible that someone could rape her. To his own shame he knew he should have known better than to think like that. He knew from experience that every warrior has their bad day. Every person has to sleep. And suddenly the reason that Lina was not sleeping much lately made sense.

“I’m sorry I said those things.” He whispered as she wept in his lap. “I’m so sorry I failed you.”

It seemed that the more she tried to constrain the ocean of tears that poured out of her the worst it got. For so long she had striven to suppress all of the grief, guilt, and shame that once the dam had broken there was no holding back. She had worked so hard to forget and feigned cheerfulness in the hopes that if she faked it long enough she would feel happy as the memories faded into obscurity. Only it hadn’t happened that way.

The more she had worked to bury the sadness, humiliation and rage the harder it became to feel anything, happiness especially. For nearly two months she did her best, but it had all crumbled today. He knew! She had told herself he could never know, and now he did! And she was mad as hell!

How could someone who seemed to have misplaced his brain half of the time have even noticed that her time of the month had not arrived for a while? Rage pounded through her veins as she remembered the previous day’s events, displacing her feelings of shame as it did.

“So, isn’t it about the time of the month that we lay low for a few days?” Gourry had asked. The question caused her to stop dead in her tracks.

“Huh?”

“You know, that time of the month when you lose your powers?”

Lina felt a blush creep through her cheeks as she shouted, “What are you doing, counting the days?”

“Well, it’s good to know when we’re vulnerable, isn’t it? Besides, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“You probably just forgot.” Lina said as dryly as possible as she continued walking. She hoped that he did not notice how rattled she was. Now that he mentioned it, it had been awhile. She closed her eyes as panic welled within her making the nausea churning in her stomach worse. It had not happened since that night…

Stress. It had to be stress. That was what she kept telling herself. It would not have been the first time she missed a cycle due to it. And so what if she had been nauseous lately? And so what if food had suddenly lost its appeal? Surely after what happened it would be normal to be nauseous and sick. It had to be stress. There was no way she could be pregnant.

She hugged herself and desperately fought to keep her hands from trembling. She stole a glance beside her to note that yes, Gourry was watching her, concern etched on his features. She tried to act as normally as possible. But somehow she was failing. She had to do better! He could not know.

“Are you okay?” he asked, “You’re looking a little pale. And you’re trembling.”

“I’m practicing a new spell.” She shot back abruptly. It was completely nonsensical but she hoped that with his ignorance on magic he would buy it.

The look on his face told her he was dropping it rather than buying it. “So, where are we off to this time?”

Lina shrugged, “Damned if I know. I’ll let you know when we get there.” She thought for a moment and then added, “May be Rolat. I read something last week that the Blast Sword was last seen there, though the information is pretty scanty. Still, with the life we lead, it is a priority to get you a better sword, so we’d best follow up on any leads no matter how scurrilous. We really need to get you back to slicing monsters with swords and not breaking swords on monsters.”

Gourry grinned sheepishly, “I guess I have been pretty useless since I returned the Sword of Light. Sometimes I wonder why you even keep me around.”

 _Because I can’t stand the thought of letting you go!_ Lina thought to herself as she looked away at the ground. She had no idea where the thought had come from but she knew it was true. Sometime between the moment they had met and now he had become someone she did not want to live without. She turned to him and smiled, “Because useless or not, we’re a team. And you’re stuck with me.”

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. His touch felt nice. Usually he only did it after they had defeated some big named monster together. It made her feel like the strongest person in the world when he did it. It was companionable. Comforting. Protective in a way. Possessive even.

But would he still touch her if he knew what had happened? And if he wouldn’t want to, would any man? It made her so sick to think about the things they had done that she didn’t want to be in her own skin. How could she blame a man for not wanting to touch her? Her stomach started to churn violently. Realizing that what little she ate for lunch was about to come back up she quickly ran off the trail and into the woods.

“Lina?” Gourry called as Lina steadied herself on her shaky knees after voiding her stomach.

She reached into her cape to pull out some water as he caught up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked softly.

“Lunch just didn’t agree with me.” She said after she had swished the water around her mouth and spat it out. “Let’s get going.”

He folded his arms across his chest as he followed her, looking unusually stern. Lina felt panic bubbling within her. It had been almost two months since that night. Her ‘time of the month’ was long overdue. She was sick. She was exhausted. Her symptoms were screaming pregnancy. And it terrified her. She wanted to forget the incident, put it far behind her. To contain that night in a bubble and bury it so it did not change anything had been her main driving force since it happened. If she could keep everything else normal she could forget it ever happened.

But she’d never be able to with a baby there to remind her every day of that night. Plus her life would be changed dramatically with the addition of a baby. She’d never be able to travel as she liked. She’d have to settle down and stay home with the hideous being created by her tormentors. That night would be with her for the rest of her life! She took a deep breath and tried to keep her hands from shaking. If there was some bad seed growing within her, she wanted to be rid of it. Now!

As her minded frantically worked to figure out a plan to separate herself from Gourry he pointed out matter-of-factly, “You’ve barely eaten. You’re pale. And you’re throwing up.”

Lina felt that if the muscles in her neck were any tenser they would crush her vertebrae. Did he suspect?

“You must have picked up a bug. May be when we get into town we should take a few days off, let you get better.”

The last thing she wanted to do was spend a few days in town. Staying in town meant staying in an inn. Ever since that night she’d not been able to fall asleep in an inn. Only when they camped out could sleep claim her. Rather than telling him that she spun around and shouted, “Dammit, Gourry, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you one hundred times, I’m fine! And the last thing I want to do is park my ass in town when we’ve got a deadline to find you a sword that is worthy of the Sword of Light before we’re caught in yet another plot involving the world in peril again! Clear?”

He locked his gaze with hers. “No. And I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about. Everyone gets sick from time to time.”

“I’m not sick!” Lina screamed as she turned around and set off down the road again. Her sight became blurry as she struggled and failed to hold back tears. Her resolve to keep it together was not going well at all. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She had to gain some control, but her emotions were becoming unmanageable. She felt powerless under them, just like she did that night…

“Lina,” he said softly as he put a hand on her shoulder, “You’re crying.” He stated, a ring of surprise edging his words. “Are you sad?”

“Idiot!” Lina said softly, “I have something in my eyes.”

He took his hand away. She could tell he didn’t believe her but was tired of trying to break through her defenses. She brushed her tears away and took a deep, steadying breath. It did little for the nausea that was still churning in her stomach.

“Is the world in trouble?” he asked quietly.

“What?” she asked.

“Something has you scared. And I figure that as strong as you are, it has to be pretty bad to have you so scared. So what is it? Monster? Doomsday cult? Slugs?”

“It’s nothing.” She said quietly. “You’re imagining things.”

“Am I?” he asked. “Then why are you trembling and being secretive?”

“I’m not!” she screamed as they passed a marker sign for the nearest town. They were still about five miles out. Lina’s mind worked over time. She really did not want to stay in an inn tonight. “It’s getting late, why don’t we set up camp?”

His eyes widened in surprise. “But we have plenty of time before the sun sets to reach town.”

“Well, I don’t feel like walking anymore!” Lina said louder than she meant to as she veered off the path and headed into the woods.

Silently he followed her, and together they set up camp. There was even a stream nearby where Gourry was able to catch some fish. He ate. Lina finished some rolls she had saved that morning from the breakfast buffet. The smell of fish had turned her stomach. Not that she was going to let Gourry know that.

“You going to bed?” he asked as he settled into his tent.

Lina did not look up from the campfire. “Not sleepy. I’m going to stay up for a bit.”

“Okay. Goodnight.” He was quiet for a moment as Lina anxiously waited for him to fall asleep. “Lina?”

 _Go to sleep!_ She thought as her skin crawled with impatience. She said, “What?”

“Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here. I won’t bother you anymore about it until then.”

Her heart sped up as tears escaped from her eyes. She said nothing. She did not trust her voice. She longed to reach out to him, to mend the chasm this was creating between them. But the wedge between them was being hammered in deep. It was a deeper wedge than even Phibrizzo had created when he had torn him from her. This was an emotional wedge.

While he could be a bit dense, he was not a complete imbecile. And he knew her well. Too well. He knew she was hiding something, and until she either told him or got to a place where she could cover it up better they would not be as close as they had before that night. And while she could end this easily by telling him she would also never be able to fully forget it because he would know. And there was always the possibility that he could be so disgusted that he would leave. She had already lost too much.

How could one bad night cause so much damage? She could not let it cost her her relationship with Gourry. What would he do if he knew? Would he still want her? Or would he reject her, see her as damaged goods? Or would he be disappointed in her? If she was strong enough to defeat Shabranigdo than surely she should have been strong enough to fight them off. They were merely human. Would he think that she must have wanted it? That she had let it happen?

The mere possibility that he could think that drove her already soaring panic to new, unbelievable heights and fueled her need to make sure that he didn’t. She could not bear it if he knew and he thought she had gotten what she deserved, or that she hadn’t fought hard enough or…

A wave of nausea focused her attention on her body. What if the reason she couldn’t move on was because she was pregnant? If she got rid of it then it would no longer be a problem. She could move on, be herself again. She could forget and heal. And Gourry would never know. She had to get rid of it. She had to do it tonight, as soon as he fell asleep.

She knew she had two options. She could end it herself or she could find an herbalist and hope that she would be sympathetic and give her something to end it. Lina struck the second option out as soon as she thought of it. Images of a friend fleeing the local herbalist in tears after being called a slut for asking about it permeating her mind. Lina did not think she could live with the shame. Somehow she was going to have to do it herself.

Gourry’s snores were welcome music to her ears. She slowly got up and walked deeper into the woods. She wanted to take back the control of her life she felt she had lost. She wanted to feel powerful again. And if there was something growing within her, she wanted to be rid of it. That she could be carrying something of the men who had attacked her that night within her disgusted her so much that she wanted to cut it out of her belly with her own sword. The mere possibility that it was inside and growing like a parasite was profoundly distressing. Every minute it was there was one more minute with the reminder. The sooner she was rid of it the sooner she could get back to being herself.

Once she got a good distance away from the camp she started chanting, “Lord of darkness of the four worlds, grant me all of the power that you possess!”

She took a deep breath. There was only one spell she could cast that she was sure would get the job done. Every time she cast it she felt as though it was tearing her apart from the inside. It would leave her coughing up blood, a sure sign of internal injuries, and so lacerated that she could barely move. Surely if there was some bad seed growing within her casting it would destroy it. “Lord of the dreams that terrify…” she started, and she felt the magic crackle ominously in her hands.

“Sword of cold and darkness, free yourself from the Heaven’s bonds. Become one with my power, one with my body and let us walk the path of destruction together! Power that can smash even the souls of Gods!” a void formed between her hands and she lifted it high overhead, drunk with the feeling of the tremendous power she had unleashed. “RAGNA BLADE!”

As the spell sapped her energy, power seemed to charge through her veins. With this power she had cut down Kanzeil and Seigram. She gasped as she remembered bringing the dark sword down on Gaav. He was a good ten feet tall to her mere not even five, and stronger than any human could hope to be. It had taken every ounce of strength she had and she had wounded him grievously. Because she was strong. Because she had power.

She laughed as tears streamed down her face. If she had strength and power why couldn’t she have stopped them that night?

A sharp pain burst through her, causing her to let the spell die as she cried out. She took a few deep breaths as she struggled to remain standing. She coughed up a blood clot. Nothing unusual there. She felt depleted. She had meant to sit down, but in reality she collapsed and pulled herself so that she was leaning against a tree. Something thick and warm was running down her legs, and she put her hand to her pants and brought them up. She recognized the iron scent of blood. It was coursing from her genitals, worse than it would have been had it been that time of the month. That had never happened before. She stared at it. Did that mean she had been pregnant? Was it fully out yet? Or did it need more time?

Somewhere Gourry was calling her name. She did not want him to find her yet. She wanted to make sure it was out before facing him. But she was in no condition to stand, let alone run. And why hadn’t she brought a spare change of clothes with her? What would she tell him when he found her? Her lack of planning appalled her. He called her name again, his voice desperate. Lina laughed as tears rolled down her face. She realized that in her desperation to get rid of it as soon as possible she had messed up badly. What would he think when he found her? What would she say happened? What would he believe?

Before she knew it he was there, scanning her for injuries, asking questions. Helping. Had enough time passed? If he got her to a healer now could it be guaranteed that the thing growing inside her would not survive? Or did she need to delay him? She had to make sure it was gone! She tried her best to stall him, but in the end he gathered her in his arms. The memory of being held down asserted itself, overpowering her sense of where she really was. She brought her arms up to attack as her brain, struggling with the blood loss, reeled. The world spun before going black.

She wasn’t sure how much he knew when she woke. But she figured that the best course of action would be to feign innocence until he proved he knew otherwise. And he did. Not only had she really been pregnant, he _knew_! There was no hiding the truth from him anymore.

The anger burned like an angry flame as she cried in his lap while he stroked her hair. She hated the fact that she was crying. She hated the fact that she needed comfort. She hated having her weaknesses so blatantly displayed before another. And she hated herself for being weak.


	2. I Tried to Kill My Pain, But Only Got More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. 
> 
> WARNINGS!! This chapter contains graphic violence and depictions of rape.

They said little as they ate ice cream on a bench in the town square. Anyone who knew them well would have known right off the bat that something was amiss as they weren’t engaging in their usual food fight. Lina was having a hard time looking at him and spent an unusually long time eating her ice cream as she kept glancing at the mountains in the distance. Gourry kept giving her sidelong glances, his blue eyes brimming with questions he was too scared to ask and heavy with guilt.

He felt like the world’s worst failure. Where had he been when she was attacked? And why hadn’t he been there to stop it? Guilt seemed to be eating him alive. After making protecting her the meaning of his life how could he have done nothing while she was being raped in the room next to his? How could he have heard nothing? Had he stepped out to go to the bathroom? Had someone cast a spell on him that had sent him into an unusually heavy sleep? As desperate as he was to learn the answer, one glance at Lina told him that it was not the time to ask.

After untold hours of crying she had dried her tears and left briefly to change into some homespun clothes the healers had on hand. They were too big for her, giving her the vulnerable appearance of a child playing dress up. That she had been unable to meet his eye added to her assailable affect. He had an urgent desire to do something to cheer her up so he offered to take her out for ice cream. Other than nodding her assent she had barely acknowledged that he was there.

It was terrifying to see the usually carefree and happy woman who was so strong and confident look so weak and broken. Hatred flowed, deep and strong, for the ones who had done this to her. He wondered who they were, how he could find them, and just how badly he could make them pay.

He glanced at her. Her ice cream was melting off the cone and starting to dribble onto her hand. That was a guaranteed first for her. “Don’t you like it?” he asked.

“Huh?” she asked.

“The ice cream.”

“Oh.” She said as if noticing it for the first time as she licked it. “Delicious. It doesn’t compare to what you would find in Seyruun, but it’s not bad.”

“So, what now?”

“Well, we need to get our stuff from the campsite. Then I guess we should continue on our way to Rolat.”

He wished she would look at him. “To find a new sword?”

“Hasn’t that been the mission since you returned the Sword of Light?” she asked as she stared at her ice cream cone.

“So we’re not tracking anyone down and seeking revenge?”

Her grip tightened, causing the cone to crack. “There’s no need.” She said quietly, a dangerous edge of anger in her voice, “I took care of it.” She thought for a moment before adding, “Do you really think so little of me as to imagine that I would have gone so long without making them pay?”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“I know what you meant!” she snapped as she threw the cone on the ground and stood up, anger radiating from her in waves. “Come on, let’s get going before someone goes and pilfers our stuff.”

He stared after her as she got up and headed out of town for a second before getting up to follow her. What had he said wrong? And what did she mean by “take care of it?” He had so many questions! Were they dead? Severely wounded? Had she taken care of them that night or had she somehow managed to slip out at some point and time and taken them down without him noticing she was gone? He stared at her as they walked in silence, his questions piling up like a heavy snowfall.

 _What must he think of me now?_ Lina wondered as she noticed him staring at her, his expression deliberately neutral. Yes, he was still with her. He’d made no noise about parting ways. He’d even said it wasn’t her fault. And she would still give anything for him not to know. Because now he was obsessing over it. She could tell from the sidelong glances and how he seemed to be handling her like fine glass and making ridiculous statements. Did he honestly think that she was so weak that she would let the people who had done this go so long unpunished? It aggravated her!

And how could she have been so careless the previous night in the first place? What had possessed her to take such drastic measures? Why hadn’t she have just taken a chance and gone to a herbalist? It would have meant finding some place to ditch Gourry for a few hours, but she was sure she could have thought of some plausible reason that he could have bought. But then going to a herbalist would have meant admitting to a stranger that she had an unwanted pregnancy, which would have been exceedingly difficult. She had never dreamed she would be in that situation. It only happens to girls who are too loose with the prize after all. She cringed as she wondered what that said about her now.

Still, it would have been better to tell a complete stranger that she would never see again than telling Gourry about that night.

Plain and simple, she hadn’t been thinking. She’d been in a complete state of panic and had acted rashly. It hadn’t been the first time, and it likely wouldn’t be the last. Her desperation to return everything to normal had gotten in the way of her better judgment. And now her secret was out.

And all she wanted to do was to forget it. And she knew damn well that she couldn’t if he didn’t. And she had a bad feeling that this was going to be one of those things that she wished he would forget but never would.

The trees began to multiply as the houses thinned out and eventually disappeared altogether. Soon they had found the place they had camped at the previous night. “Good, it looks like it is all here.” Lina said as she started rummaging through her stuff and pulled out a fresh set of clothes from her mantle. “I’m going to go change. Be right back!” she said with a wink as she went into the trees.

Gourry started to pack up his bedroll and tent as he kept his ears peeled. Eventually she returned and he relaxed a little. It was good to see her back in her sorceress garment. She seemed more confident and at ease, more like the woman he knew. She ran a hand through her hair and then started to help with breaking up camp. “Where do you want to stay tonight?” Gourry asked.

“Huh?” she replied stupidly.

“Are you fine in an inn? Or would camping out be better?”

Lina looked up at the sky, “The weather’s good. No need to waste money on a crappy inn.”

He nodded, and together they set back on the road. “Lina, I have to know how I failed you.”

“What?” she asked tiredly, not really sure what he was asking.

“Did they use magic? Something where I couldn’t hear what was happening? I need to know what I could have done different, so I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

She brushed her hair behind her ears. Her hands were shaking, and she nervously tried to cover it up by keeping them busy. “Just forget that it happened.”

“You say that like it’s easy…”

“I’m saying that because it’s not!” she yelled as she walked faster, “Do you think I want to remember any of it? The more questions you ask the more I keep thinking about it! And I don’t want to! Stop asking me things!”

He looked at her sympathetically. He knew from experience just how hard it is to stop thinking about traumatic things. They always find a way to sneak into your consciousness. You had to find a way to make some sort of peace with them. He bit his tongue as he remembered what a long process that was.

They walked in silence until dusk came and they started to set up camp. “Goodnight.” She said as she casually got out her short sword and lay on her side, keeping it within her grasp. That was new. She usually only did that when they were on bodyguard duty.

He was relieved that she fell asleep quickly. She needed the rest. Sleep was harder for him to obtain. He was terrified that someone would attack, or that she would get up and wander off and do something stupid. Eventually he drifted off into an uneasy sleep and was woken by the sound of Lina thrashing wildly on her bedroll.

“No!” she cried as her hand tightened around her sword and she unsheathed it as she rolled to her feet, ready to attack. Gourry stood up cautiously.

“Lina.” He whispered.

She looked around the campsite frantically. Dawn was approaching, and the world was starting to be bathed in a warm orange glow. She took a deep breath as she lowered her sword. “A bad dream.” She muttered as she put her sword away and started to rummage into her mantle for hair brush. “Do you ever have bad dreams?”

“Yes.” He said quietly.

She started to brush her hair as she sat down. “What about?” she asked.

He thought for a moment before getting his own brush out, wondering if it was the right time to tell her. He sat down and took a deep breath. “A lot of things. Some of the battles we’ve fought. You getting hurt. My family.”

For the first time since the previous morning she looked at him. “Your family? What happened to them? You never talk about them.”

“Because I don’t like to think about them. The past is the past.” He said as he started to brush his hair.

She glanced at him as if she was gauging whether or not she should ask another question, “Oh.”

“Since I was born there was a feud over who had the rightful claim to the Sword of Light. My father was one of a set of triplets, and there were three factions fighting for it. Some felt my father had the rightful claim, others either one of my uncles. And since the time I could hold a sword I was trained to defend my father’s claim to it. Even if it meant spilling the blood of relatives.”

Her curiosity got the better or her. “Did you?” she asked.

He ignored her question, “There were rules. We Gabrievs do have a strict code of honor. You don’t attack when people are asleep or when their back is turned. You fight fair. If you followed those rules, then it was okay to kill your kin.

“There were plots. Alliances were formed and broken. You were never really sure who was and who wasn’t on your side, well, with the exception of my uncles, who I knew wanted me dead. I couldn’t even trust my own brother. I was always on alert. An attack could start at any time.

“There were the neutral people. My grandmother. The fighting between my dad and uncles broke her heart. But she refused to get involved. Other people who wanted to remain neutral ended up dead. She was the only one who was successful in staying out of it. I was her favorite, and she was the only one I knew I could trust. She was the one who taught me how to be a human being.”

“So whose side were you on?” she asked.

“I’d like to think I was on the side of the whole family.” He said, “Truthfully I didn’t think a sword was worth the price in blood. I could never get my father to see that. I would avoid fights when I could, and if I couldn’t I would try to maim rather than kill. It made my father so mad. He kept saying that my grandmother was ruining me with her ideas. And then there was my brother.”

“I didn’t even know you had a brother. I guess you two weren’t very close.”

“No. He wanted the sword for himself. All my life it was in my father’s possession, and I guess Gunther didn’t want to wait for it or risk losing it to another family member. One day he tried to kill my father.”

“What?”

Gourry nodded grimly, “Gunther got sloppy. He was a good enough swordsman but he couldn’t strategize to save his life. Or maybe it was just his bad luck. But I came in when he tried to murder our father. Gunther and I fought, and when the battle was over I was the last one standing.”

“Gourry,” Lina whispered.

“My father survived, but barely. And when all was said and done, when the sun set that night I was someone who had killed his own brother.”

“But it wasn’t like you had had much of a choice!” Lina interjected.

Gourry shrugged, “If I had been a better swordsman, then maybe I could have maimed him. If I’d not let my emotions take over me then maybe I could have disarmed him. It was drilled into me daily the dangers of becoming too emotional! I thought about that day over and over and wondered what I could have done different.”

“That’s stupid.” Lina said decidedly, “If you’re going to kill someone then you’d better be prepared to be killed right back. It wasn’t your fault.”

He looked at her like he had her cornered. She didn’t have much time to puzzle over it. “I know that now.” He said, “But not then. It took a few years, but I learned to forgive myself.”

There was a meaningful silence as he held her gaze, as if willing her to grasp a point. Then he continued, “It was the final straw for me. I hated the sword. I always wondered if Gunther and I would have been more brotherly if he had not seen me as competition from the moment I was born. I thought about how if we weren’t fighting all of the time then may be would could act like a family. The sword wasn’t worth the cost in blood. I knew it. My grandmother knew it. But I didn’t know how to make them see it.

“The night after I killed Gunther I stayed up and thought about how to make them see it. And then it occurred to me that if the sword wasn’t there, well, then they can’t fight over it, can they?”

“So you stole it!” she yelled.

He nodded. “I knew I would be cut off forever. I’m still not sure what would happen if they tracked me down, or if they’re even trying to. I hope that they settled their differences, but I have no way of knowing for sure.”

Silence pervaded the camp as Lina looked at him as though she was seeing him for the first time, “You always seem so happy and carefree. I never would have guessed.”

“What makes you think I’m not happy and carefree? You have to move forward.” He said.

She thought for a moment before asking, “How did you do that?”

He smiled at her as he stood up, “With time. I’m hungry. Why don’t we find a town that’s serving breakfast?” he asked as he held out his hand, “Pancakes?”

* * *

 

“Looks like rain.” Gourry commented as he glanced at the gathering storm clouds.

Lina nodded glumly. “I guess we’d better stay in an inn tonight.”

“You sure?” he asked.

“Well, I’m never going to get comfortable if I don’t start learning how to sleep in one again, aren’t I?”

They walked in silence for a moment before he tentatively asked, “I know you want to forget it, but I need to know if there’s anything I can do to prevent it from happening again.”

For some reason she closed her eyes as a look of shame washed over her face. It was gone in a blink as she said, “Don’t worry about that. It won’t be an issue tonight.”

“But…”

“If you’re so nervous about it then why don’t we share a room tonight?” she snapped.

He nearly stopped in his tracks. Yes, it was not unheard of for them to share a room, but usually that only happened when the inn was booked. Still, he could understand the mentality of safety in numbers. “If you’re comfortable with that.”

Lina trudged on in silence, arms folded across her stomach. The cloudy day seemed to mirror her mood. Yes, he was merely concerned for her wellbeing. And it was frustrating being treated like fine glass. She felt as though she had changed from being strong to a weakling overnight in his eyes. It weighed heavily on her as the rain started falling from the sky.

By the time they reached the inn they were soaked to the skin. They booked a room, stowed their stuff in it while they availed themselves of the baths, and then met up for supper. Gourry was pleased to note that her appetite had returned. He even held back during their food fight to let her win. He thought he was being considerate. The last thing he wanted to do was get too rough after what happened. But his restraint only seemed to aggravate her. But then, everything seemed to these days.

He noted that the restaurant was packed with travelers desperate to get out of the storm. Already the ale was flowing, and though someone who did not know her as well as he would not have noticed, he could see that she was alert. Was she scared that someone from that night was in the crowd? Or was the mere act of being in an inn so terrifying?

The hail beat down heavily on the roof, drowning out the sounds of drunken folk songs from below as they made their way to their room. He worked to contain his nerves as he kept his eyes and ears peeled. He hadn’t noticed anyone pay them any undue attention, but then someone had slipped his guard that night. He didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

Lina unlocked their room and promptly seated herself at the small desk and took off her mantle. Gourry sat on the bed and took out his sword to sharpen it. While he did that Lina rummaged through her belongings and pulled out a pile of gemstones she had looted. She got out some supplies and set to work on creating some amulets.

Lina’s thoughts drifted as she settled into the routine of making amulets and the sounds of hail faded, allowing the off key melodies of drunken singing to permeate the room. Lina took a deep breath and closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten. Sometimes it helped.

This time it didn’t. It didn’t help that it was the same song that the one holding the ax to her throat was singing that night. He was horrifyingly inebriated. His grip on the ax was sloppy, and Lina could feel the blood trailing down her neck, hot and thick. She didn’t dare move. All things considered she liked having her head attached to her body, and they had already proved that they had no qualms about killing her. While she wanted to close her eyes to block out what was happening, she was also too scared to take her eyes off the one with the ax. So she bit into the cloth they had used to gag her and tolerated the pain as best she could.

There were two others in the room. One was watching by the foot of the bed as he laughed and insulted her while preparing himself for his next turn. Aside from a feeling of dread and wondering just how many turns a man could take in one night, he was the least of her worries. The one between her legs was doing things that were unpleasant, humiliating and agonizingly painful, but would not kill her. The one with the ax could. It consumed her attention, and she knew her survival depended on watching the movements of the one with the ax.

The ax wielder stopped singing so that he could chug some whiskey straight from the bottle with his free hand. Her breathing hitched as he inadvertently pressed the ax deeper into her throat. More blood spilled as tears trailed from her eyes. It was all she could do to keep her breathing steady. Panicking wouldn’t help anything. But being gagged meant that getting the air she needed was harder than usual. It was hard not to panic!

The one between her legs moved in a different pattern, causing the pain to intensify. The gag muffled her cries as she reflexively jerked, cutting her neck even more in the process. Her arms started flailing as her resolve not to panic snapped. Containing the pain between her legs while lying still seemed impossible, but moving meant risking slitting her throat in the process! Awkwardly she tried to move while keeping her neck still.

“Better lay off a bit, unless you want to fuck a corpse.” The one between her legs said to the one with the ax as he continued to molest her.

It was a relief when she felt the ax’s sharp blade roll away from her neck as the third one’s grip loosened and he tumbled to the floor. The second one pointed at him and laughed. It took barely a second for her to register that her luck had finally turned. She grabbed the ax by its splintered, wooden handle and summoned each ounce of strength she had remaining to sit up and bury it in the stomach of the one between her thighs.

The force sent him back against the wall as his guts spilled out, splattering her legs and feet. He made a weird choking sound as blood spilled from his mouth while Lina worked to pull the ax out of him, stunned by how difficult it was. “Hey!” one of the other attackers called. She let go of the handle and swiftly sent an upper cut his way, rendering him unconscious. The third one was still on the ground, asleep in a pile of his own vomit.

She removed the gag and turned her attention back to the one she had gutted. He was still alive. She supposed that if she got him to a healer then and there he could recover. But why would she let someone who had raped her live to tell the tale? As the ax was not a weapon she had trained in, she went to her bed and grabbed her sword. Her eyes narrowed in hatred as she slit his throat. It was too good of a death for him. She would have preferred to let him bleed out in agony. She looked at the other two. Hatred pounded within her head and heart. She snarled as she cut the throat of the second one and then the third.

A quick death in their sleep was more than they deserved. But it was all that she had time for.

She stood still for a moment as she tried to think over the pounding of her head. Had they woken anyone up? The last thing she needed was some curious do-gooder coming in to make sure everything was okay, especially if it was Gourry. She shuddered to think of what would happen if he came in to see her naked and covered in blood and guts, surrounded by the bodies of three naked men.

She exhaled as she heard no sound of footfalls. The inn was quiet, all of its other occupants seemingly still asleep. She checked to make sure that her three attackers were dead, ignoring the pain that seared her genitals as she did. First she had to make sure the scene was secure, then she could think about the nature of the second step.

She shivered in the cold. Clothing! She needed to find something to wear. She grabbed her mantle, and then panicked as she realized she was getting blood and guts all over it. She dropped it and went over to the washstand. She poured some water into it and started to scrub her hands. The water in the basin quickly became blood red. She grabbed the towel and dried herself off and then stole glance down her body. There was blood, some of it her attackers’, some of it hers. Fresh blood from her wounds still coursed down her legs and neck. “Recovery.” She said as she put her hand to a cut on her neck, deciding that healing her neck wounds should be a step above clothing.

She knew that she should see a healer to tend to her wounds. She also knew she could not do that. If she left for a healer now she would likely not get back until other people in the inn were up. And while they wouldn’t hear anything, surely someone would notice the stench of blood and guts and death permeating her room and call the innkeeper. And then if Gourry was that person he would just come right in. He had a key. Going to a healer was out. She would have to do the best with her abilities.

She felt the eyes of the three dead men staring at her as she healed herself. It felt as if they were burning a hole in her back with their eyes. She shifted uncomfortably as she tried to tell herself she was being silly and to think of the next step. But thinking was hard when your mind was stupid from shock and one glass of wine too many.

Once she was satisfied that she wasn’t going to bleed to death from a neck wound she dug into her mantle and grabbed a robe she had been meaning to throw out for a while anyway and wrapped it around her. She did not want to stay an extra minute in the room than she had to. There was a private bath down the hallway. If she could make it there without running into anyone then she could cast a long healing spell and wash herself thoroughly and think about her next move.

She gathered her stuff, debating about whether or not to send off some sleeping spells into some of the neighboring rooms. Especially Gourry’s. He had to have been drunk to have slept through as much as he had. That man’s senses were preternaturally sharp. Still, she would not count on her luck to hold out once he woke up. Surely he would smell the scent of blood and guts that filled her room. And then he would have questions.

Deciding that she would work something out she walked over to the wall that separated their rooms and sent off a sleep spell. Satisfied that he wouldn’t catch her in a compromising position she gingerly opened the door and peered out into the hallway. It was empty. Slowly she set out, trying to walk as normally as possible as blood and other fluids coursed down her legs. It was agony, but she gritted her teeth and bore it quietly as she made her way to the washroom.

It was a relief when she got there, sat her stuff down and locked the door. She tried to sit down but gave up when she found that was too painful. Her tormentors had been anything but gentle and had done a number on her. She stood awkwardly, legs splayed as she cast a recovery spell over her genitals. Gradually the pain seeped away, leaving the humiliation in its wake. How could this have happened to her?

It wasn’t as if she got drunk often! They’d gotten a few bottles of wine in appreciation for helping some nobleman. Coming from Zefiria, Lina was something of a wine snob. And the bottles he gave were excellent. She and Gourry had shared a bottle or two over dinner. Once again, it was not something they were used to doing. Both preferred to stay alert given their dangerous lifestyle. But surely everyone should have the opportunity to let their hair down once in a while?

Now she struggled to remember whether or not she had even remembered to lock her door.

Good girls don’t get drunk. It was what they had said when they woke her. She seethed. It was not the first time she had heard such a sentiment. Would Gourry feel the same way?

Once she had finished healing her wounds as best she could, she filled a bucket with water and poured it over herself and started scrubbing vigorously. She felt disgusting. Her body was covered in blood and guts and sweat and semen. She started at the top, washing her hair before moving to cleanse the blood from her neck. As she moved lower to her chest and arms she felt a dull ache in her head and eyes. Dammit, she wanted to cry! But she did not want to show weakness again either.

She paused to take a deep breath and will the feeling away before washing her arms. Her biceps ached from where they had been grasped too tightly and she could see the bruises forming on them. She stopped bathing herself to cast another spell, and once she was satisfied that someone looking at her arms would not notice any bruising she continued down.

Cleaning between her thighs was hard. Despite the healing spell she was still sore and tender. She knew she needed a longer one. There had been a lot of damage and bruises were forming on the inside of her thighs. But time was not a luxury she had. She would have to settle for getting as clean as it was possible to get.

This time when the pressure in her head built she could not hold back the tears as the feelings of shame rose up and overpowered her. This was not something that happened to strong women like her! What did it say about her that it had happened? The answers were too horrible to contemplate on, but it didn’t stop her from doing so. She had once believed herself strong and unbeatable. Now she knew she was not. The mighty had fallen.

She continued to scrub through the tears. She scrubbed so fiercely that she hurt herself. But she needed to get as clean as possible. If she didn’t then people would be able to look at her and know that she was now a fallen woman, unclean and corrupted. She did not want anyone to know!

Finally she worked down to her toes and decided that she was as clean as she would ever get. She filled the bucket a few times and poured the water over herself, letting the gunk wash down the drain. She toweled herself dry and dressed. It felt comforting to be back in her sorceresses garb. She left the robe on the bench and slowly opened the door and peered out into the hallway again.

Slowly she walked down it and towards Gourry’s room. Walking still caused some discomfort but at least she wasn’t limping. Under her sleep spell he would not wake for a few more hours. That would give her all of the time she needed. She opened his door and slowly stepped inside. He was sprawled on the bed, snoring lightly, his sword by his side. Fortunately he had not even removed his armor, and as far as she could tell he had all of his stuff on him. She took his sword and opened the window. She grabbed his hand and cast a levitation spell, and together they floated out of the inn.

Once she got a good distance she sat them down and cast a ray wing spell and hightailed it out of there. He slept peacefully as she controlled the spell, deciding it was time to test whether or not he meant what he said when he explained that when he got drunk he never remembered anything about the previous night. She would be busted if he remembered falling asleep in an inn and woke up in a campsite. Still, it was a risk she had to take.

Once she felt that they had put some good distance between themselves and the inn she sat them down in the woods. She got out his bedroll and moved him into it and quickly set up her stuff. She then got out their outdoor cooking supplies and set about to making breakfast, hoping that her ruse would work.

By the time she had finished making breakfast he was sitting up, looking slightly bewildered. “Did we camp out last night?”

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she handed him a plate laden with bacon, biscuits and eggs. “Don’t you remember anything?” she said as exasperatedly as possible, “The marker for the next town must have been off, and we thought we could make it when we obviously couldn’t. So we had to camp out in the middle of nowhere.”

He thought for a moment as he swallowed his bacon, “Damn, I don’t remember a thing about last night!”

She relaxed as she grabbed her own plate. She really wasn’t hungry. What had happened the previous night had thoroughly turned her stomach. But she knew she had to make the appearance of being hungry so that he wouldn’t suspect anything. “You really are an idiot.” She said as jovially as she could.

* * *

 

“Lina?” he asked, pulling her from her reverie.

“Huh?” she said as she blinked, memories of that night thankfully fading.

“You okay?”

“Of course I am.” She gritted, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just that you’ve been working on that amulet for the past five minutes.”

“Oh.” She said as she realized that he was right. “Well, some amulets are tricky little buggers.”

“Why have you been making so many lately anyway?”

“Well, we need to make sure we have plenty of money in case we need to barter for your new sword.”

“New sword?” he asked.

She sighed. She could have sworn that she had explained it to him at some point, though she didn’t mind too much. It was a welcome diversion from the unwanted path her thoughts had strayed to. And thankfully the party downstairs seemed to have quieted. “A while back ago I found an article that said that two hundred years ago the Baron of Rolat had recovered the Blast Sword. We’re going to meet the descendants of this Baron to find if it is true and what his buying price is. So we need to make sure we have a lot of money set aside.”

“Do you really think that the Baron would give his sword away for a sack full of money?” Gourry asked.

Lina shrugged, “Everyone has their buying price.”

He clucked, “The only way the people in my family would give up the Sword of Light was if you took it from their cold, dead hands.”

Lina frowned. He had a point. “Well, the people in your family were swordsmen, right? The Baron of Rolat is a musician. Surely he’d be willing to part with a sword he would never use. If he has it, that is.”

Gourry shrugged as he sat his sword down. “If you say so. I can sleep on the floor tonight.”

Her eyebrow twitched, “I don’t want you to treat me any differently.”

Without further comment she took off her boots as he regarded her, feeling that any move he made would be the wrong one. She set her sword under her pillow before pulling the covers down and getting into bed. He remembered the second night they had had to share a room. She had recently defeated that big monster and he was well aware of the fact that while he was head over ears in love with her, she was still young. She was fifteen. Making any romantic move was out of the question until she was older.

Still, she had insisted that he treat her like any other comrade in arms. He did to a point. He let her sleep under the covers while he slept over them. It had suited them well enough through the years whenever they needed to. But that first night was nerve wracking. Knowing she was so close but off limits was sexually frustrating. But he was a grown man. He could control himself.

And now here he was again, getting in bed with her and full of ambivalence. The last thing he wanted to do was roll over on her or trigger some unpleasant memory. But then by trying to protect he just seemed to be aggravating her further. Deciding that it would be better to do as she wanted he took off his boots and armor and set them on the floor. He grabbed his sword and climbed into bed, careful not to intrude on her side and space. He put his sword within easy reach. “Night.”

She replied in kind. He sat there, not even bothering to close his eyes as he worked on getting to a point where he would be comfortable falling asleep. His love for her was unacknowledged and unconsummated, and it made sharing a bed with her that much harder. It was why he had such a hard time treating her like just another comrade in arms. She was so much more.

She was now past the age that he had set so long ago when he told himself that it would be okay to court her. She was a grown woman. She hadn’t gotten any taller, but she had filled out a little and developed some curves. The age where he had told himself that he would tell her had come and passed, with him remaining silent. It was hard to change something that had always been that way.

And now he wished he had said something earlier. May be if he had she wouldn’t have been alone that night. Either way, now that it had happened, telling her just didn’t seem right at the moment. She was already recovering from a huge amount of trauma. What she needed most was stability, for things to be the way they always had been. The least he could do was provide her with that.

And keep his eye out for any sign of someone who might harm her. While he could sense no feelings of malice or bloodlust, he knew how quickly things could change. He was wondering if he should do a quick patrol when he sensed that she was moving.

Her hand reached out and found his and clasped it tightly. His eyes widened in surprise. She had never done that before. Within five minutes her breathing became regular and peaceful. She was asleep. For the first time in two months she was asleep in an inn. He let go of a breath he was holding, relishing in the feeling of her small hand in his. She was putting a lot of trust in him. He’d better not let her down again.


	3. I'm Wishing the Bath Water Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Angel" from Blue October.

It was such a clear and pretty day that it was hard to believe that a raging storm had passed through the previous night. After studying the map that morning and finding that the next town would be a good day’s travel away, they decided to take full advantage of the beauty the day had to offer by packing a picnic lunch and bringing it with them.

Lina was feeling torn between the normalcy of feeling well rested for a change and a bit embarrassed about having to hold Gourry’s hand like a small child the previous night to get it. Fortunately for his health and safety he didn’t say anything about it. And she wasn’t about to tell him that his hand was like a tether, keeping her grounded in the present rather than floating back through the past.

Still, she considered as they left the inn and set back on the open road, it was a lot easier to travel when you’d had a good night’s sleep for a change. All things told she felt about as normal as she had since that night. Even if she and Gourry barely said a word to each other.

The sun was getting high in the sky when they decided to sit on a tree trunk that had most likely been ripped from the earth during the previous nights storm. Gourry rested comfortably against a branch as he bit into his sandwich and asked, “How are we doing, financially I mean?”

“Well, we have enough to get us to Rolat and be in a position to haggle if the sword is there. After that we’ll probably have to pick up a few gigs or hunt down some bandits. First thing we’ll need to do there is find a place where I can sell the amulets.” Lina said as she finished an apple.

“And how long till we get there again?”

“Two days.”

“So what’s the plan?”

Lina shrugged, “We get there, we raise some funds, I find where the Duke is, if the sword is there we barter. Easy enough.”

He looked at her warily, “Since when are things ever that simple?”

“Well, never.” Lina admitted, “But we’ll just improvise like we always do!”

“I just think that maybe we should plan for a worst case situation.”

Lina threw the apple core at him, “And what, yogurt for brains, would this worst case situation be?”

“Erm…” he said as he struggled to think of something.

“Exactly. We’re playing with too many unknowns to formulate a worst case situation.”

“Well, then maybe we should scout things out first before walking into someone’s home uninvited and asking them to part with some treasure of theirs.” Gourry said decidedly as he took a bite out of his fourth sandwich.

Lina turned to glare at him, “You used to never mind planning on the fly before. What’s changed?”

“I don’t have the Sword of Light anymore, that’s what’s changed.” He said.

“And you don’t trust me alone to keep the two of us out of trouble?” she said, her voice low and dangerous.

“No!” he protested, “I just think we should be a little more careful, that’s all.”

“You mean I should be more careful!” she shot back.

“No,” he found himself yelling right back, “I should! I’m the one who took the responsibility of being your protector!”

She flushed crimson as she yelled, “Well, I don’t need it! I’ve never needed a protector! Where did you get such a stupid idea anyway?”

“So you think I do it because you need it?” he hollered back, stung at the rejection, “That’s not it at all!”

“What is it then?”

“I do it because you’re worth it!”

She was going to yell again, but as soon as his words sunk in she lost her steam, “Huh?”

“You’re worth it.” He repeated.

She stared at him as though he was crazy. His eyes narrowed as he continued, “In my line of work you have to size someone’s strengths up fairly quick. I knew from the get go that you could hold your own. Later I learned that I had underestimated you a little bit, well a lot, but still. Even the strongest person can’t live alone. No one can make it alone, Lina. Not even you. Everyone needs someone to have their back. And I decided that you were worth it!”

She continued to stare at him as though he had just announced that he was going to study marine life, and he wasn’t sure if he was about to be pummeled. Finally she shot back, “What made you decide that?”

“You gave me my sword back.” He said quietly.

“Of course I gave it back, it was yours. What’s so remarkable about that?”

He smiled wryly, “Now who isn’t paying attention?” he asked as he beeped her on the nose. “I came from a family who spilled each other’s blood for the sword, Lina! That’s what’s so remarkable about it!

“And it wasn’t just my family. You should know better than to try to make friends as a mercenary. It was several years after I ran away, right before I met you actually, that I told someone about the sword. And I nearly woke up dead when they tried to kill me in my sleep for it.

“So it told me a lot about you when you gave it to me after you cast that spell that turned your hair white. If you had decided to keep it I couldn’t have done anything to stop you. But you returned it to me without a fuss. I’d had a feeling about you since I met you, but it wasn’t until that moment that I knew that you were worth protecting for the rest of my life. I’d found a purpose for the sword and my life.”

He stared at the ground as he spoke and did not notice the stunned look on her face. “You mean you didn’t have one?” she asked.

He shook his head, “No. For a while I didn’t care about what happened to me. And I hated that sword so much that I nearly threw it in a river.”

Lina turned red as she yelled, “You nearly threw it in a river!? Gourry! What the hell were you thinking?”

“That if it wasn’t for the sword I would have my family. That if it wasn’t for the sword I would have a friend! I saw it as the cause of all of the problems in my life! I hated that sword until I met you and found a good use for it! So regardless of whether or not you need it, you’re worth it. I don’t care what’s happened to you. Nothing will change that.”

He stared at the ground as he waited to hear what she said next. Most likely he’d said all of the wrong things again. Most likely she was about to yell at him again. There was the sound of the rustle of clothing against tree bark, the feel of heat against his skin as she inched closer to him. He looked over at her, wondering if she was about to start swinging. Her expression was unreadable as she put a hand on his shoulder and the other on his cheek. He was stunned as she moved forward and brought his face close to hers and kissed him lightly on the lips. His blue eyes grew wide as she pulled away while maintaining her hands as they were. He could read a million questions in her eyes, first and foremost among them was whether or not what she had done was okay.

He slowly wrapped his arms around her and moved to kiss her again. She met him halfway, surprising him as she started thrusting her tongue between his lips, asking for entrance. He opened, letting her set the pace as she probed his mouth with her tongue.

She moved her hands down so they were wrapped around his back and slowly she started to push him back so that he was supported by the branches. Finally he could go no further, but the benefit was that that she was now pressed tightly against him. After three years of wanting to be together like this it was bliss to have her in his arms.

She moved her hand in a slow caress down from his cheek to his shoulder and along his arm before moving it back up again as her other hand stroked his hair. She broke away briefly for air and he seized the chance to enter her mouth as his ardor picked up and his body started to respond. That was when she pressed herself against him, demanding more closeness, and he responded by pulling her into his lap, her pelvic area grinding against his. She gasped and her eyes shot open as she detected a hardness there. Looking like a child caught stealing cookies from the jar, she pulled away, her breathing heavy as she did, and quickly got off his lap as she turned beat red.

 _Looks like I am a slut after all._ she thought as she gathered her bearings and got off of the tree.

“Lina,” he started.

“We’d best get moving.” She said curtly. “We’ve got a long way to go till the next town and we have to be there by nightfall.”

Without waiting to see if he was following, she set off back to the road. Guilt tugged at her as she fought to suppress the arousal she was feeling. Two months! It had barely been two months, and already she was throwing herself wantonly at him! What did it say about her?

She stole a glance at him from the corner of her eye. He was looking nervous, and was eyeing her in what he thought was an unobvious manner. She stared at the road as they got back on it. The butterflies in her stomach were nearly all dead at last. It had been the first time since that night that she had been able to feel them.

Part of her was still glad she could feel them, that those men had not killed her ability to feel that wondrous sense of tension and anticipation she felt around Gourry. She tried to listen more to that part as they got back on the road. It was hard when the guilt was so pervading.

Anger rose within her. It wasn’t like she was throwing herself at some random stranger! It was Gourry! Gourry, who she was in love with. She had realized it sometime after the incident with Phibrizzo. Once the dust had settled and she and Gourry were traveling alone again, she spent a lot of time wondering why she had cast such a dangerous spell to save him. The answer was obvious. Martina’s dying words had been correct. She loved him.

It took longer for Lina to become comfortable with that fact. When someone uses the first man you had ever fallen in love with to manipulate you into nearly destroying the world it messes with a person. What didn’t help was the fact that Gourry did not seem to see her in that way at all. He was always so formal and proper. Though, that had been changing.

There were the lingering glances. The accidental brushing of hands that weren’t so accidental. A gentle touch. A ruffling of her hair.

And then there was that evening. The wine had done something to her inhibitions that night. It had melted them away. And what was even more amazing was that he had responded to her advances! “You want to know why I’m still here even though you don’t have the sword?” she repeated, her words slightly slurred as she reached out to caress his hand.

He put his hand on top of hers and squeezed them gently, “That’s what I asked.”

Exhilaration ran through her as she leaned forward, “Why do you think?’ she asked coyly, wondering if she could entice him to kiss her. Daringly she reached a hand out to cup his cheek.

He closed his eyes blissfully, and then seemed to gather himself, “I think you’re drunk.”

“I’m…not!” she said slowly in an attempt to keep the slosh from her voice.

He leaned forward. Her cheeks reddened slightly. Was he going to kiss her? He did, but on the forehead. “You are.”

“I’ve not even drank half as much, no, not even a quarter as much as you!”

He smiled as he ran a hand through her hair, “You’re cute when you’re drunk.”

“I’m always cute!” Lina corrected.

He nodded, “Yes, you are.”

“Damn straight!” she said as she got out of her chair and kissed him on the cheek.

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. “Get some sleep, Lina.” He said.

Get some sleep? Was he crazy? At the same time she was tired, and part of her realized that her sober self in the morning might be mortified if she went too far too fast. “Night!” she said, her head swimming as she stumbled to her room.

Still, there was the burning desire to continue what they had started to its natural conclusion. She grinned to herself as she reasoned that there was nothing keeping her from slipping into his bed in the morning after they had both slept off their excesses. It was a pleasant idea that stuck with her as she entered her room (had she locked the door?) and changed into one of her frillier nightgowns. Without bothering to brush her hair or teeth she sank into bed and was out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

A slap to the face was what roused her, but it didn’t sink in how wrong things really were until she realized that the cry she made in response was drowned out by some sort of gag in her mouth. She couldn’t cast spells if she was gagged! Her eyes shot open, but she could only see darkness as she tried to stand up but found she was pinned down. Someone, no, some people were laughing.

“Lina?” Gourry asked, drawing her back to the present.

She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to hear it!” she yelled.

“Hear what?”

“Whatever it is you have to say! Just shut up!” she snarled as she walked faster, hoping that he wouldn’t notice as she once again struggled to hold back tears.

Lina seethed as she thought about how unfair it was. If it hadn’t have happened, she wouldn’t have felt so guilty over kissing him. She might have surprised him by joining him in his bed that morning rather than sneaking off like thieves in the night. Okay, she had to admit. Odds were she would have woken with a hell of a hangover and moaned about it all through breakfast. But after that wore off surely they would have taken things to a new level.

But now that it had happened how could they be intimate? It didn’t seem right to get close in that way with someone after being raped. And the fact that she was aroused that night fed into her guilt and shame. But she felt it from Gourry! She’d not even noticed them in the dining hall. It was still mortifying to have been assaulted on the evening that she had seriously considered taking things a step further with her long time traveling companion.

First someone manipulated her feelings of love for him to try to get her to destroy the world. Then when she first attempted to act on her amorous feelings for him she was raped. Lina’s shoulders sagged as she wondered just how many other ways her feelings for him could be used against her, and quickly tried to think of something else. The possibilities were too terrifying.

* * *

 

Two steps forward, three steps back Gourry mulled to himself as he sipped his ale while waiting for his food and for Lina to come back with the room keys. Keys. She had insisted that she was good on her own tonight. The day was not ending on a good note.

Never in his life had he berated himself so badly for having an erection. It wasn’t as if he had too much control over these things. She had kissed him after all. His body had responded. And now she could barely look at him again. Worse still, when she did talk to him, she yelled. And all he could think about was how, after all that she had been through, could he have pushed her too fast too soon?

She sat down quietly. “They have Nagillum here.” He said, hoping that the mention of her favorite brew would cheer her up a bit.

A strange looked washed across her face too quickly for him to process it. “I’ve lost my taste for it.” She muttered.

He stared at her. Lina was not a big drinker, but she did enjoy the finer things in life. “When did that happen?” he asked.

She reddened, “Well, who wants to be like that bozo over there, passed out with his wallet hanging open and ready for any thief who stops by?” she asked, indicating a local who was passed out at the bar.

“Well, why don’t you steal it?” he asked.

“I only steal from thieves.”

“So if someone stole his wallet, would you take it from the person who stole it?”

“In a heartbeat!” Lina chirped.

“Your sense of right and wrong is off.”

“Hey!”

The food arrived, and conversation was a wasted effort. Once dinner was demolished they went to their separate rooms. He sat on the bed, sharpening his sword as he listened to her pace around her room. He kept thinking back to the way she had refused the ale and tried to think of the last time he saw her drinking. Her reaction was strange, not the casual way that someone whose tastes had suddenly changed would react. He nearly dropped his sword as he realized that she almost seemed ashamed about it, just like she had when he asked why he had not noticed anything that night.

He set his sword down and gripped the blankets of the bed. They had to have been drunk that night. Both of them. Suddenly everything made sense. He always knew he was taking a gamble when he had more than one drink. Back when he was a mercenary people would tease him about how he had done stuff he had no memory of the previous night while drinking. Many said that getting him drunk was the only way someone could slip into his tent undetected. He never remembered being drunk to know if it was true or not, but in retrospect the only times he’d woken up realizing that something had been missing where the times he remembered nothing of the night before. So it made sense.

A pit formed in his stomach. The knowledge that because he was passed out drunk in the next room some people were able to sneak into her room to rape her settled in his stomach like a badly cooked egg. Guilt overwhelmed him. It was enough to make him never want to drink again.

Feeling the need to go down to the courtyard to practice and work out some of his frustration he grabbed his sword and headed towards the door, only to stop in his tracks as a whooshing sound filled the room and a white light sped past him. _Oh no she didn’t!_ he thought as he ran towards the window to find that yes, Lina was levitating down to the courtyard.

His eyes narrowed as he realized he had just narrowly missed her sleeping spell. He headed towards the door again, working hard to keep his footsteps light despite his anger. He swiftly made his way down the hallway and out of the inn and kept his ears peeled. Odds were she was hunting bandits.

He was right. Soon enough he was able to detect the sound of her attacks spells and the screams of thieves running for their lives. When he caught up to her she was in the thick of it, kicking ass and wreaking havoc as men fled in fear from her. Usually he enjoyed watching her when she was in her element. Tonight he was mad. He thought of putting a stop to her escapade to ream her for the sleep spell but decided it would make it worse. So he settled for watching over her, keeping an eye out to help her if she should need it.

He would confront her once she was finished.

Eventually she got what she wanted and made her way back to the inn. He walked just far enough ahead of her that she wouldn’t notice him and close enough that he could make sure she was okay. He stopped in front of the door to the inn and waited, arms folded, for her to get back.

He could tell when she noticed him. She stiffened and her face set in that manner she did when she was gunning for a fight. “Next time you go bandit hunting, you can let me know rather than sneak around and send spells through my room.” He said evenly as she walked past him.

“Noted.” She replied as he followed her to her room and shut the door behind them. “This is my room, Gourry.”

“I know. And I’ll leave once I say what I have to say.” He said as she set her mantle on the floor and started rummaging through it. “How much did I drink that night?”

She dropped the solid gold bowl she was examining. A look of horror settled in her face as she stared at the space between her hands where the bowl had been. “I lost track after the first bottle.” She said resignedly.

He nodded in understanding. “And you were going to put me under a sleep spell tonight.”

It was not a question. He braced himself to handle a serious pissed off Lina. If everything he said lately that was meant to be kind was provoking her anger, what would confronting her unleash? Still, it had to be said. She just couldn’t go around casting sleep spells on him!

He prepared himself to feel her fingers around his neck. So he was shocked when she looked suitably chastened. “Sorry.” She said, softly but genuinely.

“What were you thinking?” he asked, and instantly regretted it. Like it had the few other times she had apologized unexpectedly, it took him off guard. He stared at her, stunned as she looked at the gold plated bowl but did not seem to really see it. She was biting her lip, most likely in an effort to keep from crying.

“I said I was sorry. What more do you want?” she replied, her voice low.

“I just…just want to know that you won’t do it again.” He stuttered and stumbled, still not quite believing that he was not a bruised, purple lump.

“Fine. You have my word. I won’t put you under a sleep spell unless you ask for one. I won’t drink. And I’ll make sure to be extra careful.”

“All I care about is that you don’t go casting sleep spells behind my back!” he protested.

“Well, it wasn’t a sleep spell that got me in trouble!” she shot back.

“You didn’t get yourself in trouble, someone went looking to cause trouble.” He corrected, even as he realized she was voicing the exact same thing he had thought when he realized that if he hadn’t have been drunk, he would have been able to stop them.

“And they wouldn’t have been able to if I wasn’t drunk!” she yelled.

He stared at her for a moment, not sure of what to say. “Are you wanting this to be your fault?” he asked.

“It is my fault!” she said as a tear slipped down her cheek. “If I hadn’t been drunk, dammit, I don’t even think I locked the door! I practically left the damn welcome mat out! If…”

“You don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t had one drink.” He pointed out quietly. “May be it would have changed things, maybe not.’

Another tear slide down her cheek, “You can’t just let your guard down when you live a dangerous life like I do!”

“And what about that local we saw passed out at the bar?” he asked.

“What about him?” she snapped.

“His wallet was right there in the open. And you didn’t take it.”

“No.” she said, not getting his point. “I told you. I only steal from thieves.”

“Would you slit his throat because he let his guard down?”

“No! And while we’re at it, is there a reason you’re still here?”

“After I first ran away I was mad at the world, I did a lot of stupid things. Once I passed out drunk in a bar, and woke up to find my wallet taken and that someone had given me a good kick to the ribs. Fortunately they didn’t realize the value of my sword. It left me in a bad place. I had no money for food or shelter. I had to take jobs that I now regret just to get some money.”

She finally stared at him, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I want you to understand that just because you’re defenses are weak other people don’t have the right to take advantage of them. What happened after I just left home says more about the thief than me.” He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, “Good night, Lina.”

She watched as he turned around and walked out the door. Seconds passed and she could hear him enter his own room. She dug into her mantle for treasure to sort. _Think about the treasure, Lina! Focus on the treasure!_

Instead she thought about what Gourry had said as she pulled a porcelain vase from her knapsack. It made sense when he put it the way he did. Logically she knew that the village idiot had demonstrated some remarkable wisdom. Emotionally she was having a hard time letting it sink in. If she hadn’t have left her door unlocked, if she hadn’t have gotten drunk, if she hadn’t have flirted like a barmaid…

If she hadn’t have flirted like a barmaid with a man she had traveled with chastely for three years! Anger surged through her veins. Who were they to “punish” her for it? And what business of theirs was it who she flirted with anyway? And what business of theirs was it if she got drunk? She hadn’t invited them into her room in the first place! Her grip on the vase tightened and it shattered in her hands, causing Lina to cry out in shock more than pain.

Fortunately her gloves had protected her hands. Unfortunately, the priceless vase was in pieces. She stared mournfully at it as the sound of Gourry’s door slamming reverberated through the inn, followed by the bang of hers opening.

“You all right?” he asked, hand on his sword.

“Yes.” She said, irritation permeating her voice, “I just broke a vase is all.”

He noticeably relaxed as he let his hand fall to the side. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He made to leave and Lina found herself saying, “Gourry!”

He looked at her.

“Thank you.” She said quietly, “For caring.”

He smiled warmly, “Night Lina.”

“Night.” She said as she started to clean up the remains of the vase. Once done she left her stuff on the floor and climbed into bed. She didn’t bother to extinguish her light spell. It was childish, but she did not want to sleep in the dark. She closed her eyes, and tried to let sleep claim her.


	4. I'm Cold and I Am Shamed Lying Naked on the Floor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia.
> 
> Warnings: Discussions and depictions of rape below.

Lina had gotten some sleep the previous night. Sure, she had had to exhaust herself by sorting treasure to do so, but she had attained it. And she had woken safe and unharmed. It felt good to know that she could reach sleep on her own. The look of relief that swiftly passed through Gourry’s face when she came down for breakfast that morning annoyed her, but by the time that breakfast was demolished it was forgotten.

The day was sunny and pleasant, much like the previous one. Lina’s mood alternated between calm to irritated to angry in a heartbeat. Gourry made a few attempts at conversation but gave up after bearing the brunt of her temper one too many times. They walked in awkward silence until the sun grew high in the sky and they decided to find a place to have lunch.

As they were leaving the road to find a spot to spread a picnic blanket, Lina heard a gasping sound coming from the bushes. She reached out to grab Gourry’s arm and pointed towards them. He shook his head, “Leave it be.” He whispered.

“Someone could be hurt!” she hissed back as she carefully walked towards them, hand on her sword. When she reached them she pulled the foliage back and felt a blush creep to her cheeks.

The man was flat on his back. But it was not in pain that his face contorted into. His eyes were closed as he gasped in pleasure, his hands up and cupping his lover’s breasts. She was on top, a picture of sexual ecstasy as her brown hair fell around her waist as she straddled him, slowly moving up and down him, the look of pleasure he wore mirrored on her own face. Lina quickly let the foliage drop and walked as fast as she could back to Gourry, who looked stunned that the lovers were not roasted pieces of charcoal.

Without saying a word they both took off on the road. “I guess we’ll get a bit further before we have lunch.” He said.

She nodded. “How did you know?”

“The smell.” He said.

She was quiet for a minute before asking, “Have you ever…?”

“Ever what?”

“You know what!” she said as she blushed.

“Taken someone to my bed?” he asked.

She nodded as she looked at the forest.

“Yes.” He said quietly.

“Who?” she asked.

“Local women in places I passed through. I thought it would make me feel better about losing my family. It didn’t. Then there was a woman who fought in my unit. I thought we had something. But when she found out about the Sword of Light she wanted it for herself.”

“She was the merc who tried to kill you for it?” Lina shouted.

He nodded. “Damn!” she said. “Let me guess, you wouldn’t have told me you owned it until that monster we ran into forced your hand.”

He nodded again. “You really took a risk.” She pointed out.

He nodded in agreement. “Sometimes you get stabbed in the back, but I figure you still have to trust someone. Besides, it was use it or be killed.” A moment of silence passed before he changed the topic. “I must say, though, I’m surprised you didn’t fireball those lovers.”

“Why would I do that?” she asked, a bit surprised by his change of subject.

“For insulting your maidenly innocence.”

She stopped in her tracks, feeling as though she had been punched in the gut. “What did you say?”

He stopped, wondering what he had said wrong. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off as she continued. “Did you really forget?”

“Forget what?” he asked.

Lina felt as though she was going to explode, “That night! I’m not a maiden anymore!”

He still looked confused, “But that was rape.”

Lina wondered if he was that stupid. “I’m still not a maiden anymore! I was pregnant!”

“But just because someone is run through by a sword, it doesn’t make them a swordsman. But you can still be just as dead.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she screamed.

“That they are two different things.” He said calmly, as if explaining the obvious to a small child.

“They may be but someone was still there, inside of me!” she protested, “They took it from me!”

His eyes narrowed, “Took what?”

“My first time!”

“Was what happened to you like what you saw that couple doing?” he asked.

Her eyes widened. “No…”

“Then you still haven’t had it yet.” He said as he continued down the road. After a moment he heard her footsteps behind him.

She kept her eyes on the ground, mulling over everything. She had been held down, and when she still wouldn’t cooperate they had put a weapon to her throat. The brunette’s arms were free, her neck uncut. She had felt pain and humiliation. The brunette looked to be fully enjoying herself and radiated pleasure. She had laid there like a ragdoll as her body was violated. The brunette was a full and active participant.

But the similarities were just as glaring. They had both been naked. They had both been joined with someone. And either way neither of them were no longer untouched. Lina had always wanted to be touched by only one man. It was important to her that the man she would spend her life with be the first to touch her, to explore her and enter her. Now that that had been brutally taken away, whoever she would be with would have to contend with the fact that not just one but three men had been there first. She felt disgusted at the thought.

“Doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been touched. I’m still used goods, impure.” She said quietly, a defeated tone to her voice.

“But the shrine maidens in my town were still allowed to continue performing their duties after they were attacked.”

“What?” Lina asked, not sure where that had come from.

“Right before I left home the temple in my town was invaded and a lot of the shrine maidens were raped. There was a big stir about whether or not they were pure enough to continue to serve at the temple after what happened. All of the families had a daughter or sister or cousin or someone blood related there so everyone was really vocal about their beliefs.”

“You mean the Temple of Nediam incident?” she asked. Well, after all this time at least she finally knew where he was from.

“Yes. You heard about it?”

“Who hasn’t? The Head Priest caused quite a stir when he said that they were still maidens and were still pure enough to serve there. Everyone at the Sorcerer’s Guild was talking about it.”

“So if the Priest said that the maidens were still pure enough then why aren’t you still pure or whatever?”

“Plenty of people disagreed with him!” Lina yelled.

“Did you?”

“I didn’t give a damn!” she said, “It was their own bad luck for getting raped in the first place. Why should I have cared?” She took a deep breath before adding, “I didn’t think it could happen to me!”

Suddenly she felt a tremendous amount of shame for her previous lack of empathy. It pressed heavily on her heart and she started to slow down. “Why don’t we find a place to spread a picnic basket?” he asked.

She nodded, though she doubted that she could eat. Mechanically she followed him off the path. When he found a nice clearing she got the blanket out of her mantle and spread it on the ground, followed by the food. They ate in silence, far more slowly than they usually did. Lina felt a huge lump in her throat that did not go away no matter how much she swallowed. When they had finished Gourry asked, “Say Lina, I’ve slept with several different woman. Does that make me used goods?”

“You’re a man!” Lina screamed, “You’re supposed to do that! What type of a naïve idiot are you anyway? They touched me! They entered me! You can never be the first to do that now! I let it get away!”

She took a deep breath and was going to say more, but all that came out was a sob. He put a hand on her shoulder and she buried her face into his chest as she cried. When her sobs died down he said quietly, “I don’t want to pressure you, but I can still be the first there that you want there. And that would be better than what they had. I don’t see you as used goods or any of that bull shit. And anyone who really loves you would feel the same.”

She lay against him as she blinked the water from her eyes, the sense of loss leaving her as numbness pervaded. Slowly his words permeated her consciousness. Strangely it hurt even more to hear them, and she wasn’t sure why.

* * *

 

“Have you been traveling with that lady for long?” the innkeeper asked as Gourry approached the desk.

“A few years.” Gourry replied.

“You should be safe then. You’d better beware, there’s a murderess out on the loose.”

“Oh?” Gourry asked, wondering if there might be a job for Lina and him.

“Back in Sevas. Some sorceress seduced three men and then gutted one with an ax and slit the throats of the other two. Ran out of town before she could be caught. But the bitch didn’t know that one of them was the son of the Duke of Semaj. Now she’s got quite the bounty on her head.”

A sense of disquiet settled in Gourry’s bones as he said, “Sounds pretty serious.”

“And that’s not the kicker.”

“Oh?” Gourry said.

“Rumor has it that the sorceress is none other than the walking force of destruction herself, Lina Inverse.”

Gourry felt the bottom of his stomach drop. “One room.” He said. He didn’t care what Lina would say. If someone had put a bounty on her head he wasn’t letting her out of his sight.

He quickly paid and got the key and went into the dining area to find Lina and make some noise about getting room service so that he could break it to her before she overheard it. “Hey,” he said as he sat down and put the key on the table, his voice dying as he saw the look on her face.

It was as if someone had drained the blood out of her, leaving her ghostly pale. Her eyes were wide with panic and watery. Already he could see the tears pooling within. She was biting her lip as her hands shook. He could tell she was listening intently to something, and it didn’t take long to figure out what.

“They were such nice men, too. The innkeeper’s son was married to a nice woman. He would never have strayed. That witch must have cast some hell of a spell on him!”

“Wow, but why would she do that?”

“Well, she’s supposed to be butt ugly. Supposedly the slut flirted with all of the men in the inn with no takers before resorting to such devious tricks. No tits and huge moles on her forehead. The only way she must have been able to get a man would be by casting a spell on him.”

“That makes sense but why kill them?”

“So no one could tell the gruesome tale of having to fuck her?”

There was a round of laughter and Lina stood up. Gourry felt his hand go down to his sword. If she said anything there would be trouble. She would betray her identity and there would be a scuffle to hand her in for what was most likely a handsome bounty. Without a word she grabbed the key and headed towards the stairs.

“It would be just like the Dragon Spooker to slay a man after she fucks him! She’s like a praying mantis that one!” one of the men said with a laugh.

“That’s not funny! Three good men are dead!”

Gourry followed her, and thankfully their voices faded as they got closer to their room. She found it easily enough, but her hands were shaking so hard she had a difficult time putting the key in. Eventually she got the door open and walked straight to the bed as he closed and locked it behind them. She knelt beside the bed, grabbed the chamber pot that was under it and threw up.

Gourry knelt beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. She trembled as she wiped her mouth with her glove. “I did flirt.” She said mechanically, her voice oddly lifeless. “I flirted. But only with one person. I flirted with you. We were both drunk. It seemed like the right thing to do. And then we went to our rooms. I don’t think you wanted to progress so fast when we were drunk, and I was tired.”

She suddenly grabbed his arm so tightly that any comment he made died in his throat. Her voice became more tense as she continued, “I went to sleep. I’m not sure how much time passed, but I woke up when they slapped me. There was a gag in my mouth so I couldn’t cast spells. They had pulled my nightgown over my head so I couldn’t see. I tried to struggle but they were holding down my arms.”

The queasiness in his stomach expanded. He felt a hand grip his heart. He did not want to know the details of that night. It was bad enough knowing it happened, but knowing the hows was too much. It was too painful to listen to! “You don’t have to explain.” He said, “I believe you.”

“I have to set the record straight!” she yelled as her grip on his arm tightened, “What they said down there, that’s not what happened! They said I wanted it! That I started it! That I raped them! I didn’t!”

Her voice rose in alarm and he moved his hand from her shoulder and put it on top of the hand that was gripping his arm. He was sure there would be a bruise in the morning, but he knew he could handle it. Just like her could handle hearing her story. “Then set it straight.” He said quietly as he braced himself.

“It was three against one. I tried to struggle, but I was so disoriented. They said that as drunk as I got and as much as I was flirting I must have wanted someone to join me! They called me a slut, and told me I could open my legs and cooperate and they would make it feel good, but if I continued fighting they would make it hurt.”

She sniffed and took a deep breath, “I kept fighting, and I must have given one of them a good kick. I did something to piss them off because they told me I’d just made it a lot worse for myself.”

She took a deep breath as she blinked away tears from her eyes. More continued to fill them. “Then they put an ax to my throat. He pressed it hard enough to draw blood, but not enough to do real damage. I stopped fighting. They told me they would kill me if I didn’t spread them. I didn’t want to die!”

Her breathing became raspy as she choked, “I should have let them kill me rather than…”

He squeezed her hand as fear shot through him. Lina never talked like that! “Don’t say that!”

She shuddered, “I should have let them kill me, but I parted them because I was too scared. They were touching me, making fun of me! I realized one was inside of me and I wanted to push him off but I didn’t want to cut myself on the ax so I stayed still. It hurt. I was in agony and I was too scared to move. When the first one finished they cut my nightgown off because they said they wanted to see my face. Then there was the second one, but I kept looking at the one with the ax because it scared me so much. Then the third…”

Her voice was drowned by sobs. Gourry’s own sight was blurry with his own tears. Guilt rose within him as he listened to her, mired with helplessness. After all that she meant to him how could he have not been there for her? And why was there nothing he could do now to make it better? How could he help her take the pain away?

She collected herself enough to continue, “Once the third one had finished I thought it was over, but they each went again! I didn’t know men could do it more than once a night! I didn’t think I could go through it again, but I kept looking at the ax and I knew I had to.

“They were drinking the whole time. After the second round they had a hard time getting it up, but they found other ways until they could. It hurt so much, but the ax! They were drinking, they were drunk! The ax kept nipping my neck and there was so much blood running down my throat, I was scared I was going to bleed to death or that he was going to pass out and decapitate me! And it was pressed so tightly to my throat that if I moved I was scared I was going to behead myself!

“The one holding it to my throat, he passed out and I grabbed the ax and I swung it in the stomach of the one whose turn it was. I killed them, and I don’t regret it. I’d do it again! Hell, I wish they were alive so I could kill them again and make it just as painful as what they put me through!”

He was shaking. What the hell do you say after hearing that? He felt alarmingly helpless. He desperately wanted to find the words to say that would make it right. But there were none. She took a deep breath and let go of his arm. “Thanks for listening.” She said as she stood up and ran a hand through her hair. On more than one occasion she had impressed him with her ability to pull herself together remarkably fast. This was one of those.

She took off her mantle as he stood up. Suddenly she sat on the bed, a look of horror on her face. “Lina?” he asked.

“My parents! My folks back home! My Sis keeps tabs of me. Dammitt, Gourry, they’re going to find out!” she said as she put a hand around her mouth, “They can’t find out! What am I going to do?”

He stared at her, paralyzed with the knowledge that he had no solutions she would like. Why couldn’t he do more for her? “They must hear rumors about you all of the time. They have to know a lot aren’t true.” He offered feebly.

She acted as though she hadn’t heard him, “I should have let them cut my throat!”

Her statement chilled him to the core as the image of him going to her room that morning and finding her naked, blood stained and dead on the bed assaulted him. His alarm grew as she continued, “My folks can’t know! Sis will say I should have died rather than let them violate me.”

Her voice was rising in pitch as panic consumed her. Gourry stared at her forlornly as he felt the situation spiral rapidly out of his control. “What am I going to do?” she shrieked.

He was getting scared that someone might overhear them from the hallway. “May be you should tell them before they hear it from someone else with the wrong story.” He said.

“You idiot! That’s crazy!”

“You didn’t want me to know. Why?”

“I didn’t want you to think it was my fault or think I was weak or damaged goods…”

“And I know and I don’t!” he hissed. “Anyone who really cares about you wouldn’t. Get that through your head!”

She stared at him blankly as she whispered, “I don’t want to feel this way anymore! I want it to be over, I’m tired of this, it keeps getting worse and worse…”

The defeatist tenor to her words left him petrified. And he hadn’t even told her about the bounty. Did she know? She needed to, but he was scared of contributing to the downward spiral she was already careening on.

“Why are you still here?” she asked, “You should go to your room and get some rest.”

“My room is here.” He explained, “Only one room tonight, Lina.”

“No!” she said, “No, they’re calling me a slut, we can’t share a room…”

“They don’t know you’re here!” he pointed out, “And I can sleep on the floor, but we’re stuck with each other for the night.”

She stared at the door as her jaw dropped, “Then go take a bath or something, just get out of here!”

Something about her need for alone time combined with her earlier statements was building a growing sense of disquiet within him. “What are you planning?”

She turned to face him, fire burning in her eyes, “It’s none of your business, just get the hell out of here before I kick you out!”

“Lina, you’re scaring me.” He stated, “Just tell me what you plan to do.”

She charged at him and brought her arms up. He prepared himself to deflect her blow, but instead she wrapped her arms around him tightly, “I don’t want to feel this way anymore!” she said as she lowered them slowly down his body, “I’m tired of feeling angry all the time, I just want it to go away!”

She stood up on her toes as her hands caressed his bottom. Usually he would have found it arousing as she moved forward, obviously to kiss him. But after hearing the details of that night, he was feeling far from turned on. He took a step back and put his hands on her shoulders. “Lina, after you kissed me you couldn’t talk to me for a whole day without shouting.”

She looked up at him, stricken as she wrapped her arms around her stomach, “I don’t want to feel this way anymore! Please, make this go away!”

He reached a hand out to stroke her cheek, wishing that there was more that he could do. “Sometimes we just have to feel, even if it is painful. And I know that you’re strong enough to feel it and get through it.”

She stared at him as though betrayed before turning away and taking off her mantle and letting it drop to the floor. She kicked off her boots and lay on the bed. She thought about saying to hell with it, to get raging drunk. At least if she was drunk she wouldn’t give a damn. She thought about casting a sleeping spell on Gourry and running off to the Outer World. And if she had to be really honest with herself, she thought about casting a sleeping spell on him and then ending it for her. And that was when she knew she had really sunken to a new low, if she was even contemplating that.

She felt sick. The bed became taught as Gourry sat on it beside her and stroked her arm. “Gourry?” she asked.

“Yes?”

“You can hold me if you want.”

There was a pause. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

Another pause followed. “Sometimes in the morning when men wake up we’re hard. It goes away on its own after a while. It’s just I don’t want to scare you with anything.”

“You won’t. It’s okay.” She said.

Slowly he lay behind her, her back to his chest, and wrapped an arm around her. She closed her eyes and fought against the anger and despair she was feeling. Gradually a sense of numbness grew within her, allowing her to drift into a troubled sleep. When she woke she could hear him snoring lightly. Her stomach grumbled, a reminder that she had not had dinner. She sat up, waking him in the process.

“Lina?” he asked.

“What?”

“How are you feeling?”

She sighed, “Like I’ve been dragged through a cactus patch by a team of wild horses.”

“What are you planning to do?”

“Mission hasn’t changed. We’ll reach Rolat tomorrow. Or is tomorrow today?”

She noticed him relax a little, but not completely. “Lina, there’s something I have to tell you.”

“What?” she asked tiredly.

He put a hand on her shoulder as he said, “The innkeeper said that one of the men was the son of a duke, and that the duke has put a bounty on your head.”

She laughed. “Great, this keeps getting better, doesn’t it? I just can’t catch a break.”

“What are we going to do about it?”

She laid down, “Damned if I know. We’ll deal with that as it comes.”

He stared at her incredulously, “Lina, this is serious!”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“We’re going to need help to deal with this.”

“Huh?”

“That girl who gives the justice speeches.”

“Amelia?”

“She has resources. She can stop the duke.”

“I can too with a fast Dragon Slave. Let him come after me, I’d love the chance to take on the man who spawned that monster!”

“This is serious!”

“And so am I! I’m not going to Seyruun and telling Amelia anything. I don’t want her to know, and I definitely don’t want Phil to know. You were right. Whatever they hear about me they’ll think is just some nasty rumor someone with a grudge started. If I go to Seyruun, they’ll know.”

“The way you want to keep it a secret, it seems like you think it is your shame to bear.” He pointed out.

Irritation ran through her as she laid back down. “Because it is. Now I’m tired. Goodnight.”

 _How can I show you that it’s not?_ he wondered.


	5. And She Will Leave Our Game to Never Be the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Sugarcane" by Missy Higgins.

“These are of impeccable craftsmanship.” The shopkeeper said as she examined an amulet. “Did you make them?”

“I did.” Lina said proudly as she casually leaned against the counter. They had finally reached Rolat a bit before lunch time, and after finding a bite to eat, they had set off to find a place to sell the treasure they had accumulated.

“I’ll take them,” she said, and then she quoted a price.

“That much for this type of work? No way! I won’t take less than…”

And so the haggling began. Usually Gourry was perfectly content to sit back and watch as she worked. Now he kept glancing out of the windows, keeping an eye out for anyone who might have spotted Lina and would want to claim the bounty. Eventually something about the way the women were talking changed, catching his attention.

“I’m glad we could make a deal with these. Ever since Baron Rolat’s daughter went missing people have wanted to beef up their protective measures. These will sell like hotcakes!”

Lina raised her eyebrows, “We’re not from here. What happened?”

“No one knows.” She replied as she counted out money from her till, “One night she went to bed, and the next morning she was gone. They say her bed had been slept in but there was no sign of a struggle.”

“Couldn’t she have just run off?” Lina asked.

“She didn’t bring anything with her, well, a necklace she always wore is gone, but she supposedly wore it to sleep. But she brought no clothes or money or food. Besides, she’s just the sweetest thing ever. And she adores her parents. There’s no way Pearl Rolat would do that.”

She handed Lina the money, which she counted before they thanked each other for their business and Lina exited the store with Gourry. “Did you hear that?” she asked quietly.

“About the Baron’s daughter? Is this the Baron with the sword?”

“The very one.” Lina said, “Most likely she ran off if you ask me. But hey, we can certainly offer our services to the Baron. And if we’re very lucky we can get the sword in exchange for bringing her home.”

“Do you really think you can find her?”

“Just shut up and let me do the talking, okay?”

Gourry grinned. This was more like the old Lina. It was wonderful to see her back in her stride, especially in the wake of her meltdown the previous night. While she had been rather distraught in the morning, something about arriving at Rolat and getting down to business was cracking through the depression and anger that had clung to her for so long. They walked companionably to the area of town where they were told the Baron resided. Either news of the bounty on Lina’s head had not reached Rolat yet or commotion over the disappearance of Pearl Rolat was so great that no one cared.

* * *

 

Baron Eric Rolat was still a handsome man. His fair colored hair was greying and slightly unkempt. Lines marred the skin around his pale blue eyes. He looked like a man who usually smiled, but the circumstances were so grim that he simply could not manage it. He held hands with his wife, Chloe, who looked so off balance that it seemed as though a gentle breeze would knock her over at any minute. “So you say that you are Lina Inverse.” He said.

Lina nodded as she sipped her tea. Gourry tensed. “You’ve heard of me?”

“I’m a cousin of Prince Phil.” Chloe said, her voice hoarse, most likely from heavy rounds of crying. “He speaks highly of you. Something about some incident with one of his brothers, Randy, I think. He tried to take over the throne with the help of some monsters…”

“You mean Kanzeil and Mazenda? And it wasn’t Randy, it’s was Christopher’s son, Alfred.” Lina corrected. Chloe relaxed a little. Lina understood. When you’re of noble blood there’s always someone looking to scam you.

“Do you think you can help us?” Eric asked, the desperation heavy in his voice.

“I’m willing to give it a shot. I need to know some more details.” Lina replied.

Eric and Chloe exchanged a glance. Chloe lowered her hands, revealing a portrait that she held there, “This is our daughter, Pearl. Two weeks ago she vanished.”

Lina took the portrait and examined it. Pearl looked like a younger version of her father, with fair hair and pale blue eyes. She looked sweet and angelic in a white lace gown. Her mother continued, “It was the eve of her 18th birthday. There was going to be a big party. She was so excited about it. When she went to bed that night everything seemed normal. But in the morning she was gone.”

“I heard that her bed was unmade.” Lina stated.

Chloe nodded, “And the window was open. She never leaves it open. But it was on the third floor, I don’t see how she could have climbed down.”

“Meaning that if someone took her he likely had the ability to levitate.” Lina said contemplatively. “What was missing that morning?”

“She has a necklace that’s been passed through our family that she always wears. It has properties in it that promote good health.” Eric said.

Lina’s ears perked, “So it’s magical.”

He nodded, “Yes. It was gone, but that was to be expected with her missing.”

“Everything else is as she left it.” Chloe cut in, “All of her dresses, her possessions, nothing else is missing.”

“Do you happen to have a copy of the magical patterns of the necklace?” Lina asked.

Eric and Chloe exchanged a glance, “Well, yes. But Det Ybund already went over those. It led to a dead end.”

“Who?” Lina asked.

“Det’s a sorcerer. He offered to help when Pearl went missing.” Chloe explained. “He tried to scry for the necklace but didn’t have any luck. He said something was masking his ability to find it.”

“I want to have a shot at it, if you don’t mind.”

Eric rang a bell, and a trusty old butler came in. “Yandell, could you get a copy of the magical patterns for Pearl’s necklace?”

“Certainly.” Yandell said.

There was a moment of silence after he left, broken by Chloe, “Prince Phil speaks highly of you, but he’s also mentioned that your services come at a price.”

Lina nodded, “They do.”

“We’re willing to pay what it takes to get our daughter back.” Chloe said, “No price is too much.”

Lina thought for a minute. The Rolats seemed like good people. And there was only one thing she wanted from them. But if she went out and named it would they lie and say they didn’t have it? It was a risk she would have to take, “The truth is it’s no accident that we were here.” Lina explained, “We’re looking for a sword for Gourry here, and there’s a legend that you possess the Blast Sword.”

Eric’s eyes shot open, “That’s what you want?”

“Do you have it?” Lina asked.

“Well, yes. But I don’t see how it could be of any use to you.” Eric said, “The damn thing is so sharp that it cuts through anything. Once as a child I snuck into the show room to touch it and dropped it. It cut through the floor and the floor beneath it and it luckily just missed one of the maids! Have you ever heard of too much efficiency? It’s called the Blast Sword.”

“Gourry here may be lacking in brains, but he’s one hell of a swordsman.” Lina said, not quite believing her luck, “If anyone can figure out how to wield it, it would be him.”

“Hell, I’d pay you to take it off our hands, then! We’ve wanted to get rid of it for so long, we were always scared of it. But we didn’t trust anyone else with it either.”

“Then it’s a deal,” Lina said as she held out her hand, “We find Pearl, and we get the sword.”

Eric clasped her hand.

* * *

 

Lina’s face scrunched up in concentration as she scryed for Pearl’s necklace. Gourry, Eric, and Chloe watched tensely as she looked at a map and at the paper containing the magical patterns and a crystal ball. Finally she pointed to a spot on the map. “There.” She said decidedly. “It’s there.”

Eric and Chloe looked at where she indicated and exchanged a glance, “It can’t be.” Chloe said.

“What?” Lina asked.

“It’s Det’s place.” Eric said.

“Hmm.” Lina said, “What can you tell me about Det?”

“He’s a sweet kid. Not like his father.” Chloe said, shuddering at the memory of the elder Ybund.

“Was he friends with Pearl?” Lina asked.

“Not really” Eric said, “He went to school through the Sorcerer’s Guild, and Pearl has had private tutors all her life. She’s only talk to him briefly when we went to services at the Temple.”

 _Either your daughter had a secret lover she didn’t want you knowing about or Det is not as sweet as you think._ Lina thought to herself. “So, Det’s a sorcerer. What’s his specialty?”

“Chimeras.” Eric replied.

Lina shuddered, “Look, anyone who messes in building chimeras is suspect in my book.”

“But he doesn’t build them.” Chloe said, “He works to separate them. His father was the one who built chimeras. He was a horrible man. Died under strange circumstances, most likely at the hand of one of his creations. Det wants to right what his father had done.”

“That’s interesting.” Lina said as she wondered if Det might have found anything that could help Zel. “Most people don’t see that as a productive field of inquiry. At any rate, I think Gourry and I best have a chat with Det.”

“We’re coming with you!” Eric said.

Lina shook her head, “I don’t think there will be a fight, but if there is that last thing we need to do is to worry about your hides while saving your daughter. It will go a lot more smoothly if you let Gourry and I do our jobs.”

Chloe put a hand on his arm. Gourry felt a surge of empathy for the man. He knew what it was like to feel the failure that comes when you can’t protect the person you love the most. “Bring her back safe.” He said.

* * *

 

“What’s the plan?” Gourry asked as they walked to Det’s house.

“Odds are little Pearl developed a crush on Det and was scared to tell her parents for whatever reason. We go in, I chat Det up about his research, you pull the ‘I have to go to the bathroom’ stunt, and while I’m milking Det’s research findings, you look for Pearl.”

Gourry did not like the idea of leaving her alone with Det. “Something is off, Lina. Eric and Chloe don’t seem like they would have had any problem with Pearl dating Det. Why would she run off with him?”

“Right now they’re grieving.” Lina pointed out dismissively, “They most likely regret being too hard on her or whatever.”

He stared at her. He was scared. He was convinced that there was something sinister about Pearl’s disappearance. And the bounty on her head weighed heavily on his shoulders. And while she was acting more like her usual self and it was good to see her back in action, she seemed aggravatingly dismissive of any danger she was putting herself in. And it irritated him! She sighed with annoyance as she saw the look he was giving her, “Or do you have a better plan?”

“I don’t like the thought of splitting up.” He stated.

“Well, unless you have a better plan, deal with it.” She snapped as they reached Det’s house.

It was a small cabin. At least he wouldn’t have many places to search. Lina knocked on the door, and shortly thereafter a short, dark haired man opened the door. “Yes?” he asked.

“Det Ybund?” Lina asked.

“Yes.” He said.

“Lina Inverse.” She said as she brushed a hand through her hair.

“The Lina Inverse?” he said, and Gourry gripped his sword. Had he heard about the bounty?

“The one and only.” Lina replied.

“This, this is an honor!” Det stuttered as he clasped her hand. “Come in, please! And you are?”

“This is Gourry.” Lina said as she entered the cabin, followed by her protector. “I’m brains, he’s brawns.”

“Sit, please sit! This is so exciting! What brings you here?” Det said, indicating a sofa.

“I heard that you were doing some research on separating chimeras.” Lina explained, “We have a friend who would be interested in it. I want to see what you have.”

“Certainly!” Det said, “My lab is in the basement. Come along.”

Lina and Gourry followed him through a secret passage and into a hallway. Gourry scrunched his nose at the faint smell of urine and human sweat. It smelled like a dungeon, only less potent. He doubted anyone else would have picked up on it. He kept his hand on his sword as Det opened a door and led them in. “Sit, sit!” he said as he dug through a pile of notes.

Lina got out her spectacles and started to examine a sheet of paper he shoved under her nose. She asked a question that made no sense to Gourry, but did to Det, who answered enthusiastically. He waited until the two were deep into their discussion before casually saying, “Hey Lina, I have to go to the bathroom.”

Lina rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, “Det, do you mind if Gourry uses your bathroom?”

“No, not at all. Just go back the way you came into the main cabin, and it’s the door by the bedroom. And don’t go wandering around. In have to keep some rather nasty creatures here for research purposes.”

“Thanks.” Gourry said as he walked out of the room, and then inhaled. The scent was worrying him. It smelled human, not creature. Instead of going back to the main cabin he went further down into the hallway. It became more powerful. A rock formed in his stomach. Something was not right. The hallway dead ended into a door and he cracked it open.

His eyes widened in horror. He shut the door, and purposefully turned around and walked back to where he had left Lina with Det. Where he had left Lina with a monster! He took a deep breath to control himself and stopped himself from shaking as he entered the room.

Lina was okay. She and Det were deep into some discussion about the mechanics of uncreating chimeras or whatever. She glanced at him quizzically as he entered. Det didn’t seem to notice him at all as Gourry clubbed him over the head.

“Gourry!” Lina cried as Det fell to the floor, unconscious.

“Better tie him up.” Gourry said as he took a deep breath.

Lina looked at him, and then dug out some rope from her mantle. “How bad is it?” she asked.

“She’s alive.” Gourry said as he grabbed the rope from Lina and worked to secure Det to a chair. “You’d better go in there. It’d be better for a woman to help her.”

A sense of disquiet fell upon her like a blanket as she looked at him. She had rarely seen him look so rattled. He finished tying Det up and then looked at her. He reached out to squeeze her hands, “I’m sorry for what you’re about to see, especially after…after everything that’s happened to you.”

Lina’s eyes widened as the bottom seemed to drop from her stomach. He continued steadily, “Just remember that I…I’m here for you.”

She pulled away from him and set off down the hallway, somehow knowing which room to go to. She opened the door and stopped in her tracks. The smell was overpowering. Urine and body odor, blood and feces. Lina felt as though she was going to retch. There wasn’t much in the room. Straw. A bucket. A wooden table. And chained to that table was Pearl Rolat, naked, bloodied, and lying in a pile of her own filth.

“Please, no more.” Pearl croaked as she turned her head to stare at Lina, her face instantly morphing from one of terror to relief, “Someone found me?” She asked, as if she couldn’t quite believe it.

“Oh my…” Lina breathed as her eyes widened in horror. She wanted to look away but could not take her eyes off of Pearl’s naked and exposed body, covered with sores and bruises.

“Get me out of here!” she shrieked as she tried to lift herself up.

Lina snapped into action as she looked for the keys, found them pinned to the wall, grabbed them and inserted the key into the cuff holding down Pearl’s right hand. Dried blood formed a crust between her wrist and the cuff, and her wrist was badly bruised. Pearl cried out as Lina removed the cuff. “I’m sorry.” Lina said with a wince.

“Just get me out of here!” Pearl shouted as Lina moved over to uncuff her left wrist.

Pearl slowly sat up as her left hand was freed and Lina moved down to her legs, averting her eyes from the bruises lining her body and the blood that pooled between them. Lina unlocked her and Pearl threw herself into Lina’s arms as she cried. Lina stood there, stiff as a board for a minute before she hugged her back.

They stayed that way for minutes as Pearl’s sobs reverberated through the room. Eventually Lina gently put her hands on Pearl’s shoulders, “Come on, you need a healing spell and we’ll get you bathed.”

* * *

Gourry kept his sword out and ready as he watched Det warily. He had gagged the sorcerer. He wasn’t taking any chances. Lina had stopped by briefly to tell him she was going to help Pearl bathe before heading back to the Rolat’s. “Be careful.” He cautioned as she left and he kept his eye on the dirt bag in front of him.

Lina’s rapists were dead. But this one was alive and helpless before him. He couldn’t do anything to those who had harmed Lina, but he had the power to make Pearl’s tormentor hurt. All of the guilt, anger, and helplessness he felt since learning that Lina had been attacked charged through his veins. He had finally found an outlet for it.

Det stirred and his eyes shot open. “We found Pearl.” Gourry said.

Det’s eyes widened as Gourry put his sword to Det’s throat. He wondered if the man even cared about the harm he had caused Pearl. Or the harm he had caused for every person who loved Pearl or would ever love Pearl.

A chill went through him as he figured that someone capable of chaining a woman to a table and torturing her was incapable of feeling guilt and shame. Unfortunately Pearl would likely feel the guilt and shame that should have been his alone for the rest of her life.

Det tried to say something through his gag as a shiny sheen of sweat appeared on his brow. It would be so easy to kill him. But deep inside Gourry knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t right to take a man down when he couldn’t fight back. Even if that man was a rapist.

“I have no need to hear any filthy excuse you have for yourself!” Gourry spat as he pressed the sword more tightly to his throat. His grin was full of malice as Det whimpered. He had given a lot of thought as to how he would have slowly killed Lina’s tormentors. It was time to put that to use, “Are you aware of how castration works?” he asked coldly as he moved the sword downward.

* * *

 

The bathwater turned rust colored as blood and dirt mingled within it as Pearl scrubbed herself clean. Lina had healed her wounds, her physical ones. She wished she had some magic to cure Pearl’s emotional ones,

Lina was amazed at how well she was able to keep her cool. She even felt a certain degree of detachment. She was on a job, and she could attend to herself once it was complete. Right now Pearl needed her. “Here.” Lina said, handing her a dress that she kept on hand as Pearl got out of the bath.

Pearl nodded her thanks and quickly got dressed. As Pearl was both taller and more buxom than Lina it stretched out awkwardly on her, but it was better than nothing. “Come on.” Lina said quietly as she wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her out into the living room. “Let’s get you back to your folks.”

“How can I go back?” Pearl asked softly as she sank into the sofa. “After what he did to me? How can I face my father after this?”

Pearl’s statement struck Lina to the core. How could she ask Pearl to go home and face her family after she herself could not do it? “What would you do instead?” Lina asked.

Pearl buried her face into her hands and wept. “I have nothing else to go to! I’m unclean now! Who will want me or take me in?”

Lina looked at Pearl, with her soft angelic features and beautiful light blond hair. She looked just as pure and clean as she did in her portrait. Suddenly anger welled up within her. “That’s bullshit!” Lina cried, and Pearl’s neck snapped around to stare at her. “How do the actions of some monster make you unclean? It’s his shame, not yours!”

Lina felt herself shaking. Pearl had been abducted from her own bedroom. She had not been drunk. She had not flirted in a tavern. She had not done anything to deserve what happened! Why was she blaming herself?

Tears streamed down Pearl’s face as she argued, “But he said I drove him to do it! He said I was taunting him at Temple, wearing pretty dresses. I never close my drapes, I thought that high up on the third floor no one would see me undress, but he did! He said I was teasing him, that I drove him to do it!”

“You didn’t drive him to do shit!” Lina spat, shocked at the lengths one person would go to blame someone else for their behavior. “The only way someone could have seen you undressing from that height was by using a levitation spell. He was looking for trouble.”

“That maybe.” Pearl conceded warily, “But I can’t tell my parents what happened! How could I have let them down like this? I’m supposed to go to my debutante ball in a week. Who will court me now?”

Lina looked at Pearl and had a hard time believing that a man would reject her just because she had been raped. She looked very much like the model wife. “Your parents love you.” Gourry said quietly, and Lina spun around. When had he come in? “We talked to them before we came here. They love you.” He said as he put a hand on Lina’s shoulder, “They’re worried sick about you. And someone who loves you isn’t going to care!” he said as he gave Lina’s shoulder a squeeze.

“And if a man wouldn’t court you because this happened to you, then he’s not worthy of you.” Gourry said firmly as Lina felt a lump build up in her throat. “People are going to say a lot. Some of it stupid, some of it helpful. Listen to the helpers. Look to the people standing beside you. And know that they are the ones who are worth it.”

Pearl looked between Lina and Gourry, “Would you take someone who was violated to be your wife?” she asked, her voice a harsh whisper.

Gourry squeezed Lina’s shoulder again as she felt a tear trail down her face. “In a heartbeat if I loved her.”

Pearl looked at the ground and took a deep breath. “Take me home now, before I change my mind.”

* * *

 

Lina watched Gourry as he practiced with his new sword and felt herself relax as the tension from the day’s events slowly drifted away from her. Taking Pearl home had proved to be quite the ordeal. Gourry dragged Det behind him, gagged and bound while Lina kept a possessive arm around Pearl and walked a bit ahead of them. As soon as the townspeople noticed Pearl out in the open a crowd had gathered. Pearl was obviously well adored by the people of Rolat.

But Pearl was not ready for so much attention. Nor the questions or the whispered mumblings. Most people were concerned, asking if she was okay or expressing relief that she was safe. But then there was the kid that straight out asked her if she was raped, and it took all of Lina’s willpower to keep her from smacking him into the next precinct.

At some point during the trip the authorities arrived. “Police.” A uniformed man said as he flashed Gourry a badge.

Gourry gladly handed Det to him, “Have him arrested for the kidnapping of Pearl Rolat.”

“May I have your names if we have further questions?”

“I’m Gourry. She’s busy.”

“Ma’am?” the officer asked.

Lina rolled her eyes, “I’m Lina.”

He nodded, “I’ll be back at the mansion to interview Miss Rolat later and get your statement.”

He then thankfully took Det off their hands. Shortly thereafter they reached the Rolat’s mansion. Eric and Chloe burst through the gate as soon as they caught sight of Lina and Gourry returning with their daughter and rushed to embrace her as people gathered around them.

Lina huffed in agitation, “All right folks, nothing to see here, give the family some privacy and move along!”

Gourry worked to direct them into the mansion. Finally they got through the gate and shut the curious onlookers out. Lina did not truly feel herself relax until they were behind the thick walls of the mansion and seated in the parlor.

Pearl cried as she clung to her mother, who rocked her back and forth repeating, “Thank goodness you’re all right!”

Lina and Gourry watched awkwardly until Eric finally was able to tear his attention away from his daughter and towards them. “What happened?”

Lina paused. “When Gourry and I got there, I talked with Det about his research while Gourry made some noise about using the bathroom. Really he wanted to search the house. And it didn’t take him long to find that Det was keeping her there under lock and key.”

“What?” Eric exclaimed.

Pearl had stopped crying. She was looking at her father, fear etched all over her face. Eric turned to look at her, “Pearl, what happened?”

She took a deep breath as she explained weakly, “I went to bed . When I woke up I was chained to a table in a place I’ve never been in before. Det said I was his now, and no one was going to take me from him.”

The color drained from Eric’s face as Chloe held her daughter closer. “He was wrong. We got you back!”

Lina watched Eric tensely as he started to ask and then his voice drifted off, “Did he…?”

Pearl buried her face in her mother’s breast as Eric sat down in a chair. “It doesn’t matter what that son of a bitch did, you’re still my precious daughter.”

Lina exhaled a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding as she found Gourry’s hand. Eric reached out to stroke Pearl’s hair for a minute before turning his attention to Lina and Gourry. “My family will be forever in your debt.”

“We just glad we were able to help.” Gourry said genuinely.

“I believe I owe you a sword.” He said as he rang a bell before adding, “What am I saying? I owe you far more than a sword! What is it you want?”

“The Blast Sword will more than suffice.” Lina said. Somehow it didn’t seem right asking for more. “We shook on it.”

Yandell came in, carrying a sword kept in a peculiar looking sheath. “You did it! You got her back!” he exclaimed as he saw Pearl.

“Yes, they did.” Eric said as he took the sword and waved Yandell away dismissively. “The sheath is special. I think that there’s some sort of magic on it that prevents the blade from cutting through it. Make sure you take care of it.”

He handed the sword to Gourry, who accepted it evenly. “Make sure you take care of her.” Gourry replied.

The doorbell rang, and Lina could hear Yandell trudging down the hallway to answer it. She stood up. “My partner and I had best get going. We’ll probably hang around for a day if you have any questions, but we never stay in one place too long.”

“You are welcome to stay here for the night.” Chloe said. “We have some nice guest rooms.”

“We don’t want to impose.”

“Please, Miss Lina.” Pearl implored. “I would feel better knowing you’re close by.”

Lina looked at Gourry, who was telling her without words that it was her choice. “We’ll consider it.” Lina said at last. “But for now we’ve got some sparring to do.”

“Sir, the police are here to get a statement.” Yandell said as he entered the room.

“Right.” Eric said tiredly. “Why don’t you show Miss Inverse and Mr. Gabriev out?”

They followed Yandell out of the hall and passed a quartet of police officers. “Miss Inverse.” One said, and Lina was in such a hurry to get out and test the sword’s power that it did not occur to her to wonder when she had dropped her surname.

They swiftly made their way to the outskirts of town, eager to test whether or not this was the real deal. The houses were out of view and forest stretched ahead of them and Gourry took out the sword and swiftly felled a tree. Lina felt a spark of excitement shoot through her. “Incredible!” she exclaimed as Gourry turned his attention to a boulder and cut it in half.

He grinned, “It looks like I’m back in action!”

Careful to make sure she didn’t impale herself on the blade, she ran and threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. “I told you I’d get you a sword worthy of the Sword of Light!”

He hugged her back with his free hand, “I never doubted you would.”

She pulled away, looking a little embarrassed at her forwardness as she sat down on the trunk of the tree he had felled. “Of course, there’s no telling whether or not it will cut through Mazoku yet, but this is promising.”

“I’m going to put it through some paces.” He said as he assumed a fighting stance while Lina watched, her heart lighter than it had been in months. How wonderful it was to feel joy again! To really feel it, and not fake it! She couldn’t stop grinning as she watched him, even as the dark underbelly of the day tugged at the fringes of her mind. She had thought she had fallen. But maybe she had merely stumbled. And with the Blast Sword, she and Gourry could be more powerful than ever.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there and watched him, but eventually he sat down on the trunk of the tree he had felled beside her. “Why did you stop?” she asked.

“Water break.” He explained.

She smiled at him. “I love watching you practice.” She said.

“I love you watching.” He replied as he brought the canteen to his lips.

She grinned as they danced around the truth about their feelings for each other. Something about accomplishing a mission together successfully had revived their camaraderie. It felt good to know that she could still kick ass and get a job done well. And something about helping Pearl was healing. Arguing with her against the feelings of guilt and shame that she herself had felt was oddly liberating.

If she could tell Pearl that she was still pure and clean, why couldn’t see extend to herself that same sight?

She grabbed Gourry’s hand, “Have I ever told you that you’re worth it?”

He put the canteen down as he turned to face her, “No.” he replied. His words were short, but his expression showed that he was touched.

She moved her arm up to rest on his bicep as she moved so they were face to face. “You have my permission to court me if you like. Just take it slow.”

He looked intently into her eyes and moved forward to kiss her. She opened to receive him. They remained locked together for a few minutes before he pulled away and caressed her cheek. “Slowly.” He said.

She nodded as she took a deep breath. She felt like she needed a good cry, but she wanted to wait for nightfall. There was the warmth that came from knowing that he would stand beside her. And there was the sadness that came with all she had seen that day as well as the memories that it dredged up. “Slowly.” She repeated.

He grabbed his sword, and then looked off in the distance at two people walking towards them. Lina turned to see what he was staring at and stood up so that she was beside him. Eventually two official looking men came into focus. Lina scowled.

“Miss Inverse? Mr. Gabriev?” one of them asked.

“Yes?” Lina replied.

“We’re with the Rolat Police Department. We just have a few questions about the incident with Det Ybund. Would you follow us?”

For some reason alarm bells were ringing in Lina’s ears. Still she said, “Sure.”

* * *

 

There was no way to disguise the fact that they were in an interrogation room. Barren with one door, a desk and some chairs. Poorly lit. The officers had attempted to separate them, but Lina and Gourry held firm that they were a team and would not be separated. They were left alone, and after five minutes Lina was ready to leave.

 _One good dam brass will get us out of here if need be._ she thought to herself as Gourry twiddled his thumbs. Eventually someone walked in, and Lina felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up as she looked at him. There was something alarmingly familiar about him.

“Miss Inverse? Captain Brody.” He said brusquely without extending his hand. Lina started trembling. That voice! He sounded just like him! But he was dead. She had killed him! “Now, Miss Inverse, I’m going to cut straight to the chase. You see, a few months ago my brother was brutally murdered at an inn in Anilorac.”

Lina felt the color drain from her face. She sat a little straighter. Beside her she could tell that Gourry had his hand on the hilt of his sword. Captain Brody continued, “He was found in room 251 with an ax buried in his stomach and his throat slit.”

Captain Brody paused as he regarded Lina, and she felt as though he was undressing her with his eyes. She squirmed as he continued, “Now, Miss Inverse, your signature was found on the hotel books, and records indicate that you were staying in room 251 that night. There is also a room full of witnesses alleging that you were flirting like whore with the three men who were found dead in your room the next morning.”

A small flame of anger ignited within her. How dare he! “Anyone could have forged my name.” Lina spat.

The corners of his mouth twitched into a sadistic grin. “But they didn’t, did they? Were you, or were you not in Anilorac two months ago?”

“No.” Lina said flatly.

“So, you’re a liar as well as a slut and murderess.”

“That’s enough!” Gourry said, his voice deadly as he stood up.

“Miss Inverse, I have more than enough evidence to put you under arrest. And that is exactly what I plan to do. Now you can cooperate and be well cared for in prison for the rest of your life. Or you can put up a fight and have your head chopped off.” He stopped to hold her gaze as his grin widened, “By an ax. The choice is yours.”

She felt bile rise in her throat. His wording was very deliberate and practiced, and eerily similar to what his brother had said that night. She had not been the first! The knowledge settled in her bones. Somewhere there were other women out there who had been violated at their hands, she was sure of it. Her hands curled up into fists as the spark of anger that he had light raged into an inferno. “You’re going to have to catch me first!” she hissed.


	6. But Know They'll Chase You If You Play Their Little Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Sugarcane" by Missy Higgins.

Captain Brody grinned sardonically at her challenge as he tapped his pen on his pad. “That shouldn’t be a problem.”

Gourry’s instincts screamed, and he found himself drawing his sword before he even knew why. A whooshing sound filled the room, accompanied by a white orb. His sword cut clean through it, diverting the spell from his and consequently Lina’s path. “What the…” Lina said, and then she looked at Captain Brody who was asleep at the table, “A sleep spell!”

“Lina!” Gourry cried as a group of men charged through the door.

“How did they dodge it?” one asked bewildered.

“Dam Brass!” Lina said as she turned towards the wall.

It shattered, and Lina turned around briefly and cast “Diem Wind!” The men who were attempting to pursue them were blown back and she and Gourry ran.

* * *

 

The woods were thick enough to block out the light. Lina leaned against a tree, her stomach spinning in somersaults. Gourry regarded her carefully. “What do you think happened back there?” he asked.

“I think that our good captain was so desperate to get me that he would allow a sleep spell to be cast on him because it would be an easy way to apprehend me without a fight. The coward.”

“And my sword cut through the spell.” He said, a slight tone of awe in his voice.

She nodded, “It saved my neck today.”

“What are we going to do?”

Lina took a deep breath, “He knew.”

“Knew?”

Lina looked at the ground, “The way he phrased his choice between death or life. How he emphasized death with an ax. I’m not the first one his brother did this to!”

It seemed dubious to Gourry. “But Lina, his brother was the one with the ax to the stomach, wasn’t he? Couldn’t he just have mentioned it just because it was the weapon found at the site?”

“I guess. But I’d bet anything that this wasn’t a first time thing, and that Captain Brody has been there while his brother did it.”

“But we’re miles away from where it happened.” Gourry pointed out. “How could he have?”

Lina stared ahead grimly, “We have to talk to Baron Rolat. I’d bet anything that Captain Brody got here recently.”

“You’re wanting to march back into the city when the whole of the police force is likely looking for us!” Gourry cried.

“Yes, Gourry, I am!” she said as she stood up and started to head out of the woods.

He grabbed her arm. She shook him off, “Don’t touch me like that!” she screamed.

“We’ve got to put as much distance between us and this town as possible!” he yelled.

“You can put as much distance as you’d like!” Lina shouted back, “I’m seeing the Baron whether you like it or not!”

“What does it matter if you were the only one or not?” he asked incredulously, “Is this really worth risking your life for?”

“Yes!” Lina screamed, “Because if there are others it means that it wasn’t something I did!”

“That makes no sense!” he countered.

“Just because you’re too stupid to understand doesn’t mean that’s not the way it is!”

He felt like he was going to go cross eyed at her statement. He sighed. “This means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

She nodded.

His eyes set in a determined manner, “Then I have your back.”

* * *

 

“Miss Inverse! Mr. Gabriev! Thank goodness you’re here!” Yandell exclaimed as he answered the door.

Lina and Gourry exchanged a glance. Was this about the bounty? “What happened?” Lina asked.

“They released Det Ybund.” Yandell said as he backed away from the door frame so that they could walk in.

“What?” Lina exclaimed as she and Gourry stepped into the hallway.

Yandell led them to the parlor, “Miss Rolat is in hysterics. She’s understandably frightened that he’ll come back for her. They said something about apprehending him only if you would speak to Officer Brody.”

“The bastard.” Lina snarled as they were shown to the parlor.

“I’ll get Master Rolat.”

“See that you do. Just one thing.”

“Yes?”

“How long has Captain Brody been here?”

“You’d have to check with Master Rolat to be sure, but he transferred here from a town called Anilorac several months ago.”

“Thanks.” Lina said quietly.

Once he left Gourry turned to her and asked, “What are we going to do?”

Lina put her hand to her temples and shook her head. “This is such a mess. And they’re going to want to know why the man who kidnapped and raped their daughter is walking free.” She was quiet for a moment before adding, “They have a right to know.”

A pit formed in her stomach and she wondered if she could leave some of the key details out, pass it off merely as a vicious attack on her life. She realized Gourry was talking and worked to focus on what he was saying, “Then there’s the matter of what to do. Pearl’s life is in danger with Det on the loose, but if we stay here to protect her…”

“I know.” She said quietly, overwhelmed by how out of the control the situation was becoming.

There was the clapping sound of someone running in heels on the marble floors, and suddenly Pearl was there, hugging her. “You heard! Why would they let him go? They said that there wasn’t enough evidence. How could there not be?”

It made Lina feel worse as she awkwardly returned the hug. Eric and Chloe joined their daughter, and Lina had a hard time looking at their faces. Dammit, why was she feeling so cowed! It wasn’t like her to take responsibility for the action’s of others. She sighed as she pulled Pearl away from her, “Sit down. It looks like you got caught up in our mess.”

Pearl looked at her questioningly, and then joined her parents on the couch opposite them. Lina stole a quick glance at Gourry for support, and then began, “A few months ago we were staying at an inn in Anilorac. I woke up one night and found three men in my room with every intention of killing me. So I fought back and killed them. It looks like one of them was Captain Brody’s brother. And now he wants to arrest me for killing his brother in self-defense.”

An awkward silence hung in the air, interrupted by Gourry saying, “We’re truly sorry about this. We didn’t mean to get you involved in our mess.”

“You couldn’t have known.” Chloe said understandably.

For some strange reason, Lina would have felt better if she had gotten mad. Lina bit her lip as Pearl stated, “They hurt you, didn’t they?”

Lina looked at her like a cornered fox. Her reply came out as an anguished choke as she looked down at her legs. Gourry put a hand on her shoulder as she finally nodded awkwardly. Pearl looked at her parents, “She can’t turn herself in.”

“No, she can’t.” Eric agreed solemnly.

Lina took a deep breath, “I just can’t believe he would stoop so low to get me. Especially with your rank and…”

Eric shook his head, “The Brodys are very respected in law enforcement. I’m ashamed to say now that I engaged in a rather fierce bidding war to get him to Rolat. He most likely figured he’d have his pick of jobs and wasn’t too concerned about burning a bridge here. Actually, excuse me for a moment while I take care of some things at the precinct.”

As soon as he left Pearl looked at Lina pleadingly, “Will you stay with us until Det Ybund has been captured?”

Lina smiled tiredly, “There’s a problem there. One of the other men I killed was the son of a duke, and there’s a huge bounty on my head. If word gets out that you’ve retained us as bodyguards, everyone will know where to find us.”

“Is there a guard, someone in the ranks that you trust?” Gourry asked. Both would feel better about bolting once they made sure that the Rolats were safe.

“Well, yes.” Chloe conceded, “But none of them got our daughter back. Or prevented her from being kidnapped in the first place. When your life is in danger you don’t want to settle for second best. I’d feel much better knowing that you two are on the job.”

Lina wondered if she should point out that she had all but admitted to being assaulted to them, and then decided not to spell it out. “But by being with us at the moment you are putting yourself in far more danger.”

“So you’re just going to run away and leave me to get kidnapped all over again?” Pearl snapped.

“No!” Lina insisted, “We need to come up with a better plan.”

Chloe patted Pearl’s knee. “You know, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen our cousins in Seyruun.”

Lina frowned, unsure what her angle was as she continued. “And if we make the trip there, we will need some bodyguards to keep us safe.”

“I don’t want to go to Seyruun.” Lina found herself saying before she could consider whether or not to voice it out loud.

Chloe looked at her evenly, “You’re in a lot of hot water, and you have powerful friends there. And right now, you need a powerful friend.

“Besides,” she said as she stood for dramatic effect, “I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to have our stuff packed right away.”

“This won’t be some holiday trip.” Lina said, “The last time we had a bounty on our head we couldn’t get near a town and had to use the back roads and sleep in tents. We were attacked every day. If this is your idea of a good solution…”

“I’ve made up my mind.” She repeated as Pearl stood up.

“I have too!” she declared, “Come, Mother, let’s have our stuff packed.”

Lina stared after them dumbfounded. She knew that they meant well, but she felt what little control she had over her life slip away and she resented it. “Fine.” She muttered to Gourry, “We’ll get them to the damn palace safely and then we’ll dump them with that oversized dwarf and his justice freak daughter and hightail it to the Outer World.”

“Lina!” he said admonishingly.

“Don’t, Gourry.”

“Chloe is right, we need powerful friends…”

“I don’t need jack!” Lina cried, “I’m not telling Amelia what happened!”

His blue eyes narrowed. “Just like you weren’t going to tell me what happened?”

“I don’t want people to know!” she insisted.

“What did you think would happen if I knew?”

Lina shook her head, “That you would think I wanted it or that you would leave and I would lose you.”

“And did that happen?”

She was quite for a moment before answering, “No.”

“What do you think Amelia will do?”

“She looks up to me!” Lina insisted. “I can’t tell her this! We’ll drop the Rolats off in Seyruun, see that they’re safe, and that’s final!”

“But Lina…”

“I said that’s final!”

* * *

 

Eric returned after having relieved Captain Brody of his duties and putting someone in charge to track down Det Ybund. To Lina’s surprise and dismay, he agreed to Chloe’s crazy plan. Time was of the essence, so as the Rolats hurriedly packed and changed into travel clothes, Lina and Gourry worked to disguise themselves as civilians.

Lina was seething. The last time she felt as though her life was this out of control was when she was caught in Phibrizzo’s web. She hated being manipulated and made to do things that she didn’t want to. From being forced to have sex to being dragged to Seyruun. Well, they could get her to Seyruun but damned if she was going to tell the world what had happened!

She sighed as she stared at her reflection. She looked like a normal young woman for a change. She doubted that anyone would suspect that she was now the infamous Lina Inverse. Her previous monikers of Dragon Spooker and Enemy of All Who Live were hardly flattering, but at least they emphasized her power. Now she was the insatiable slut and murderess. Her stomach curdled distastefully.

How did she fight this? Deep inside she realized that by running away she was letting them win, that she would be forever known as Lina Inverse the Slutty Murderess Sorceress. Her reputation would be forever ruined. But if she fought it and told her story she would be known as Lina Inverse, That Powerful Sorceress Who Got Raped. Neither were reputations that she had ever sought to cultivate.

But which one was worse?

Lina grabbed a brush and started to attack her hair vigorously. People always said all sorts of things about her. Some more believable than others. If she ignored the rumors then people could dismiss them and eventually forget about them. But if she told the truth people would know. Right now, running like hell seemed to be the better option.

* * *

 

They had tried sleeping in an inn the first night. It wasn’t long after stepping into the dining hall that they’d realized they’d made a mistake.

“I don’t know what Pearl did to provoke him to do that. He was such a nice man!” a middle aged woman said.

“I don’t know. I always got a funny feeling around him.” Another woman countered.

“She had to have done something.” Said a third. “Only an idiot would risk kidnapping and violating the daughter of a duke. There’s more to the story than we know!”

“Piffle!” said the second woman, “Det Ybund was creepy! He’d stare at girls as if he could see through their clothing. Pearl was pure, not like that Lina Inverse.”

The first woman snorted. “Now there’s a slut the likes of which this world has ever seen.”

The group tensed as it soon became apparent that similar conversations were being carried on at other tables. Pearl kept her eyes on the ground as Gourry watched Lina out of the corner of his eye. He was pleasantly surprised to find her hands balled in fists, as if she was restraining herself from going over and punching the lights out of the people talking such filth about her. That was more like Lina!

While he was relieved to see her fighting spirit reignited, he also knew that it was not a good time for a brawl. Especially as they were with the Rolats. He quickly suggested that they have dinner in their rooms, and fortunately everyone agreed.

They said little as they ate, and the air in the room became tense as the strains of a distasteful song that had been written about Lina could be discerned. Lina threw her fork on her plate and snarled, “You watch the Rolats, I’m hunting bandits.”

“You shouldn’t go out by yourself.” Gourry said.

“I’m a big girl, I can handle them!” she shot back.

He was torn. He wanted to go down and beat everyone in the dining hall up for singing such a crass song. And he understood her need to get out and kick some ass. Hell, he was feeling it himself! But they had to protect the Rolats. And he also had to keep her safe.

“There’s a bounty on your head! If you go out you’re a walking target!”

“I can handle any damn thing they throw at me!” she countered as she strode to the window.

He was there in a heartbeat. Keeping in mind that she didn’t like having her arms grabbed, he grabbed her shoulders instead. “Lina, please…”

Her elbow hit him in the gut, and in a second she was free from the confines of the inn. The night air felt cool and welcoming as she sped through it, the pangs of guilt she felt for leaving Gourry behind ebbing under the exhilaration of getting out and the knowledge that she would soon be proving her strength. It didn’t take long for her to find a bandit camp. She decided to forgo an elaborate strategy. What she really wanted to do was pound the daylights out of an evil doer.

Her fireball hit straight in the middle of the camp. Bandits screamed her name in fear. She grinned mirthlessly as she stopped her ray wing spell and entered the camp. “Diem wind!” she cast as she realized a slew of arrows had been lobbed her way from the north.

They fell harmlessly to the ground just as a slew of arrows from the south hit her. She cried out as a sharp pain seared through her torso. “Hold it!” a man shouted, “I want her alive.”

Lina saw red as she recognized Captain Brody’s voice. This wasn’t a bandit camp, it was an ambush! She was aware of the fact that a group of men were descending upon her. She moved to run only to find that she couldn’t. A quick glance found that she had been snared in a shadow snap. “Lighting!”

She ran a quick distance only to find someone blocking her path. She drew her sword as she dodged, ignoring the pain that charged through her every time she moved. For some reason she was feeling sleepy. She could try to out run them or she could cast a ray wing. Unfortunately that would leave her vulnerable. While ray wing would protect her from arrows, there was obviously a sorcerer with the group. And she would be vulnerable to his spells. Still, it wasn’t as it she had much of a choice.

“Ray wing!” she cast, and soon enough a spell she could not identify sped towards her and she dodged it, swiftly making her way to the woods.

Once she was secure that she had lost them she sat herself down to assess the damage. She wanted to lay down and sleep but she knew that would be a bad idea. She took off her mantle and rummaged through it until she found what she was looking for. A potion. She suspected the arrows were poisoned, and she always carried an antidote that would cure the more common ones. She drank it one gulp and before turning to her body.

She tried not to faint. One arrow had pierced through her rib cage, another had gone clean through her arm. The third was protruding from her hip. She took a deep breath. This was going to hurt! She pulled the one from her hip out and nearly passed out from the pain. “Recovery.” She said weakly once she was able to.

She had not finished healing herself when she heard the first signs of pursuers. She swore as she stopped her spell and pulled another arrow out and worked to heal that area. It was better to have three partially healed wounds than two completely unhealed ones. She was almost to the point where she was ready to pull out the third one from her arm when the hair on the back of her neck raised and she ran from the tree she was leaning by, and just in the nick of time!

The tree exploded in flames. Some idiot had sent a volley of flare arrows her way. Before she could think about it too much someone grabbed her arm. “Gotcha!”

“Lighting!” she cried, blinding him with a shining bright light. He let go of her arm, and Lina felt the blood pounding in her ears as she ran.

She was tired. She was sore. And she had no doubt at all what would happen to her if she stopped. Her foot snagged on something, and she fell forward, causing the arrow lodged in her arm to pull through her flesh painfully. She cried out as people started gathering around her. Survival depended on getting back on her feet. It was agonizing, but up she went, drawing her sword just in time to parry a coming blow.

“Flare arrow!”

“Freeze arrow!” she cried, turning to counteract his spell as another man came at her with a sword.

She wasn’t going to be able to keep this up for much longer. Between being wounded and the sheer number of men she was fighting it was merely a matter of time before she was overpowered. The smell of smoke didn’t help, especially as it made breathing more difficult and clouded her vision.

Smoke, fire! The forest was ablaze with the flames that the careless sorcerer had created to capture her! Around her, her pursuers were coughing, some complaining of stinging eyes. She coughed, wondering if she could use it to her advantage somehow. Fortunately it soon proved easy. She couldn’t see a foot in front of her due to the smoke. She hoped they couldn’t as well. “Ray wing!”

Up into the air she floated, and fortunately the hunters were too busy getting themselves out to pay much mind to her. She had barely enough energy to get herself back to town and by the time she had found a healer she had about passed out. She dressed in fresh clothes. She wouldn’t want Gourry to notice the holes and the blood.

The sun was rising over the sky by the time she made it back to the inn. “Where have you been?” Gourry asked as soon as she made it through the window.

She did her best to look cute as she said, “Well, it took a long time to find a camp and…”

“Cut it out, Lina!” he said.

“Are the Rolats safe?” she asked, hoping to change the subject.

His eyes narrowed, “I just checked on them. It’s been a quiet night.” He sat on the bed and folded his arms across his chest, “Now, I answered your question. You answer mine.”

He was going to be mad. He was going to say he told her so. He might even yell. And Lina didn’t feel like dealing with it. All she wanted to do was sleep for a week, but she knew that would not be possible. They had to get as far from there as they could. “I was ambushed. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.” She said, “Now we’d better wake the Rolats and get out of here.”

“Are we in danger of being pursued?” he asked suspiciously.

He had her there. If there was a threat he needed to know about it. “Yes.” She said as she sat down beside him, “I’m starting to think this is all a very bad idea. Especially considering that we have to babysit the Rolats.”

He gently grabbed her chin and turned her so that he could look her in the eyes, “That’s why you can’t just run off in the night on your own right now!”

Guilt flooded her, “Sorry.”

“Do you understand? I’ve been worried sick about you all night! You left me torn between my duty to you and my duty to the Rolats. Do you realize what it was like for me…”

“I already said I was sorry!”

“Don’t just say that to get out of this! You knew what a risk you were taking and you still went out there by yourself!”

“I know!” Lina said, her voice catching a little. His eyes softened as he saw the regret and the lingering remains of fear in her face. “I won’t do it again. Now can we get going already?”

He held her gaze. “Promise?”

“Promise!”

He searched her eyes for a moment and then seemed satisfied with what he saw there. He stroked her hair gently for a second before pulling her close to him, “I was so worried.” He said.

She clung to him as she tried to not think about how close she had truly come to not making it back to the inn. Doubts about the wisdom of continuing to run rather than appealing to Amelia for help formed and were trampled down. She had survived! “I’m okay.”

“Just make sure you take care of yourself.” He said, “I love you more than anything in this world.”

Her eyes widened. Had he finally said it? Before she could think to respond he was kissing her. She returned it enthusiastically, working to put all that she was feeling into it before he pulled away. “We’d better get out of here before they come after you.” He said.

* * *

 

Despite donning civilian clothing as a precautionary measure, they found themselves under suspicion and attack on a daily basis. What they did not expect was the venom that was being slung around Lina was so hysterical that any diminutive redhead found herself under suspicion.

The men surrounding them made no pretense of being on some noble errand to take down some evil doer. They were a hodge podge of locals, and as they leered at her lecherously Lina was convinced that they didn’t care if she really was or was not Lina Inverse so long as they could vent their anger out on her.

“If you really aren’t Lina Inverse, then why don’t you let us search you?” one of them said lustfully.

Lina closed her eyes, disgusted. She’d had enough. “Dil Brand!”

With a sigh she stepped over the litter of men wounded by her spell, the rest of the party following behind her. They would live, but they wouldn’t be up to following them. Lina tried not to think of the innocent short, redheads out there who were defenseless and left to the mercy of scum such as these.

“That’s the sixth group.” Chloe said, stunned. “And that’s just today!”

Lina nodded grimly as Eric said, “And I thought no one took these roads.”

“It’s nothing we can’t handle.” Lina said, doing her best to keep her tone chipper.

Her tone might have put the Rolats at ease, but Gourry knew that this had been one of the most difficult trips they had ever undertaken. For one thing they were used to traveling with people who could pull their weight. While the Rolats did their best, none of them were fighters. And while Chloe seemed to relish life on the road, Eric and Pearl were of a more fragile disposition.

Camping out was torturous for them. They understood why it was necessary, but it did not make it easier. And while Lina and Gourry were used to roughing it out, they usually made sure that they stayed indoors when it rained. Now they couldn’t. And staying to the back roads meant that the trip took twice as long.

The worst part was being constantly under attack. They were never able to let their guard down. And while most of their attackers were untrained civilians, they occasionally faced someone who knew what they were doing. And Captain Brody was still hot on their trail.

There were some benefits. Namely the bond that Lina and Pearl forged. As Pearl worked to process the trauma she had gone through, Lina found herself pulled into the process. And she found it helped her to help Pearl. As Pearl worried over who would marry someone who was sullied, and Lina rushed to reassure her that she was pure. As Pearl agonized over whether or not it was her fault Lina insisted that it wasn’t. As Pearl struggled with flashbacks and painful memories, Lina shared what had worked for her, and subsequently got better at dealing with her own.

Simply put it was hard to blame herself or feel impure when she kept arguing that Pearl was pure and blameless. And as life threatening as the trip was, there was that redeeming healing element to it.

After packing up for lunch one day Gourry felt the hair on his neck stir. He grabbed his sword and cut through a spell that had been lobbed at the group. “Get to cover!” he yelled to the Rolats as Lina cast, “Blast Ash!”

The sorcerer had not expected Gourry to have a sword that could cut through magic spells, and stunned as he was he didn’t have time to dodge Lina’s. “Finally got him!” she hissed as he vanished into a pile of smoke.

They were silent as they kept an ear open for sounds of further attack. “They’re retreating.” Gourry said.

“Captain Brody doesn’t want to risk it now that he lost his ace.” Lina said scathingly.

“He was with Captain Brody?” He asked.

Lina nodded, “He was the one who cast the sleep spell.”

He shook his head, “We’d better get out of here.”

Lina nodded in agreement as they quietly finished packing up their picnic lunch and set back on the road. Gourry walked so he was beside her and said quietly, “About how much longer until we reach Seyruun?”

“If things go well, sometime tomorrow afternoon may be.”

“Then what?” he asked.

“We’ve been holding up this long.” She said wearily. This was not a conversation that she wanted to have. Especially as with each passing day her resolve to keep running was waning.

She had thought it was bad when Copy Rezo put the bounty on her head. This was worse. Then no one was calling her a slut or whore or other filthy names. And there had been an end point in sight when they confronted Copy Rezo. If she continued to run, who knew how long it would be until people gave up on finding her?

“But is this really how you want to live for the rest of your life?” he asked.

“No.” she said quietly. But she was not ready to give up running yet. “But I’ll do what I have to.”

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“I don’t want to ask for Amelia’s help!” she spat.

“She’s probably already heard the rumors. Would you much rather her think that or the truth?” he pointed out.

“Why…”

“Lina, this is getting out of control! And in case you haven’t noticed the people who are coming after us are becoming of a higher caliber by the day!”

“I know.” She said meekly. “I’ll think about it.”

He wrapped and arm around her as she lost herself in thought. How long can one’s luck hold out? How long can one run from their problems? And since when we she ever one to run from them? But this time it wouldn’t involve finding the right spell. This was a different battlefield. And she felt way over her league. She suddenly wished that Gaav was her biggest problem.

They encountered two more groups before they set camp for the night. One group actually caused Lina and Gourry to break a sweat over. Even though the night was chilly they decided to forgo a campfire. They didn’t want to make it easier for their enemies to find them.

Pearl sat next to Lina, clutching a shawl she had wrapped around herself. “I heard that we’ll reach Seyruun tomorrow.”

“We should.” Lina confirmed.

“And what are you planning to do?” Pearl asked.

“Haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“You’ve helped me a lot. More than I can ever repay.” Pearl said.

“Thanks.” Lina replied, not sure where she was going with this.

“So now I wonder, if I was in your shoes with a bounty on my head, attacked day and night, and slandered near and far, what would you tell me to do?”

Lina inhaled. “I’d tell you to get your ass to Seyruun and start setting the record straight.”

Pearl patted her on the knee. “Good night, Miss Lina.”

Lina took a deep breath. She looked across the campsite at Gourry, and made her way over to sit beside him. He looked at her questioningly as she worked up the courage to say it. “We’re staying in Seyruun.” She said quietly.

He relaxed a little. “Good.”

“I’m not going to let them sully my name any further without a fight. I’ll tell my story and make people believe me. I’ll get that bounty lifted and I will travel again. And I’ll take down anyone who dares to call me a slut again.”

Gourry smiled as he took her hand. It was good to see the fighter fully awoken within her.


	7. Every Finger in the Room is Pointed at Me. I Want to Spit in Their Faces, But I'm Afraid What That Could Bring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably a good time to mention that I see the events as happening shortly after TRY and in a different continuity than Revo/Evo. Warnings for triggering situations below. Chapter title is from "Crucify" by Tori Amos

The relief of finally reaching Seyruun safely battled with the dread that came with the knowledge that she was going to have to tell Amelia everything. There was no avoiding it. She had thought it was bad when Eris had put the bounties on their heads, but it was nothing compared to this. The horrible truth was that she was going to have to tell her story if she ever wanted to travel in peace again.

“Phil!” Chloe yelled as she ran into his study and hugged him.

Phil looked at her in surprise, “Chloe? I didn’t know you were coming.”

Eric and Pearl stood next to Lina and Gourry by the door. “Something terrible has happened.” She said. “We had Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry escort us here for safety.”

“You couldn’t have gotten better escorts.” He said as he glanced at them, noting their unusually subdued demeanor.

“I guess.” Lina said uncharacteristically, “Is Amelia around?”

“She’s in her study with Mr. Zelgadis.”

Lina’s eyes widened, “Zel’s here?”

“Yes.” He said, surprised. She didn’t seem happy to hear it.

“But he’s supposed to be in the Outer World!”

“He came back to take a position as Amelia’s bodyguard.” He explained.

Gourry looked at her as she swore. “Is there a problem?” Phil asked.

“Just another to top off the mountain I’m in.” she said bitterly. “Come on Gourry.”

They exited Phil’s study and headed for Amelia’s. “This is just great. It’s bad enough telling Amelia.” Lina moaned.

Gourry wasn’t sure what to say. Nothing would make it better. He settled for grabbing her hand and squeezing it. They walked in strained silence to Amelia’s study. Sure enough, Zel and Amelia were seated on the sofa talking amicably when they walked in. “Miss Lina!” Amelia exclaimed when she saw her.

She ran to throw her arms around her. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

Amelia pulled away and noticed her friend’s lined and worried face. She thought of the odd rumors circulating about her and the very real bounty on her head. “Last minute change of heart.” Lina said bitterly as she sat next to Gourry on the couch.

“Oh?” Amelia asked as Lina took off her mantle and started rummaging through it.

Lina said nothing as she finally found what she was looking for and pulled out a stack of documents. “Hey Zel, I found this research in the basement of some creepy sorcerer who was studying how to separate chimeras. Why don’t you putter off to the library and read it?”

Amelia exchanged a befuddled glance with Zelgadis. Was Lina, the one who was always so pushy about getting him to join the group, giving him the boot? Zelgadis’ eyes narrowed, and Amelia felt herself tense. While he would never admit it, Amelia believed he valued their friendship greatly. It must have hurt him to be so callously dismissed. “Is this related to the matter at Anilorac?” he asked.

Lina went white as a sheet as she hissed, “Get the hell out.”

Zelgadis stared at her for a moment before picking up the stack of papers and muttering, “Fine then.”

In a few strides he was at the door. “Zel.” Lina said. He turned to look at her. “The rumors. Do you believe them?”

“Not for a minute.” He responded.

She smiled wryly, “I’ll catch you later.”

“Later.” He repeated, and then he shut the door behind them.

Amelia regarded Lina and Gourry carefully. Lina looked unusually dispirited. Gourry looked strangely downcast, his eyes lowered as though he were shamed at failing in something important to him. “Miss Lina.” She said quietly, “What happened in Anilorac?”

“Gourry and I were traveling through like we usually do. Minding our own business like we usually do.” Lina started, “We stayed at an inn. And I woke up in the dead of night. There were three men. They had gagged me. They held me down and I tried to fight them off but they pulled out an ax and stuff happened.”

Her voice trailed off for a minute as she kept her eyes on the floor. She did not notice as Amelia brought her hand to her mouth in shock. She took a deep, heavy breath before finishing, “I killed them to make them stop.”

“They raped you!” Amelia exclaimed, the shock and disbelief evident in her voice.

Amelia’s words hit her like a blow as Gourry wrapped an arm protectively around her and glared at Amelia for her lack of tact. “Hard to believe, isn’t it?” Lina commented dryly.

“Well, I guess without the use of your magic powers you are pretty small…”

Lina buried her face in her hands and tore at her hair, “Why did I come here again?”

Amelia stood up and clapped her hand into a fist, “To see that Justice is served!”

“Justice was served!” Lina yelled, “I killed them! I already administered my justice! Only some duke in Semaj got his feelings hurt because one of the men was his son. And another was a police officer, so I’ve got them on my tail as well. I’m in trouble, Amelia. That’s why I’m here!”

“And you want me to use my diplomatic skills to get you out.” Amelia said as she sat back down.

“In a nutshell.”

“The Duke of Semaj.” Amelia said contemplatively as she worked to focus on the problem to avoid the feelings of disgust that bubbled within her as she thought about the horrible fate that had befallen her friend.

“Do you know him?”

“No. But I’m good friends with Queen Myra, his liege. I’m sure that I can work something out with her. In the meantime I can see that you can seek asylum here while you remain within the palace.”

Lina nodded. While she did not relish the idea of staying cooped up within the castle it was better than the alternative. Amelia continued, “We can even give you positions as guards, give you something to do.”

Lina exchanged a brief look with Gourry, “We’d like that. You don’t even have to worry about payment this time.”

“It must really be bad if you’re forgoing payment.” Amelia said. Lina looked at her with a haunted look in her eyes. Amelia felt terrible. These things weren’t supposed to happen to Champions of Justice! It didn’t seem possible! Besides, where was Gourry when it was happening? She glanced at him again, and it was apparent that wherever he was he was guilt stricken over the fact that he was not there to stop it.

“The last time we were here you said that the chambers in the western wing were ours whenever we needed them.” Lina said tiredly.

“They are.”

Lina stood up and was joined by Gourry, “We’ve not slept well during this trip. If you don’t mind we’re going to go and crash.”

“Of course.” Amelia said, torn between relief that they were leaving and feeling guilty that she was even thinking that. “Stop by later if you want to talk.”

* * *

 

“I’m sure I said all of the wrong things!” Amelia lamented as she stared at the window.

“It’s hard to know what to say. I felt that way with Chloe.” Phil said, his tone unusually downbeat.

“I just can’t believe it. First Miss Lina and then Pearl. And then that Captain, letting Det Ybund get away so he could arrest Miss Lina! Oh, the injustice of it!”

“I can fix that.” Zel said. He’d not said a word as he listened to Amelia and Phil relate the news that had befallen their friends. “I can lead a party to hunt him down, bring him to justice.”

“You just want an excuse to go after his research!” Amelia snapped, and then wondered what had caused her to lose her cool.

“No!” Zel protested, “I know what it’s like to have your body violated after all!”

“I’m sorry.” Amelia said quietly, “I never thought of it that way.”

“I’m afraid I will have to leave tonight. The more time that passes the more his trail goes cold.”

Amelia nodded. “I understand. It’s just, make sure you return to me.”

Zel got up and put a hand on her shoulder, “I shall.”

He kissed her on the cheek and then walked out. Amelia went back to staring out the window, “I sent a letter to Queen Myra, got that ball rolling. I’m hoping we can sweep this under the rug quickly. But somehow I doubt things will be that tidy.”

Phil watched her quietly. He knew where Amelia was, and she was safe in Seyruun. That had not always been the case. He thought of Gracia. It had been awhile since she’d last written. Was she okay? As a parent the last thing he wanted was any harm to come to his daughters. And while he would not have wished it upon Lina or Pearl, he was thanking his lucky stars that it was not Amelia or Gracia who was violated.

He put a hand on his younger daughter’s shoulders, “Somehow or another justice will prevail.”

* * *

 

Sunlight streamed through the curtains, and Lina stretched and then blushed as she felt a hardness pressing onto her back. Gourry squeezed her gently as he kissed her cheek. “Morning.”

“Morning.” She replied. It had been two days since they arrived in Seyruun. And if anyone had noticed that she and Gourry were now sharing a room no one said anything. Even though Lina knew that she was safe, it felt better to have him close by.

Staying in Seyruun had been a balm to her frayed nerves. People were not spreading rumors about her or singing songs about her depravity. They’d not been attacked once and Lina slowly felt her guard relax. Phil had even given her a bit more responsibility, saying that he felt that there needed to be some restructuring among the ranks and set Lina to it. She relished having a job to focus her energies on. She liked that even though she had been violated she was still respected enough to be given such an important job. And she threw herself into the work.

She turned in Gourry’s embrace so that they were facing each other as she battled with feelings of arousal and guilt. He was still hard and pressed against her stomach now. And despite the lingering worries she’d had that she was so corrupted that no man would ever want her, he obviously found her attractive and desirable. The proof was poking her abdomen! And part of her wanted to help him with it, to know what it was like to be with someone she had chosen and that she had loved.

The other part still felt guilty for having any sort of sexual feelings whatsoever.

She leaned forward to kiss him. She was not going to let those three bastards take that aspect of her away from her. She was with Gourry, who she trusted and loved. And somehow she was going to have to get comfortable with being sexual.

He parted his lips to receive her as she wrapped her arms around him, enjoying the feel of his firm muscles and the way their tongues glided and pressed into each other’s mouths. She lifted her leg up so it rested on his hip, allowing him to rub against a more intimate area through their night clothes. He broke the kiss to moan delectably.

Lina felt a thrill of passion shoot through her as she pulled him back to her to devour him with her mouth. His hands moved so that they brushed against her breasts, surprising her by how good it felt. As if he could read her mind his hands moved back to fondle her them. Her desire swelled to new heights as she wondered if she should undo her shirt while he wondered if he had moved too far.

She had said she wanted to take it slowly! And they were moving so fast! But her breasts felt so nice, soft and inviting. It was taking all of his willpower to keep from ripping off her shirt to expose them. The need to protect her was competing with his need to feel and possess her. He had to get his hands off her breasts and fast before he took it too far! Desperate for a safe place to grab his hands moved to her biceps.

He instantly regretted it. She stiffened like a board as she strangled a cry. In a flash she was no longer safe with Gourry. Instead she was held down and surrounded by three men. She pushed him away from her as she sat up and swung her legs over the bed, breathing heavily as she trembled.

The memory faded as the room she was in asserted itself. “I’m sorry, Lina, I forgot…”

“You forgot!” she yelled, “Of course you forgot! Were you dropped on the head as a child or do you just not care enough to remember anything?”

Tears welled in his eyes as the sense of failure he’d been struggling with for the past three month became unbearable. He’d been working so hard to make up for not being there the time she needed it that he’d paid scarce attention to his feelings of inadequacy. Protecting her was his life. What did it mean that he had failed so badly?

And now he had made her remember. Could he do anything right? He stole a glance at her as she breathed deeply as she struggled to regain control of herself. His heart sped up as he wondered if he was not worthy of being her protector. It was not the first time he thought it, but at the moment his certainty in it was overpowering.

“You deserve better than me.” He said quietly, his voice gruff with tears, “Someone who could have stopped them. I’ve failed you so horribly, and now I made you remember. I…” he closed his eyes as the tears flooded out of them. “If you want to find someone worthy of you I…”

“Shut up.” She hissed as her fists gripped the sheets. “Or do you want to leave? What’s the point of being with a woman who recoils when you try to make love to her anyway?”

He felt as though he had been kicked in the gut, “That’s not it at all! You deserve better!”

“Don’t you think that’s my decision then?” she snarled as she turned to face him. “I already told you, you are worthy.”

“If I were you never would have been raped!”

“Do you think that if I had been stronger I wouldn’t have been raped?”

“No!”

“Then how would you being more worthy have helped?” She insisted, “Dammit, Gourry, I’m alive! I can get through this because I’m alive. And I’m alive because of you. If you’d not been there to deflect that sleep spell, I’d probably be locked in a dungeon somewhere. If you’d not been there that night we found out about the bounty, if you hadn’t have stayed with me all night and not left my side, I would have done something stupid. If you’d not been there when I got rid of that thing growing inside of me I would have bled to death!”

His stared at her, mouth agape as she continued, “Do I need to go back even further? All of the times in battle you were there, keeping my back? Because it’s too many to count! Yes, I was in danger for my life that night. It was one time you weren’t there, one time out of hundreds, thousands!

“Now tell me, what is better than that track record?”

He stared at her, looking as if his brain was going to overheat, so she finished for him. “Perfection. And it doesn’t exist. So stop beating yourself up for it or I will have to beat it out of you!”

Tears glistened on his face as she took a deep breath. “Unless getting me through this has just been too hard, and you’re looking for a way out.”

“Never.” He said as he grabbed her hand.

She squeezed his hand. “I’m alive, and we’re going to get through this.”

He thought back to that horrible night when he’d found out about the bounty, to the complete despair she had felt then and now. Despite the setbacks the fighting spirit was still strong within her. “Unless you send me away I’m never going to leave you. I love you. Don’t forget that.”

She blinked rapidly. “I love you, too.”

He smiled as he caressed her cheek. “And I’ll be by your side as we get through this.”

* * *

  
Something about Amelia’s demeanor put Lina ill at ease. The princess’ smile was a little too forced, her shoulders a bit too set. Lina felt her stomach turn as she deduced that she must have heard something from Queen Myra. “Just cut to the chase and tell me what’s happening.” Lina said as she sat on the sofa.

The seat shifted under Gourry’s weight as he joined her. Amelia took a deep breath, “It’s not all that bad. And there’s some good news. Zel has apprehended Det Ybund.”

“Great, I’m sure there’ll be a party later. Now, what’s the bad news?” Lina said caustically.

Amelia wondered if there was any way to dress it up and then decided that it would be best to be straight forward. “I just heard back from Queen Myra. There’s going to be an inquiry.”

Lina groaned. Gourry looked confused, “What does that mean?” he asked.

“It means they are going to ask me a lot of questions!” Lina shouted.

“Why?”

“Myra says she sympathetic.” Amelia said, “However, she has to get a consensus among the inquiry that Miss Lina’s actions that night were justified so she can negate the bounty that Duke Semaj has put on Miss Lina and take action should he try to pursue her.” Amelia explained.

“Which means?” he asked.

“It means that a majority of the people on the inquiry have to agree that Miss Lina was raped and she was justified in killing those three men.” Amelia spelled it out.

“But she says she was.”

“But who is going to believe that the Dragon Spooker could let herself get raped?” Lina asked bitterly, “I wouldn’t have.”

Gourry put a hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off. He had another question but was almost scared to ask. Almost. “What happens if they don’t believe her?”

“I don’t think that will happen. First because Justice always prevails.” Amelia said, “Second, Queen Myra will really be pulling for you, Miss Lina.”

“I don’t want cherry trees and feel good talk about justice!” Lina snapped, “The numbskull asked a good question for once.”

Amelia sighed, “You would have to turn yourself in to the authorities.”

“No way in hell!” Gourry spat.

“We might as well just start running.” Lina agreed.

“It’s not like you to give up before a fight has even begun.” Amelia pointed out.

“This isn’t a fight I want!” Lina yelled. “I don’t even know why I’m here! They’re going to want to know everything, I’m going to have to remember it, and it will be plastered onto every bulletin board from here to the Outer World!”

“Then why did you come here in the first place?” Amelia asked.

“Because I owed it to the Rolats!” Lina cried.

“Then why didn’t you leave as soon as you got here?”

Lina looked down, “Because I couldn’t get two miles without being attacked.”

“Those men were extremely well connected, Miss Lina.” Amelia said. “A police officer with his entire family in law enforcement. The son of a Duke. Even the innkeeper’s son. His father is the head of the Innkeeper’s Guild. You will not be able to step into an inn safely. Right now this is the only safe sanctuary you have, but if you don’t do this I cannot guarantee it will remain so, nor will I be able to do it should you step outside of our kingdom.”

Silence hung in the air for a few tense moments before Lina asked, “Will this make it go away?”

Amelia nodded, “You have my personal guarantee.”

Lina stared straight ahead, her mouth open slightly. Gourry frowned, “How can you guarantee all that?”

“Huh?” Amelia asked.

“If this Duke is that powerful, and if all of those family members are so well connected, how can you really guarantee her safety? Do you really think if the inquiry finds her actions justified that they will accept it and let her go free?”

“And the man with bait for brains has another point.” Lina chimed in.

“Because if Duke Semaj pursues Miss Lina, Myra can have him stripped of his rank and wealth. She can have the Brody family removed from law enforcement. Captain Brody has already been suspended for allowing Det Ybund to walk free. She will have the authority to enforce measures to ensure Miss Lina’s safety.”

Lina felt ill as she felt Gourry’s eyes upon her. “Whatever you decide, I’ll be there.” He said quietly.

Lina took a deep breath. Running was tempting. She could leave this mess behind. She wouldn’t have to face the judgment and the awkward, embarrassing questions. But she would never be free. She would always have to sleep with one eye open. And she loved her freedom.

And no matter how hard the fight she had never, ever in her life backed down from one.

Her hand dug into Gourry’s knee as she took a deep breath, “Let’s try this inquiry thing.”

Amelia relaxed. “I’ll send for some tea. Councilor Rainclaff will be up here shortly. He’s going to go through what happened that night with you in detail, and then he’s going to work with you to help you answer the tough questions that they will ask.”

Lina nodded as she strove to keep it together. “How long until the inquiry?”

“Three months.” Amelia said.

“Three months!” Lina exclaimed, “I’m going to have to wait that long?”

“I’m afraid so.” She said as a knock on the door sounded, “Come in.”

A maid came in carrying a tray laden with tea and biscuits. She set it down on the coffee table just as an older man came in. “Miss Inverse, I presume?” he said as he addressed Lina.

She nodded her head, wondering what the young woman by his side with quill and paper was doing there. “I’m Councilor Rainclaff. This is Karen. She’s going to be taking notes while I go over some things with you.”

Lina nodded as Karen took a seat and readied her quill. Amelia took a seat close to Lina while Rainclaff sat across from her. He looked at Gourry, “You are Gourry Gabriev?”

“I am.”

“A pleasure.” He said briskly, “Now Miss Inverse. Let me start by saying that my job is not to get you to like me. My job is to get you off the hook.”

The hair on the back of Lina’s neck stood up. Just what was he planning to ask?

“My job is to look at this from every possible angle it can be viewed to find the perfect argument to refute whatever is thrown your way. At times you are going to hate me.”

“Just skip the formalities and let’s get down to business.” Lina interrupted.

“Very well. For the record, can you state your name?”

“Lina Inverse.”

“And what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a traveling sorceress.”

“What is your specialty?”

“Black magic.”

“How old are you?”

“I’ll be nineteen next week.”

“And who do you travel with?”

“Gourry Gabriev. He’s a traveling swordsman.”

“How long have you two traveled together?”

Lina frowned, wondering what this had to do with anything. “It’s getting close to four years now.”

“And what is the nature of your relationship?”

Lina and Gourry exchanged a glance. “What does that have to do with anything?” she asked.

“People on the inquiry are going to want to know.”

Lina hesitated before saying. “He’s my protector.”

“Are you intimate?”

Lina blushed, “I don’t see how this is anyone’s business!”

“A man and a woman traveling together for four years…”

“He officially started courting me about a month back.” She finally snapped.

“Have you engaged in sexual relations with him?”

Lina flushed crimson as she screamed, “No!”

“But there are reports that the two of you share a room.”

“He sleeps over the covers, I sleep under them. Safety in numbers.” Lina said dryly.

“You’re going to want to stop that. Right now you’re being painted as a sex crazed nymphomaniac and you do not want to add to that perception.”

The corners of her mouth twitched, and she was about to lay on a retort when he asked. “Have you ever willingly engaged in sexual relations with another person?”

“No.”

“Now, that night that Chris Brody, Regis Semaj and Pollan Skiro were murdered. Were you at the Ant’s Head Inn?”

“Yes.”

“There are reports that you were drinking.”

Lina looked at the carpet to avoid Amelia’s gaze, “We had a bottle of wine or two. Gourry and me.”

“Were you inebriated?”

“A little.”

“And there are reports that you were flirting.”

“With Gourry. And only Gourry.”

“Mr. Gabriev, can you confirm this?”

Gourry looked sheepish. For the first time in his life he felt horrible for not remembering something. “A lot of times when I get drunk I can’t remember what happened.”

“So you can’t vouch for Miss Inverse’s behavior that night.”

Gourry sent him a look that would have most people trembling in their boots. “I know Lina. She’s not the type to flirt with random people.”

“Exactly.” Amelia chimed in.

“But she was intoxicated that night.”

“I’ve seen Miss Lina drunk, and she still doesn’t flirt! She’s always safeguarded her virtue.” Amelia countered.

“But you were not there that night.” Rainclaff stated.

“Well, no.” Amelia said.

“I was.” Lina said forcefully, “And the only one I flirted with was Gourry.”

“And you two did not go to bed together?”

“No.” Lina said, “We weren’t ready for that. We were just blowing off steam.”

“Who did you go to bed with?”

Lina bristled. “No one. I went to my room alone and went to bed alone.”

“Did you lock the door?”

“I always lock the door.” She shot back.

“But did you lock it that night?”

“Yes.” Lina said, with more confidence than she felt.

“Then how did they get in?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Lina asked, “You said one was the son of the innkeeper. He could easily have gotten hold of the room key.”

Rainclaff nodded, “Indeed. Now Miss Inverse, what happened after you fell asleep that night?”

She took a deep breath as Gourry gently squeezed her knee. “I woke up when someone slapped me.”

“What did you find when you woke up?”

“That I was gagged. That I couldn’t see. That someone was holding me down by my arms.”

“Why couldn’t you see?”

“They had pulled my nightgown over my head.”

“Did you put up a fight?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

She swallowed hard, “They told me I could cooperate and they would make it nice, but that if I put up a fight they would make it hurt.”

“And what did you do?”

“I fought. I think I managed to kick one.”

“Why did you fight?”

What kind of a question was that? “Because I didn’t want to do it!”

“What happened next?”

“They put an ax to my throat, they drew blood. They said they would kill me if I didn’t spread them.” Her voice trailed off as she felt the cold steel of the ax on her throat once again. Gooseflesh formed on her skin as the sensation of being trapped rose within her.

“And then what did you do?”

She blinked rapidly as she struggled to hold back her tears as the humiliating memory of being forced to surrender bubbled to the surface. “I stopped fighting. I let them do it.”

“Do what?”

“Do I have to spell it out?” she yelled.

“Yes.” He said.

“They raped me!”

“How?”

“What do you mean ‘how?’” she snapped, “I told you! They gagged me, held me down, and put an ax to my throat!”

“I mean did they rape you vaginally?”

Lina flushed crimson and the room seemed to teeter on edge. “You have a hell of a nerve asking me that.” She hissed menacingly.

“Right now the Duke of Semaj has painted a portrait of you as a ruthless murderess. And your reputation as the Bandit Killer does not win you any favors here. Neither does your reputation for taking down dragons and high ranking mazuko. If you want people to think you were justified in using lethal force to stop them, then you will have to explain why.”

“I already said that they raped me!” Lina persisted.

”I know it’s difficult, Miss Lina, but this is for justice to prevail.” Amelia insisted.

She lowered her head. For some strange reason she had a hard time shaking the feeling that the ax was still on her throat. It was as Amelia had said, if she stepped out of Seyruun there was a pack of wolves ready and willing to tear her apart.

“Miss Inverse?” he asked.

The burning pain of the cut on her neck. The blackness that clouded her vision. The pressure on her arms, knowing that they were serious about killing her. The sinking feeling in her stomach as she realized her choices were to let them do it or die. The humiliation that filled her as she submitted, slaying her legs awkwardly as she felt an unwanted pressure applied between them, followed by someone ripping into her. The grief the flowed as they took her virginity.

In a flash the painful memories surged through her, threatening to drown her. The helplessness she felt revitalized itself. What choice did she have but to answer? “Yes.” She replied hoarsely.

“Where else?”

She said nothing as the memories of that night became more vivid.

“Did they rape you anally?”

Lina buried her face into her hands, feeling mortified. What would her parents think? What would Gourry think? She wanted to get up and walk away, but she could feel the ax to her throat, holding her in place. She could hear the second one say he wanted to venture into virgin territory. She’d had no idea what that meant, no idea that people did that. Until he struggled to force himself in there, tearing her apart painfully. She cried and he laughed as he told her she should have cooperated from the beginning.

It was gross. It was one of the most painful and dominating things they had done that night. She had tried to kill the memory and bury it deeply. The last thing she wanted to do was tell the world that she’d been forced to take it in the ass.

“Miss Inverse?” Rainclaff prompted.

“She doesn’t want to answer that question!” Gourry snapped.

Amelia put a hand on Gourry’s arm, “This is to help her.”

A tense silence filled the room before Rainclaff asked. “Dare I presume that is a yes?”

“You bastard!” Lina shrieked as she lifted her head up to glare at him.

“Did they force you to take them in your mouth?”

“No. That would have involved removing the gag.” She said tartly.

“Did they force you to give a hand job?”

Lina shook her head. “No.”

“Now Miss Inverse, let me return to the former question. Did they force you to perform anal sex?”

Lina felt like she was going to vomit. He had backed her up against the wall. She buried her head back into her arms. “Yes.” She whispered.

Gourry put a hand on her back as she cried tears hot with rage. “You’ve done enough.” He said, his voice rough as he wiped his eyes with his free hand, “And she needs a break. So why don’t you get the hell out of here?”

“I’m afraid this is just the beginning.” Rainclaff said as he took a sip of tea. “But I’ll give Miss Inverse a minute to collect herself. Now, Mr. Gabriev, where were you while this was happening?”

Gourry glared at him. “Passed out drunk in the next room.”

“And you don’t remember hearing anything?”

“No.”

“When did you learn that Miss Inverse had been raped?”

Gourry paled. Lina had not told anyone that she had been pregnant. And he did not feel that it was his place to say anything about it. Rainclaff noticed something amiss, “Let me rephrase the question. How long after the attack did you learn that she had been raped?”

Gourry inhaled. “A month or two. I’m not really sure.”

“So she kept it from you?”

“She was scared.” He defended.

“I didn’t ask why. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Miss Inverse, how long did the attack last?”

“It’s not like I had a clock to time it.” She said, her voice weak, “It seemed to go on forever.”

“If you had to estimate, how long would you say it lasted?”

Her eyes went unfocused for a moment, “I don’t know.”

“Miss Inverse it’s really important that you give an estimate.”

“Two, three hours?”

“And no one heard anything during those two or three hours?”

“How should I know?” she yelled.

“So your attack lasted as long as three hours and no one came in to investigate?”

 _I knew no one would believe me!_ she thought as she said, “May be it was an hour. I don’t know.”

“Miss Inverse, would you please settle on a time frame.”

“I was more focused on the ax to my throat!” she screamed.

“Have you spent much time traveling?” Gourry cut in, “People tend to mind their own business at inns. And she said she was gagged.”

“I still want to know how long the attack lasted.” Rainclaff maintained.

“Two hours.” Lina said, “And no, no one checked in during those two hours.”

“Did all three rape you?”

“Yes.”

“You said your night gown was over your head and you couldn’t see. How can you be sure?”

“After the first one to take a turn finished, they cut off my nightgown so they could see my face.”

“How many turns did they take?”

Lina shook her head, “Three? I’m not sure. I was too busy thinking about the ax.”

“They must have had some amazing stamina.” He said, causing Lina to pale, “Did they use objects to penetrate you with?”

She closed her eyes, but all she saw was the room where she had been violated. She opened them and stared at the carpet, working to remind herself of where she was even as the images of that night flashed before her. After the second time they did have a hard time getting it up, but any hope that it meant that they were done with her quickly vanished as they found other means to assault her instead. “A bottle. And I bet you want to know where they shoved it.”

“Miss Lina…” Amelia whispered.

Lina turned on her, “What type of perverted inquiry have you set me up with anyway? What are you playing at? Is Seyruun so desperate for cash that you’re having to…”

“Miss Inverse, are you wanting to get the charges dropped or not?” Rainclaff asked.

“Yes!”

“Then answer the questions. Did they penetrate you with a bottle vaginally?”

She whimpered as the agony of the moment seared her consciousness. The pain lanced with fear of what would happen if it broke inside of her. “Yes.”

“How about anally?”

“No.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“You’re sick!” Gourry yelled as Lina seethed, “What’s your game here? Do I look like I enjoyed it?”

“Did they keep the ax to your throat the whole time?”

“Right until the moment I took it from them!”

“Describe how that happened.”

Lina ran a hand through her hair. “They were drinking the whole time. The one who was holding the ax passed out drunk. I took the ax and I stabbed the one currently violating me in the stomach with it.”

“That is perfectly defensible. However, the autopsy report shows that he also had his throat slashed.”

“Yes. I wanted to make sure he was dead.”

“And the other two?”

“I knocked one out and slit their throats before they could wake up.”

“You didn’t try to contact the authorities?”

“Obviously.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t want anyone to know!”

“Why? If it wasn’t your fault…”

“Because it was humiliating!”

“But you didn’t have to kill them. You could have cast a sleep spell and let the law handle it.”

“I wasn’t exactly feeling trustful of anyone at that moment. Besides, who was going to believe me? And I’m used to taking care of the bad guys by myself.”

“Miss Inverse, one of the men you killed was the son of a duke. The other was a law enforcement officer. Laws are in place for a reason, and though you may be very powerful you are not above the law. We cannot look to endorse vigilante justice in these cases.”

Lina looked at him, stricken, “What should I have done? Tied them up while I strolled into town, beaten and bloodied? I could barely walk after all they did! I had lost a lot of blood from where they cut my neck because they didn’t give a damn about killing me. Right before I got the ax the one holding it had nearly cut my head off with it! I’d spent who knows how much time under an ax and I was still scared for my life! I could barely think straight! I had to cast a healing spell on myself when they were in the room because the wounds to my neck were that severe. What if one of them had woken up and attacked me again? I might not have been able to defend myself. I had to secure the scene before then!”

He smiled, “A valid point we shall have to drive home. What was your state of mind at the time?”

“Huh?”

“What were you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Numb?” She said as her voice trailed off.

“What were you thinking?”

“That I had to get out of there. That I couldn’t tell anyone, that I would have to forget it.”

Lina stared at him as he ate a biscuit. She was feeling exhausted, but somehow she knew he had still more questions. “What happened next?”

Lina swallowed. “I gathered my stuff and went to the bathroom down the hall. I cleaned myself up as best as I could.”

She was silent as she wondered how Gourry would react when he learned how she had gotten them out of the inn that night. She put her palms to her head as Rainclaff asked, “How did you leave the inn?”

“I didn’t want Gourry to know.” She said quietly. “So I cast a sleep spell on him, and then I cast a levitation spell. It got us out of the inn. I cast a ray wing spell and got us out of the area. I set up a camp site and made him breakfast and told him we had camped out the previous night.”

She did not see the stunned look on his face, nor the light bulb moment that flashed across it. She was thankful that his questioning turned to Gourry. “Do you remember that morning, Mr. Gabriev?”

“Dimly.” He said.

“What about it stands out?”

“Well, Lina said that we had been forced to camp out, but I was fairly sure I remembered reaching an inn. But my memory is not too good, and since I’d woken up in a camp site I decided to believe her.”

He squeezed her hand, causing a floodgate of relief to swell through her as Rainclaff asked, “Did anything else seem odd to you at the time?”

“Well, Lina seemed like she was trying too hard to be happy. And she was walking a little funny. I thought that she had hurt her leg or something. She doesn’t like to tell me when she injures herself.”

“What do you mean ‘trying too hard to be happy?’”

“You know when someone smiles too big and it doesn’t reach their eyes? Or they say everything is fine but if you turn your back for five minutes and look again, they’re crying? She would do that. If I was looking she’d plastered a big, phony grin on her face. If I wasn’t she was sad.”

“What else was odd?”

“She wasn’t sleeping. I could hear her pacing in her room at night. And,” he hesitated before adding, “She stopped eating.”

“Did you ask her what was wrong?”

Gourry nodded, “Yes.”

“What did she say?”

“That I was imagining things.”

“Did you believe her?”

“Not for a minute. But she’d get mad if I kept pressing.”

“Miss Inverse, why did you keep it a secret from Mr. Gabriev?”

“I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Why?”

“I was scared.” She said weakly, “I didn’t want him to think I wanted it or to leave me.”

“When did you tell him?”

“About two months after it happened.”

“What led up to that?”

Lina was silent for a moment as she stared at her hands. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Look, if you don’t tell me and they find out then I will have no defense whatsoever to plan for you. You’d ruin the case, and everything you told me today would be for nothing.” He pressed.

Lina felt as though the ax were digging into her throat again as Amelia added, “This is for Justice, Miss Lina! There’s no harm in telling the truth.”

What choice did she really have? When she spoke her voice was oddly detached, “I passed out one night. I’d had a miscarriage.”

Amelia gasped, “Miss Lina, you didn’t tell me!”

“No, I didn’t.”

“And you would have kept this a secret if you hadn’t have miscarried?” Rainclaff asked.

“That was the plan.” Lina said.

“Damn. This looks bad.”

“It was bad!” Lina snapped.

“They are going to say that you seduced those three men after Mr. Gabriev refused to sleep with you and killed them so he would never find out. And then when you had a miscarriage that you concocted some story about being raped so he would have pity on you.” Rainclaff said accusingly.

Lina turned white as a sheet, “That’s crazy! Who would do something like that?”

“You don’t exactly have a stellar reputation.”

“Well, you don’t exactly have a lot of tact!” Lina spat back.

“You’ve been here all this time, can’t you see she’s been hurt? Lina’s not the type to sleep around and then commit murder to cover it up.” Gourry said.

“It doesn’t matter what I believe, merely what I can convince the inquiry to believe. And thanks to your actions my job has become much harder. I can get you off the hook, though my own talents and not through any smart thing you’ve done since that night. But if you think that this interview with me was bad, just wait till you see what happens to you at the inquiry. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us. Now, I need a detailed written statement from you describing that night, and tomorrow after breakfast we’ll go over it.”

“Get the hell out.” Lina spat, feeling just as torn and defiled as she had that night. The scab that had slowly and painstakingly formed to cover the wound that night had left on her had been painfully ripped open, and once again she was bleeding.

“Miss Inverse…” he began condescendingly.

Gourry stood up, “She asked you to leave.”

Rainclaff exchanged a glance with Karen, “Let’s give Miss Inverse some time.”

They got up, leaving Amelia with them. Lina did not look at her as she said, “You too. Leave. We are not friends.”

“But Miss Lina…”

“I don’t want to hear it! Get the hell out before I…”

Amelia stood up, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said weakly.

“The hell you will.” Lina spat as she closed the door behind her.


	8. Sail Your Sea, Meet Your Storm, All I Want is to be Your Harbor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Harbor" by Vienna Teng.

Gourry’s eyes narrowed in annoyance as someone knocked at the door. He had already told Rainclaff in no uncertain terms that his questioning of Lina the previous night had set her back into the throes of depression and that she was currently indisposed and was not available for another round of his sadistic interrogation. And the jerk had had the nerve to threaten them with derailing their entire case!

When he answered he was not too surprised to find that it was Amelia. He opened the door slightly but didn’t let her in. “Lina doesn’t want to see you.” He said.

The princess nodded, though she was obviously hurt. “I understand that. Can I talk with you?”

He stared at her warily. Lina was mad at her, and he couldn’t blame her. He was mad himself! “Five minutes.” He said as he opened the door.

Really so that he could give her a piece of his mind. As soon as he closed it he started before Amelia had the chance to blabber on about justice. “I don’t know much about diplomacy or inquiries. What I know is a lot simpler. Lina was hurt.”

“I know…”

“And you brought someone in with the tact of a troll and made her relive every moment of the worst night of her life in graphic detail!”

“He’s the best…” she tried to cut in again.

“He can’t be the best if this is what happens, if it means raping her again process!” Gourry exclaimed more loudly than he meant to. “I’ve been working my ass off to pick up the pieces for the last few months, and then he comes along and questions every move she has made and even tells her that she made it up so I wouldn’t find out that she had slept with someone! When the whole reason she couldn’t come to me in the first place was because she was terrified that I would think that she had wanted it!”

Amelia looked as though she was about to cry. Gourry was so mad he didn’t care. “Are you so set on seeing justice served, whatever that means when the men who did this are rotting in the ground, that you’re willing to feed her to the wolves to do it? Because I’m not!”

Amelia’s eyes widened as though she had been slapped in the face. He continued, “I love her more than anything, and I have no ties to this world other than her. I will take her across the ocean if I have to! But I will see that she is safe and that she can heal.”

Amelia had never felt more intimidated by the swordsman. She had never noticed just how tall and imposing he truly was. But then she had never done something to unfurl his wrath. And it cut her to the core that she had unleashed it because he saw her as a threat to Lina. Something within her recognized the irony of the fact that, had his speech been aimed at anyone else, she would have felt light headed with giddiness over the way he protected her friend.

“I want to protect her too, Mr. Gourry.” She said, surprised at how even her voice was. “I really do. She’s never going to be able to fully move on until this matter is settled, though! Someone will say something or the authorities will find out and bring it all back again.”

He barely blinked even as part of him realized that she did have a point. They couldn’t walk five miles on the way to Seyruun without hearing the tale of Lina the slutty murderess.

She continued, “I’m sorry about Councilor Rainclaff. He can argue any point flawlessly, but you’re right. He has the tact of a troll. I should have been more sensitive to that. I told him that he will need to work with Miss Lina through a medium. I will screen her, I think Miss Lina would be more comfortable with a woman. The medium will ask the questions, but she will be tactful. She will coach Miss Lina on what to say. Miss Lina will still have to be with Councilor Rainclaff during the inquiry, but hopefully by then she’ll be stronger.”

Gourry stared at her warily. “I’ll talk to Lina about it. It’s her choice. Remember that. And one more thing.”

Amelia nodded that he continue.

“Any question she doesn’t want to answer gets dropped.”

“Of course.” Amelia offered. “Mr. Gourry, I truly regret not stopping it.”

He opened the door, and no trace of his usual warmth shone through his features. “Prove it.”

Her stomach knotted as she walked out the door. Gourry quickly closed and locked it and then glanced at the bedroom. He regretted not taking Amelia to his chambers and talking with her there. Lina had most likely heard everything.

He walked over to the bedroom and gently opened the door. Lina was wearing a robe over a nightshirt and lying on her stomach, a breakfast tray laden with food on her bedside table. She stared off at the wall blankly. She’d been like that more or less since her interview with Rainclaff. Sometimes her face was wet with tears. This was one of those times.

If she noticed his presence she said nothing. It was scaring him. He’d never seen her like this. He sat down on the bed and put a hand on her back. “How much did you hear?”

“Everything.” She whispered.

He was silent for a moment, waiting for her to voice an opinion. When she said nothing he asked, “What do you think of Amelia’s plan?”

“What does it matter?” she asked, “Everyone thinks I’m a slut. I’ve already been tried and condemned. I’m surprised my parents haven’t written to disown me.”

“I don’t think that!”

“Then you’re the only one!”

“The Rolats don’t think that either.” He pointed out. “Everyone who knows you knows what bull shit that is!”

She was silent for so long that he sighed. “Do you want me to leave you alone, or do you want me to stay?” he asked.

“No one was holding me down yesterday.” Lina said.

He frowned, not sure where she was going with this. Without a word from him she continued, “And I didn’t stop it! I could have walked out at any minute and I didn’t! Why didn’t I do that?”

Gourry realized that they had finally gotten to the heart of what was bothering her. It was bothering him as well that he didn’t end the conversation by grabbing Rainclaff by the collar and throwing him out. “This is their playing field.” He said quietly. “If Amelia and that man said it would get you off the hook, who were we to argue?”

But when Rainclaff dropped the killer accusation…

Someone knocked on the door. “Better go get that.” Lina said tartly as Gourry seethed.

He got up, resolving that if it was Rainclaff or Amelia they were going to see a side of him that would leave them trembling in their shoes. His annoyance went out like a flame as he opened the door and saw Pearl Rolat standing there, looking resplendent in a pink silk dress. “May I speak with Miss Lina?” she asked, “We’re leaving today to go home.” She added.

Gourry decided that Pearl was quite possibly the only person other than him that Lina would want to see. He opened the door. “Have a seat. I’ll tell her you’re here.”

If Pearl suspected anything was amiss her face betrayed none of it as she sat down on the couch and soothed the folds of her dress. Gourry disappeared briefly into Lina’s room. After a minute he returned, “Go ahead and see her.”

Pearl got up daintily and brushed past the swordsman as she entered the room and closed the door, leaving her alone with Lina, who was perched on the edge of the bed. Her shoulders were slumped, and her hair was a tangled mess. “You’ve looked better.” Pearl commented.

“I’ve also looked worse.” Lina responded. She glanced at her. “Aren’t you a picture?”

Pearl sat next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. “I think I was saved the full inquisition by the police due to my rank. It was still brutal.”

“And now you’re putting that bastard behind bars.”

Pearl smiled wryly. “Damn straight.”

“A lady is not supposed to use those words.” Lina said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

“I’m channeling your fighting spirit.”

Lina’s smile was tired, “So that’s why I feel as though I have none.”

Pearl wrapped her other arm around her and gave her a sideways hug. “Somehow I feel as though you have enough to fuel a whole army.”

Lina let the words sink in a little. “Are you scared?”

“Petrified.”

Lina patted her knee. “You will write me.”

“And you me.” There was a pause before she whispered in her ear, “Our mansion leads into an underground labyrinth. Only family knows about it. If it gets so bad…”

The thought of spending her days rotting in a labyrinth was not enticing. But it was certainly better than a jail. “Thanks. But I’m going to get out of this mess.”

Pearl smiled, “I’m glad to hear it!”

She pulled her into a frontal embrace and gripped her tightly. “Good luck!” Lina said.

Pearl took a deep breath, “You too. I’d still be there if it wasn’t for you and Mr. Gourry. If you ever need anything…”

“I know.”

Pearl stood up, “I’ll see you again at your wedding.”

“What wedding?” Lina asked.

Pearl winked, “I’ve never seen a man so in love as he is with you.”

Lina blushed as she walked out the door. Gourry walked in, and she hoped he hadn’t heard that last bit. “You okay?”

She smiled as she stood up. “I’m getting there.” She started rummaging through her clothes with a zeal that she did not truly feel, “I can’t sit here moping around anymore, especially as I’ve got a meeting with the head guard in two hours. If Pearl can move forward, I can too.”

* * *

There were few times in her life when Amelia felt worse. It had been a month, and still Lina was not talking to her. She’d seen her only briefly when they passed in the hallways, and Lina was careful to avoid eye contact. Amelia had put a woman named Melynda on the case to work with Lina to prepare her for the inquiry. Melynda reported that she had established a connection with Lina, and Gourry had confirmed it. But Lina still refused to forgive her.

Amelia sat down at her desk and rummaged through her mail. Her heart fluttered when she noticed a letter in Zelgadis’ handwriting. She tore it open and read it.

Dear Amelia,

I’m afraid I must postpone my trip back to Seyruun. I don’t want to say much via mail, but it is related to the matter in Anilorac and could help Lina.

Love,

Zel

Amelia re-read it several times, disappointed in how short it was and craving more information. What had he found that could help Lina? There was a knock on the door. A flutter of hope sprang within her that it might be Lina. “Come in!”

It died when she saw Gourry, looking unusually grim. What had she done now? “Mr. Gourry? How can I help you?”

He pulled out a stack of letters and put them on her desk. “Be glad I found them before Lina did.” He said.

Amelia frowned and picked one up and instantly crumpled it up. It was vile! The writer had called the men who attacked Lina fine upstanding citizens, and then had proceeded to hurl a number of vile slurs at her. “Who would write this?” she exclaimed.

“I don’t know how they realized she was here.” He said, “But tell your couriers to have her mail searched!”

“Done.” Amelia said. “I’ll go through them myself.”

He noticeably relaxed. “Thank you. It’s just, this is the last thing she needs.”

“You don’t need to convince me.” Amelia said as she winced at the thought of the damage to the palace that would likely result should Lina read them. “How is she doing?”

“A little better than yesterday.” He replied. “I’ll see you around.”

Amelia wanted to say something as he walked out but it died in her throat. Feeling unusually despondent she picked up the letters and threw them into the fireplace. She than rang for her secretary. “Ma’am?” he asked.

“Please see to it that any letters addressed to Lina Inverse are delivered to me.” Amelia instructed.

“Right away. Also, there’s a young woman here to see you. She says it’s related to the matter at Anilorac.”

Amelia’s interest was piqued. “Oh?” she asked. Then she remembered the letters. A feeling of unease settled within her. “Send her in.”

Fifteen minutes later a slender, dark haired woman was seated across from her desk. Beside her sat a man who looked so similar to her that it was easy to conclude that he was her brother. “Miss Celia Somat and Mr. Anton Somat.” Her secretary introduced.

“Thank you. I’ll let you know if I need anything else.” She waited until he had left before addressing Celia, “What can I help you with?”

Celia looked briefly at her brother before taking a deep breath, “You’re friends with Lina Inverse?”

Amelia hoped that her smile did not falter. She was no longer sure if she had that privilege. “Yes.”

“The rumors, that she seduced three men in Anilorac and killed them? I know they’re not true.” She said.

Amelia’s heart started to flutter. “How do you know this?”

“It was about eight months ago. I was traveling to visit a sick friend, and I stayed at the Ant’s Head Inn.” Celia said. Her voice was even, but her words came fast, as if she had been holding her story back for so long that a dam had burst and it was spilling out of her faster than she could control. “I stayed to myself. I don’t usually travel alone but circumstances as they were I was the only one who could afford to travel. I ate, went to bed. I woke up because someone had slapped me.”

Amelia’s eyes widened as Celia continued. “There were four of them. They had gagged me, I guess so no one could hear me scream. They were holding me down. One of them said that if I cooperated they would make it feel good, but if not they would make it hurt. I was so scared I did what they wanted.”

She paused briefly to wipe the tears from her face as her brother rubbed her back before she continued, “It went on for hours. Finally they finished and said if I told anyone there would be consequences. After they left I eventually cleaned myself up and I went to the police.”

Amelia’s heart was beating so fast she felt as though it would shatter her ribs as Celia continued, “And two of them were there! They worked there! I didn’t even get to make a report, one of them saw me as soon as I stepped in the building and he pulled me into a room. He chained me to the desk and got his brother, and they did it again! They went easy on me that night, but when I went to the precinct they were…”

Her voice trailed off as she shook her head, “By the time they finished I could barely walk out of there.”

“Do you know their names?” Amelia asked.

“Brody.” She said.

Amelia stood up, walked so she was in front of her, knelt down and clasped her hands, “That was very brave of you to come here and talk with me.”

Celia’s eyes took a determined stance, “I heard what they were saying about the sorceress, and I knew it was the same bastards who had done this to me! When I heard that she was here I knew I had to help. Not just because I don’t want to see her punished for this, but because the fourth one is still out there!”

“Do you want to press charges?” Amelia asked, working hard to keep her tone neutral.

“Yes!” Celia said, the conviction burning like a flame in her eyes.

“I’ll work to get a warrant issued for his arrest immediately. And I’m going to bring a woman, Miss Melynda in to speak with you. And after that I was wondering if you would like to meet Miss Lina?”

* * *

  
Lina sighed as she kicked off her boots. It had been an awkward but productive day. She had met with Prince Phil to discuss the changes she was making in the ranks. They kept it professional, but it was still strange to work with him when she was not on speaking terms with his beloved daughter. Now that it was over all she wanted to do was have a good dinner and cuddle up with Gourry before getting some rest.

“I spoke with Amelia today.” Gourry said as he removed his armor.

“That’s nice.” Lina said as she removed her mantle.

“She asked about you.”

“I don’t want to talk to her.” Lina said. It didn’t help that if anything things seemed to have been worse since she first met Rainclaff. She would walk into rooms and people would stop talking and look bashful. And while Gourry tried his best to keep it from her, she could not escape noticing that a lot of people believed that she made up being raped solely to gain sympathy. Lately Lina wondered why she was still hanging around. Thus far all going to Seyruun had done was make a bad situation worse.

Someone knocked on the door, and both of them groaned. “I’ll get it.” Gourry said.

Lina sat on the bed as she listened as the door opened. “What is this about?’ she heard him asked.

She couldn’t make out what the other person said, only that it was Amelia who was talking. Lina bristled at her nerve before feeling her stomach drop as she heard him say, “Come in. Let me get her.”

Was it that bad? Gourry had been a good watchdog, making sure that no one disturbed her. If he was inviting Amelia in then it must be pretty dire news. “Lina,” he said as he opened the door, his face flushed slightly with excitement, “You’d better come talk to her.”

Her stomach churned as she got up and walked to the living area, and she was stunned when she saw that it was not Amelia sitting there but a woman she had never seen before. “What is this about?” she asked.

“My name is Celia.” She said.

Lina regarded her cautiously for a minute as she stood beside the couch. “Lina.” She clipped.

“I wanted to meet you so that I could thank you.” She said.

“Thank me?” Lina asked, confusion rolling over her in waves.

“Yes, to thank you. Because I couldn’t kill those bastards. I couldn’t even send them to jail for what they did to me. But you gave them their comeuppance.”

Lina’s eyes widened as her legs turned to jelly and she sat on the couch as a million different emotions waged a battle within her. “I wasn’t the only one.” She breathed.

Celia nodded, “Eight months ago they did to me what they did to you.”

 _I’m not the only one! I’m not the only one!_ The thought circled over and over in her mind. She had suspected but now she had proof. And what was more, Celia had risked traveling, had even had to stay in inns to come this way to let her know and show her support. For the first time in months Lina felt gratitude bubble within her like a geyser. “I know the muck they’re slandering you with is false.” Celia continued, “And I want to help you prove it.”

Lina’s chest became tight under the magnitude of the moment as Celia grabbed her hands suddenly and squeezed them tightly, “We’re no longer alone in this.”

In seconds a connection was forged. Lina pulled Celia to her tightly. How could she ever explain to her how much it meant that she had come down to stand beside her? “Thank you!” she whispered.

* * *

 

Celia was the first, but far from the last victim of the Ant’s Head Inn to make their way to Seyruun. Soon the palace was flooded with eleven women who shared similar horrific stories. With each woman who came forward, Lina felt the burden placed on her shoulders ease as another person shared it. That eleven complete strangers would risk the danger of travel and the humiliation that came with speaking out to support her and see justice served was heartening.

They effortlessly formed a community. A banquet hall was set aside for the survivors of the Ant’s Head Inn, and anyone who was not a survivor was not allowed to enter it. At any time they could rest assured that they could go there and someone who had been through something similar would be there to lend a non-judgmental ear.

It became easier to believe that it wasn’t anything she herself did when she heard the same story come from the mouths of other women, some who had been drinking, most who hadn’t. Some were sorceresses, others were normal women. Some even had a degree of proficiency in black or shamanist magic. But like Lina, while gagged they were just as unable to use their spells as her.

Lina also became more convinced that she had locked her door. There was no way all eleven of them forgot. It became reasonable to conclude that the innkeeper’s son had gotten a hold of a key.

The only thing that seemed to differentiate Lina from the others was that she was the only one who had fought. “I wish I’d fought, but at the time I was just so scared! There were four of them and they were so large!” said Margie, a merchant who had been traveling to secure supplies when she was attacked.

“I started wondering if I wanted it, because I gave it up so easily.” Added Daniella, a sorceress.

Lina shifted uncomfortably. At least with all of the guilt she had carried this had not been one of them. “You survived, survival is what matters. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to because our survival depends on it. It doesn’t mean that we wanted it.” She said.

“That’s easy for you to say! You fought, they had to draw a weapon…” Celia cut in.

Several of the women who had not heard that aspect of Lina’s tale gasped. “And I barely survived.” Lina pointed out. “I’m actually starting to wonder if there’s a reason more women who fought haven’t stepped forward.”

There was a tense silence as each of the women drew that thought to its natural, terrifying conclusion. “I think Miss Lina is right.” Said Meredith, a traveling healer. “We survived a situation we should never have been put into in the first place.”

Gloria, one the youngest of the victims and the most fragile, whose stomach was swollen with a reminder from that night looked at Lina with big eyes, “Did they make it hurt?” she asked timidly.

Lina nodded, “It was agonizing.”

Lina didn’t want to ask how it was for them, and she didn’t have to. Gloria looked at the ground as she said, “It was so embarrassing. Some of what they did felt good, but I didn’t want it to.”

“Well, they’re touching places that feel good when they’re touched.” Said Margie. Everyone looked at the older woman, who shrugged her shoulders. “I’m just stating a fact. Your body can’t tell if you want to be touched there or not. Just cause it felt good doesn’t mean that you wanted to be touched in the first place.”

Lina, along with several of the other women blushed. “It was so embarrassing though!” Celia persisted, “I was so ashamed.”

Several others joined in the chorus. Lina knew a little of what they meant. She had been embarrassed that she had been aroused. But they had handled her so roughly that the pain she had felt outweighed any pleasure that could have been felt. Once again, Lina found herself glad she had resisted. Yes, she’d jeopardized her life, but she never would have gotten a hold of the ax and had the satisfaction of defeating them. She also would have had to grapple with additional shame. What she had been carrying was bad enough.

“It felt like my body betrayed me.” Gloria said as her voice started to break.

“Margie’s right, though.” Said Jeannie, “I mean, it’s embarrassing but it wasn’t like we wanted it. We can’t help it if some of it felt good. It doesn’t mean they should have been poking around places they weren’t invited to.”

“A lot of it hurt, too.” Added Sefonie quietly. Many of the women nodded, and then Sefonie added, “Is it different when it’s someone you want to be with?”

Lina’s ears perked as Margie replied, “Very. When you want to be with someone you’re focused on what each other wants, making it fun and enjoyable. You don’t feel humiliated or threatened or that horrible sense of dread.”

“You’re not trying to block it out either.” Added Jeannie.

“Exactly, you’re focused on giving and receiving pleasure.”

“And there’s trust.”

“Have…” Lina started, and then looked at the floor as heat flooded through her face, “Has anyone in here been with someone willingly since…?”

“As soon as I got home my husband wanted to go at it.” Margie said. “I wasn’t quite ready, but I got there. It was about a month.”

Lina felt herself relax. So she wasn’t a slut for feeling her desire return for Gourry after two months. Jeannie added, “A month, a month and a half. I’ve always liked getting between the sheets, though it was several months before it felt right again.”

Margie nodded in agreement as Jeannie’s answer made her feel less comfortable. Jeannie seemed especially experienced and had one time boasted of having numerous partners. And while she said nothing, it seemed hard to believe that she had not wanted sex when she always seemed to rip roaring and ready to go. But her story had started like all of the others, though she had been one of the ones who had not even bothered going to the police. “They would have called me a common whore.” She explained when asked.

But then, Lina figured, just because four nights out of five she was having sex didn’t mean she wanted to on that fifth.

“I went out and did it the next week, just to see if I could enjoy it.” Said Celeste. “I figured I’d already been ruined. Why not go full force?”

“I feel so much better knowing I wasn’t the only one!” said Celia. “I’ve never before, but a week after I just started sleeping with anyone who would have me. I felt horrible about it but I couldn’t stop.”

“Me too!” a few others chimed in, and there was a gaggle of blabber as they shared their experiences. Lina’s eyes widened in surprise. Both at the fact that someone would do that after being raped, and at how accepting of them she still was. She understood the impulse.

Lina took a deep breath and felt better about the things she had done with Gourry. The deep, passionate kisses, the wandering hands. Clothes remained on, all the way a distant goal. And if she could view all of these woman sympathetically and not see them as sluts, then she could feel confident that she wasn’t as well.

“I have a hard time believing anyone would want me.” Gloria said weakly, “Especially now that I’ve got this.” She said, pointing at her stomach.

“Someone who loves you would.” Lina said.

Margie nodded in agreement. Gloria reddened, “That’s easy for you to say. He was in love with you before it happened. And who is going to want to raise another man’s child?”

“I was pregnant.” Lina said quietly. “Gourry would have helped me. But I got rid of it.”

“You could always drop it off at temple when it comes.” Said Celeste, “That’s what I’m going to do.”

“I don’t know that I could do that.” Gloria said, “It’s not the baby’s fault.”

“I don’t want to live with the reminder. It will be better for it that way.” Celeste said.

“How did you get rid of it?” Gloria asked Lina.

“I cast a spell.” She said as she folded her arms across her stomach.

“Do you regret it?” Gloria asked as her eyes widened.

“Not one bit. It’s better this way.” Lina said decidedly.

“I hear that.” Margie said, “It’s hard enough without the reminder.”

Celeste smiled, “It’s been hard, but I’ve only got a few more months. I’m sure it will be easier once it’s gone. This, though, this has already made it so much easier. Hearing everyone’s stories, knowing I’m not alone in what I feel.”

“I was so scared to make this trip, but I’m so glad that I did.” Celia added.

“I am too.” Lina said quietly, “I’m still knee deep in trouble, but this has helped a lot.”

Margie patted her knee, “We had to help the one who killed three of those bastards.”

“I also want to see Captain Brody rot in jail.” Celia said vengefully.

“Oh, I heard Princess Amelia say that he was apprehended the other day.” Gloria chimed in.

There was a round of applause, and Lina felt the weight on her shoulders lessen even further. “Now that calls for a celebration!”

* * *

 

“Lina’s been scared to see her folks ever since this has happened,” Gourry said quietly, “But I actually think I’m more scared. How am I going to explain to them that because I was drunk I had no idea what was happening until it was too late? I was supposed to protect her. I don’t know how I’m going to ask for her hand now.”

“I get that.” Said Fred. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel guilty about not making that trip with Margie.”

“Most likely her folks feel the same way.” Said Harold, Gloria’s father. “They’re probably wondering why they let her travel on her own.” He sighed, “The fact of the matter is that we’d smother them if we zealously protected them twenty-four seven. Usually they don’t get hurt this bad though!”

“She’s coming home alive.” Said Fred, “That is what matters the most.”

Gourry thought back to what Lina said, about all of the times that he had saved her life. “She still thinks I’m worthy, but I’m scared that her parents won’t.”

“With all you two have been through I’d let my daughter marry you in a heartbeat.” Said Harold, and several of the parents in the room nodded in agreement.

“The way you’ve stood by her through all this,” said Nelly, “Anyone who would stand by my Celeste like that would be worth it just for that.”

Gourry smiled warmly. “Thank you.”

“Nelly has a point.” Said Sefonie’s sister, “My sister was dating a young man when it happened. He left, said she was vile and disgusting now. That only made it so much worse for her, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t want to tar and feather him. It’s amazing how supportive you’ve been. Surely her folks will see that.”

“That’s horrible!” Gourry said, and there was a clatter of talk as people shared their stories of people who were supportive and people who weren’t. Eventually he glanced at the clock and bid his goodnight and headed back to Lina’s chambers.

There had been such a different dynamic since the other survivors had come forward. It felt wonderful to talk with people who were feeling the same things they were, to hear a different perspective, to find a new way to think of it. There was still the worry about what would happen during the inquiry, but at least they knew they were no longer alone.

He opened the door and closed and locked it. “Lina?” he asked, wondering if she had made it home yet.

“In here.” She called from the bedroom.

“Hey,” he said as he walked in, and then felt his jaw drop. She was sitting in bed, reading a book and wearing a button down shirt, and not much else.

“Hey!” she said, obviously happy to see him as she got off the bed and made a few quick paces to where he was and threw her arms around him and pulled him down for a kiss.

He kissed her lightly, and quickly found her lips back on his, demanding more. He grinned as he returned her affections, breaking to ask, “What’s brought all this on.”

“Captain Brody is in custody.” She said as she untucked his shirt and put her hands underneath it, “And I feel like celebrating.”

Shivers ran up his spine as she explored him. His breath started coming more rapidly as he moaned delectably. “Lina, this is doing things to me…”

“That’s the point.” She said as her hands moved lower and caressed his erection through his pants.

His eyes shot open as he gasped, “And taking it slow?”

“I want to speed things up.” She insisted.

Who was he to argue? _Whatever you do, don’t grab her arms!_ he told himself as she undid his pants. “Just let me know if I need to slow down.” He whispered as his pants fell down around his ankles.

She kept one hand on his hip and she brought the other one to his cheek and caressed it gently, before guiding him down so that she could kiss him again. He wrapped his arms around her and Lina started to pull him back towards the bed. He lowered his hands to cup her bottom and she lifted herself up, wrapping her legs around him, making it so that he didn’t have to lean down so far to kiss her.

He grinned as he sat on the bed, and she gasped as it caused their bared genitals to rub directly together for the first time. She found herself grinding against him, pleased with the response it elicited from him as her hands reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. There was a strained look on his face as she continued to writhe against him, as if it was taking all of his willpower to keep from entering her.

She wasn’t ready to let him in quite yet. He moaned in protest as she moved off his lap and stood between his legs as she trailed a series of kisses down his chest, and down further until she reached his manhood, which she tenderly grabbed.

“Lina?” he asked, not quite believing that this was really happening.

“Just let me know if I’m doing this right.” She said as she knelt down, opened her mouth and took him in.

 _Focus on his pleasure_. She told herself. It was easier to be the one calling the shots, the one doing, and she directed all of her energies to indulging him. “You’re doing good.” He cooed, “Just like that, yes, run your tongue like that.”

She complied, grinning as he moaned delectably. “Careful, watch the teeth.”

She opened her mouth wider, ignoring the awkward way she had to fit everything in there as she worked to make it good. She moved her tongue against him, and suddenly he had put his hands on her head and was pulling her away.

“Gourry?” she’d asked, wondering if she’d done something wrong, when something clumpy and salty smelling hit her face. “What the…”

“Sorry,” he said, an expression that darted between bliss and embarrassment on his face as she wiped the sticky stuff from her face. “It’s been awhile, I didn’t mean to come that soon. I tried to pull you away to buy more time, but it was too late.”

“Yuck, this is gross.” She said as she wiped her hands on the bed sheets as she stood up. “What?” she asked, as she noticed the smoldering look he was giving her.

He put one hand on the small of her back and moved her forward to kiss her. It was a slow, meandering kiss, but there was such intensity behind it that it caused gooseflesh to form all over her. His hands moved to the bottom button on her shirt and he deftly undid it, before moving up to the next one. She inhaled sharply as he moved upward, undoing her shirt, knowing that it was a matter of seconds before she would be just as naked as him.

It was an awkward moment of ambivalence when he pulled her shirt apart and started to fondle her breasts. She wanted to be like this with him, and she wanted to be comfortable with him, and she was enjoying herself. But underlying everything was the fact that the last time she was naked with someone she was being raped.

 _Do not let them in here tonight!_ she yelled at herself as Gourry brought his lips to her right nipple, making it easier to focus on the pleasure. She worked hard, too hard it seemed. All of her attention was focused on telling herself to enjoy it that it seemed as though the spontaneity required for the occasion was lost.

He pulled her into his lap and she wrapped her legs around him as his hands breezily traced patterns around her spinal cord as he left love bites along her collar bone. She gasped in surprise. She’d had no idea having someone rub your back could be so erotic! She started to stroke his hair, enjoying how soft and fine it was.

Slowly he twisted so that he could lay her on the bed. He loomed over her and unbidden memories of that night shot through her consciousness. She willed it away as he reached a hand to part her sex and stimulate her. She wrapped her arms around him, reminding herself of who she was with. But it was awkward having someone down there!

Awkwardness battled with pleasure, and there was pleasure. She directed her attention to giving herself permission to enjoy it, but it took something away from the moment. Lina could tell he seemed to be working hard for something that wasn’t happening. Deciding that she needed to regain control she grabbed his shoulders and gave him a gentle push, flipping things so that he was on his back and she was straddling him. “But you haven’t…” he said.

“Shh…” she said as she put a finger to his lips, feeling better now that she was on top and calling the shots. She moved her hand down to grip him again, and he slowly hardened. It took him a bit longer than usual to get to the hardness that the task required, but she managed. She took a deep breath. She wanted to do it like that couple she had found, and now he was ready.

She positioned herself over him, hovering awkwardly as she got him to her entrance, and then in a flash they were joined. His hands squeezed her hips as he drew a long sigh of release, while she gasped in delight. Yes, this was how she wanted it.

She moved up and down, pumping him slowly, enjoying the feel of him moving within her. She relished the moans and cries of delight, the knowledge that they shared the same goal of pleasuring each other.

He traced patterns on her hips and she kept her hands on his shoulders. Desperate for more stimulation she quicken the pace, squeezing her hands as she worked to control the pleasure. His hands suddenly dug into her hips, keeping her grounded to him as he cried out in. She grinned as he tried to push himself in deeper until he relaxed bonelessly beneath her.

His eyes fluttered opened. “You okay?” he asked as he reached up to stroke her cheek.

“Yes.” She said as she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly before moving so that she was cuddled up to him, and he surprised her by just how tightly he held her. “How was it for you?” she asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of her voice.

He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. After years of waiting and who knows how many close calls to death it was bliss to have finally moved within her, “Wonderful. I love you.”

Lina smiled against his chest and squeezed him a little tighter. If her being so ill used had changed things for him he certainly gave no outward sign of it. “I love you, too.”

There were still things to work on. She would have to get comfortable getting as good as she gave. But they had time for that, of that much she was certain.

* * *

 

Gourry sat with Lina in Melynda’s office as she reviewed the transcripts of the other victims. “This is looking very good for you, Miss Lina. It’s hard for them to say that you were the rapist when we now have thirteen signed and sworn statements alleging otherwise.”

Lina nodded, still feeling overwhelmed by the sudden outpouring of support. “I knew there had to be others. I just didn’t think any of them would have risked all of this to help me.”

“There are some bad eggs out there.” Melynda conceded, “But most people want to do the right thing. In some more good news, I received word from Mr. Zelgadis that Captain Brody has been arrested. Several women in Rolat have come forward and pressed charges against him and several other police officers as well. People are livid at this abuse of power. Right now people are distrustful of the police, and the jurisdictions are working to rebuild that.”

“What does that mean?” Gourry asked.

“It means that the authorities likely will not pursue her should she set foot in their precincts.” Melynda spelled out. “And the warrant for her arrest has been rescinded. The other good news is that the Inn Owners Guild has removed Mr. Skiro as its head. There’s no evidence that Mr. Skiro knew what was going on, but it has certainly given his business and reputation a black eye. So it’s likely that you can sleep safely should you decide to travel.”

“And what about the bounty?” Lina asked.

Melynda opened her hands in an apologetic gesture. “If the third person had been anyone but the son of a duke, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Even if he had been the one you gutted with an ax, it would be tricky. Unfortunately rank is the hang up here.”

Melynda sat down so that she was opposite Lina. “So instead of having to prove that you were raped and that your actions were justified, we just have to prove they were justified. What helps is that three of the young women attest to going to the police and being assaulted again for breaking their silence. That’s a strong argument that Rainclaff will use. Added to the sheer brutality of the crime and I think we have a good case.

“I’m not going to lie, though. Nobles protect their power, even if it means screwing commoners over.”

“So in other words, keep an escape close.” Lina muttered as Gourry rubbed her back.

Melynda smiled warily, “I’m also not going to lie about this. When other women stepped forward it changed some people’s minds. I’d say about half of the population is outraged on your behalf. But the other half, well, you know how ugly people can be about this. Reactions range from people who think women are asking for it if they travel alone to people who are stupid enough to think that you bought out a lot of country girls to make the accusations up.”

Lina stiffened a bit, “People are going to think what people are going to think.”

The older woman reached into her pocket, “On the bright side, it looks as though the right people are thinking the right things.”

Lina looked at her quizzically as she handed her a letter. Her eyebrows shot up as she recognized the handwriting on the envelope. “Lina?” Gourry asked as she removed the paper within the envelope with shaking hands.

“It says: Dear Lina, Give them Hell! Love, Mom, Dad and Sis.”

Gourry wrapped an arm around her as she finished. “P.S. Come home soon.”

* * *

 

“All of these normal girls, never held a sword? Doesn’t surprise me one bit. But me? I never thought it would happen to me.” Camilla said as she stared down at the floor.

Lina regarded the swordswoman, the thirteenth person to come forward. “I know exactly how you feel.”

“You’re so tiny.” Camilla continued, “And gagged you’re about as weak as any other girl.”

Lina wasn’t quite sure how to take that. “I can hold my own in a sword fight.” She paused as she considered, “Granted, brute strength isn’t something I have in abundance.”

“I thought I was strong.” She said bitterly. “I gave them a hell of a fight, though!”

Lina smiled. Of the fourteen women who had come forward, she and Camilla were the only ones who reported putting up a fight. And while it had been agonizing, painful and terrifying, at least she had that satisfaction. “Celia and the others were talking about how they felt so guilty for not fighting. I tried to tell them they did something right, they survived. That’s what matters.

“And sometimes,” she continued with newfound insight, “We get overpowered. I’ve been outgunned so many times, though I’ve never had anything like this happen. I’ve been shot through the gut. But I’ve never felt that guilt before for not being strong enough. And it’s stupid.”

“Perhaps.” Camilla conceded.

Usually kept the door closed to preserve privacy, but it had been a hot day so they kept it open to let a breeze go through. Lina looked up just in time to see Amelia walking down the hallway. She patted Camilla on the knee, “I’ll be right back.”

She got up and quickly caught up to Amelia. “Hey, Amelia!” Lina said.

Amelia turned to her, her expression unreadable, “Miss Lina?”

“Can we talk for a minute?”

Amelia smiled, “Sure.” She said, as she indicated an empty meeting room with a nod of her head.

Lina followed her in and closed the door. “If you’d not gotten the ball rolling, I don’t think they would have known where to find me even if they had wanted to come forward. So I guess I owe you some thanks.”

Tears welled up in Amelia’s eyes as she threw her arms around her, “I’m so sorry about what happened with Rainclaff. I wanted to tell you and I was afraid…”

“It’s done.” Lina said. “Why discuss it anymore?”

Amelia pulled away and sniffed. “I guess you’re right. How are you doing?”

Lina smiled, “Good, actually. And humbled.”

“Humbled?” Amelia asked.

“That I’m no more immune to this than all of these normal girls.” Lina admitted. “None of them can do the things that I can. Not even Camilla, or the other sorceresses.”

Amelia squeezed her arm, “And may be that was why you were the one who took them down.”

Lina shook her head. “I lucked out. The innkeeper’s son couldn’t hold his liquor. It could easily have gone the other way, and I wouldn’t be here.” There was a tense silence as the seriousness of the situation weighed heavily on both of them. Lina reached out and squeezed her arm, “But thanks for the vote of confidence.”


	9. Past the Mission and I Smell the Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Past the Mission" by Tori Amos.

Lina pressed her hands against her chest, taking comfort from the crinkle of the paper that resulted. _Give them hell!_ She told herself, repeating the directive her folks had given her. Gourry squeezed her shoulders gently. Any minute she would be called in to testify on her behalf. After months of waiting the inquiry was in full swing.

The first day had been devoted to going over the testimony of most of the other twenty-three women who had stepped forward. Rainclaff had them testify in chronological order. Something about the development of the modus operandi the group had used. Naturally this meant that Lina, as the last survivor, would be the last to testify. After spending the first day and most of the second one pacing in the waiting room she was ready to just get it over with.

The door opened and the bailiff said, “Miss Inverse, they’re ready.”

 _Give them hell!_ she reminded herself, feeling for the letter once more and gaining comfort and strength from it. Gourry planted a kiss on the crown of her head. “I love you.” He whispered.

“Love you.” She mumbled, and then she took a deep breath to steel herself. She was not going to let this Council of Twelve see just how scared she was.

Shoulder to shoulder they walked into the courtroom. Lina glanced over to her right at the twelve nobles who would determine whether or not she acted in self-defense. At the head of the table was Queen Myra, who looked like a force in her own right with her untamed, fiery red curls. Lina reminded herself that she would be gunning for her and tried not to pay too much attention to the others as she and Gourry separated. He took a seat in the audience, which was composed mostly of the other survivors and their families along with Amelia and Phil. Unfortunately the family members of the men she had slain were also there. They were segregated from the survivors and their families sat on the east side. Lina resolved not to give them a second glance.

Karen sat at a desk nearby, quill at the ready to transcribe the proceedings. Rainclaff and Melynda sat at a table opposite where the council sat. Steadily Lina made her way to the witness chair, repeating her parents’ directive to herself as she tried to shake the feeling of all of the eyes boring into her. She took another deep, calming breath. After today it would all be over, one way or another.

She finally made it to the chair and sat in it, crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. Rainclaff walked up to her and smiled at her encouragingly. She reminded herself that he was doing his best to get her out of this mess and worked to set any lingering resentment aside as he had her state her name for the record. The first questions were easy and mundane, but in a matter of minutes he was asking the painful questions about the events of that night.

She was amazed at how composed she was for a change as she answered his questions. For one thing everything that had been done to her that night had already been done to most of the other women in the room and described by them as well. It wasn’t anything the Council of Twelve hadn’t heard before. For some strange reason it made it easier, as if she wasn’t some deviant by having it performed on her. For another she knew it was the last time she would ever have to talk about it.

She answered his questions as briefly as possible, giving them a good picture of the brutality of the crime, of how close she had come to having her head severed from her neck, of how close she had come to dying that night. Her hands were sweating, but other than that she doubted she betrayed any of the anxiety she was feeling.

“Miss Inverse, would you care to tell us how you escaped such a perilous situation.” Rainclaff said.

Lina took a breath. This was the crucial part, the part she had gone over with Melynda repeatedly. “Mr. Skiro was holding the ax to my neck.” She began, “He was drunk. It was so bad that his grip slipped and he cut even deeper into my neck before he passed out from too much whiskey. When he did I grabbed the ax and attacked Officer Brody, who was currently violating me. I then hit Mr. Semaj with an uppercut to knock him out.”

“So in the space of a minute you had subdued all three of your attackers.”

“Yes.”

“Can you describe your frame of mind at the time?”

Yes.” She said, “I was in shock. The attack lasted for over two hours and I was still scared. It was hard for me to believe that I was safe after undergoing more than two hours of their brutality.”

“What did you do next?”

“I worked to secure the scene.”

“Meaning?”

“I found my sword and slit their throats.”

“Did it not occur to you to go to the police?”

“No.” Lina replied honestly.

“Why not?”

“I’m in the business of fighting Dark Lords, mazoku and demons and other such beings. When they attack it’s not as if I can go to the police for help, because they police can’t defend themselves against them. Going to the police and getting help would mean more people dead.” She smiled wryly as she added, “It wasn’t as if when Shabranigdo was reborn I could tell him to wait right there while I went down to the police station after all.”

Rainclaff smiled, “Of course not.”

“So when there’s danger, I’m used to having to take care of it myself. If I didn’t I would be dead.”

“So it would make sense that after undergoing such a trauma you would instinctively do what had helped you survive for the past six years as a traveling sorceress.”

“Exactly.” Lina said as she glanced at the Council of Twelve, “When you’re fighting monsters, you either flee or fight to the death. Wounding a monster won’t get it off your back, it will just attack while you have your guard down. I was in no condition to flee, so I had to make sure they were dead.”

“But Miss Inverse, there is a crucial difference. The men who attacked you were mere humans, and not monsters.”

Lina nodded, “At the time I did not see that much of a difference. Monsters like to inflict pain and suffering because they feed off of it. Because I wouldn’t cooperate, Mr. Skiro, Officer Brody and Mr. Semaj went out of their way to make sure I felt as much pain and humiliation as possible, just like a monster does. They may not have had the power a monster possesses, but they shared their depravity.”

“How did that affect how you dealt with them?”

“It made it hard for me to view them as human.” Lina replied, “I thought, and still think, of them as monsters. So I slayed them like one.”

“You depraved bitch!” someone from the crowd called. In an instant pandemonium was unleashed as the side of the room with the survivors found themselves in a shouting match against the side of the room that contained relatives of the attackers.

“Order!” Queen Myra demanded as she rang a bell.

It was a tense few minutes, but eventually both sides calmed down, and the guard escorted the person who had original spoken out of turn from the courtroom. “Let me remind the audience to be silent.” Queen Myra said menacingly.

No one needed to be told twice. Lina wondered if this was the first time an outburst happened as Queen Myra held the audience’s gaze. Finally she looked at Rainclaff, “You may resume.”

He nodded, “So Miss Inverse, would it be safe to say that after experiencing hours of cruelty you saw Mr. Semaj, Mr. Skiro, and Officer Brody as another monster and fell back on your years as a monster killer and dealt with them as such.”

“It is.”

He nodded. “No more questions.”

Lina took a deep breath as he went to sit at the table and waited for the questions from the Council of Twelve. “Miss Inverse.” A blond woman dressed from head to toe in jewels began, “You say that your actions that night were guided by the belief that these men were just as cruel as the monsters you have dealt with and had nothing to do with a desire for vigilante justice. Yet you are also known for slaying bandits. How do you explain this?”

Lina grinned to herself. She still didn’t like Rainclaff, but she did have to admit that he did see that question coming. “Bandits stick to small towns and attack areas where people travel, not big established cities with police departments. Often these towns are at their mercy and there is no law to go to. You don’t know how many mayors and townspeople have thanked me for ridding them of a menace to their population.”

More questions followed, and Rainclaff proved his mettle again and again. He had not only anticipated them, but he had had Melynda spend hours with Lina practicing a polished reply to each of them. Lina felt her confidence grow as they had finally run out of questions and she was dismissed.

Feeling as though a great burden had been removed from her shoulders, she went to sit between Gourry and Camilla. Gourry wrapped her into a hug and kissed her forehead, “You did great.” He said encouragingly as she squeezed his hand.

She looked up to notice the bailiff talking to Rainclaff and Melynda. “We would now like to call Mr. Zelgadis Greywards to testify.”

Lina and Gourry exchanged a confused glance. “When did Zel get back?” she whispered.

He shrugged. Lina looked over at Amelia and found that she seemed just as surprised as they were when Zel walked in, his clothes still dusty from his latest travels. He carried a stack of documents with him as he made his way over to the witness chair and took a seat. Rainclaff stood up and had Zel state his name and occupation for the record before asking. “Now Mr. Greywards, what brings you here to speak to us today?”

“I am here to speak on behalf of Polly Lancaster, Opal Worth, Mary Westword, Olivia Green, and three other unidentified women who are no longer able to.”

Lina felt her jaw drop as a whispered hush rang through the crowd. Gourry’s hand dug into her knee as Queen Myra rang the bell, “Order!”

Silence permeated the room and Rainclaff continued, “And how do you come to speak for them?”

“A few months ago I was in a town ten miles south of Anilorac when the family of Polly Lancaster approached me. Miss Lancaster had been missing for six months. She was traveling from Lerner to Grimke, and never made it to Grimke. She had last been spotted in Anilorac, and then her trail went cold. After hearing about the attack on Miss Inverse, they wondered if there might be a connection and they enlisted my help to find it.”

Lina started to tremble as Camilla put a hand on her shoulder. They exchanged a glance. They hadn’t been the only ones to fight. They had been the only ones who fought and survived.

“What happened next?”

“I accompanied the Lancaster family to Anilorac, where I met the Worth and Westword families. I secured the register from the Ant’s Head Inn and found that Polly Lancaster, Opal Worth and Mary Westword had all stayed there.” He gave the dates that each woman had written by her name on the register before continuing, “I sent parties out in a fifty mile radius of Anilorac to search the registers of each inn. None of the woman had signed in at any of them after the date recorded at the Ant’s Head Inn.

“While waiting to hear word from the parties, I started searching the area using magic. Eventually I found the bodies of seven women buried in the woods not five miles away from the Ant’s Head Inn.”

Gourry wrapped an arm around her protectively as a sick feeling grew within her stomach. Zel steadily continued, “Each of them was decapitated. The Lancasters’ identified a bracelet on one of the skeletons as belonging to Polly. A ring helped us to positively identify the remains of Miss Opal Worth, and a pink hair ribbon helped us to identify Miss Mary Westword.

“We sent out notices of the discovery of female remains, along with descriptions of items found with them. That was how we identified the remains of Miss Olivia Green. We are still working to positively identify the remaining three.”

“What other evidence do you have that Miss Green stayed at the Ant’s Head Inn?”

“We have her signature on the register. Like the others she never made it to any other inn after staying at the Ant’s Head Inn and was never seen again after being spotted in Anilorac.”

Rainclaff nodded, “What other evidence do you have for us today?”

“The sworn testimony of Maude Hubbard, a maid at the Ant’s Head Inn. In it she details being paid extra by Mr. Pollan Skiro to clean rooms that had been drenched in blood and to stay silent about it.”

“Mr. Greywards, what conclusion do you draw from this evidence?”

“That Polly Lancaster, Opal Worth, Mary Westword, Olivia Green, and three others were decapitated while staying at the Ant’s Head Inn and buried. And that Pollan Skiro was aware of it.”

Rainclaff turned to face the twelve. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have heard the testimony of twenty-four woman who related the horrible ordeal of being raped by Pollan Skiro, Chris Brody, and Regis Semaj. Twenty of them also relate being raped by Captain Henry Brody before he was transferred to Rolat, and the dates that the four identified women were staying at the Ant’s Head Inn overlap the time that Captain Brody was there.

“Two report putting up a fight and being threatened with rape with an ax to their throats. And let me remind you that both Miss Camilla Perkins and Miss Lina Inverse report that they barely survived that night. Based on these facts, Mr. Greywards, what do you believe would be reasonable to conclude?”

“That Pollan Skiro, Regis Semaj, and the Brody brothers were involved in the rape and murder of those seven women.”

Pandemonium broke loose once again as members of the Skiro, Semaj, and Brody families started yelling. Camilla grabbed Lina’s hand as their side of the room also erupted and Queen Myra struggled to reign in the chaos. Gourry continued to hold her possessively as he stroked her knee while she wondered if they had continued to fight even after the ax had been brought out, choosing death over violation. Or, if like she had nearly been, they had been decapitated while struggling to survive as their tormentors became careless under the influence of too much to drink.

Survival. It had been her sole goal that night. After words she had questioned the wisdom of her narrow focus. Living with the memories of that night had caused so much pain and shame. The tangled web she had found herself in during the aftermath seemed to emphasize how much easier it would have been had she died.

But if she hadn’t have submitted and endured until an opening for an attack presented itself, how many more women would have died? How many more would have been raped? That she had made the right decision seeped into her bones. It had brought untold agony and pain to her, but it had also enabled her to end the reign of terror they had conducted. For the first time she felt as though she could forgive herself for not choosing death over violation. She had survived, and that was a good thing.

She found herself hoping that the other women had fought for survival just as fiercely as she had. For while it had left her torn and feeling impure and unclean, she still had the opportunity to live and enjoy life. And as hard as the past six months had been there had been moments of joy, sweetness and bliss.

The moment she had won and given the Blast Sword to Gourry. The exhilaration as they explored their mutual feelings of affection towards each other for the first time. The joy they found with each other. The humbleness of learning about the kindness of strangers who would risk their lives to stand beside her. The security that came with knowing that her family would back her, that her friends would support her. The outpouring of love she felt for each of them. She would never have known these things had she chosen death.

That night was torturous. But it had not ruined her. She was learning to draw strength from it. She would be stronger. Notions that women were better off dead than violated be damned.

Queen Myra eventually got the room under control. Rainclaff asked Zel if he had any further testimony and then he was turned over to the Council of Twelve for questioning. None of them had any, so after handing over the evidence he was dismissed and went to sit beside Amelia and Phil.

Rainclaff stood up and addressed the Council of Twelve, “You have now heard from twenty-five witnesses. Twenty-four of them have relayed the horrible ordeal of being raped at the Ant’s Head Inn. One spoke on behalf of seven women who have been forever silenced.”

He folded his arms across himself as he continued, “Through their testimony we have established that the Brody brothers, Skiro Pollan, and Regis Semaj had spent the past year and a half raping and at times killing women who sought shelter at the Ant’s Head Inn. Some were single, others were married. Some were mothers, others were maidens. Some traveled for a living, for others it was the first time they had left home. Some were young, others older. All that mattered to them was that they could be found alone in a room that they had paid for to shelter them.

“Eight of the women report attempting to contact the police only to find that the Brody brothers were the police. They detailed the ‘punishments’ they received for breaking their silence. They reached out for help, only to find themselves further brutalized.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you, how many more women would have suffered at their hands had Miss Lina Inverse not put a stop to it? This had already gone on for a year and a half. Reaching out to the authorities was useless. The men who were entrusted to protect the population were the very ones preying on it.

“Of course, there is no way Miss Inverse knew this at the time. What she did know was that her life was in danger. The discovery of the brutal murder of seven women confirms Miss Inverse’s fears. And as a trained and accomplished monster slayer, she did what came naturally as soon as an opportunity presented itself. She took down three men who, while not monsters, their actions were certainly monstrous.

“Had she not acted, how many more women would have been brutalized at their hands? How many more would have died?

“Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Inverse has already suffered greatly for taking down three men who were a menace to their town. I ask that the judgment of her end, and that she be allowed to live her life in peace so that she may move on and heal.”

Quiet fell through the courtroom as Rainclaff took his seat. Queen Myra rang the bell. “The council will now adjourn for deliberations.”

* * *

 

Gourry held Lina close to him as they waited with the other survivors and their loved ones in the banquet room. The mood was decidedly grim as everyone processed the news of the deaths of the seven women who had stayed there. The knowledge that each other the survivors was lucky to be there weighed on everyone’s mind.

Gourry’s mind worked overtime to not imagine what it would have been like to have walked into her room that morning only to find bloody sheets with no trace of her presence. He held her a little tighter, taking comfort in the feel of her warm body against his, thanking his luck stars that it had not been the case.

Eventually people started talking in low whispered hushes. About how cruel the families of the rapists had been. About how gut wrenching listening to the testimony was. About an insensitive question that one of the nobles asked. About how chilling Zel’s testimony was. About what was taking the Council of Twelve so long.

He noticed Lina looking at the clock nervously. He glanced at it. Two hours. They had been deliberating for two hours! After hearing Zel’s testimony it seemed like it would be a no-brainer that they would let Lina walk, but if they were taking this long did it mean that they were seriously considering handing her over to the Duke of Semaj?

He took a deep breath. Panicking would not do them any good. “May be they just want to go over the evidence that Zel brought real well.” He whispered to her.

She nodded as she continued to stare at the clock, watching as the time moved agonizingly slow. Around them people started wondering what was taking so long and how this could be anything other than a simple decision. Three hours passed, and then four. Dinner was brought in. They ate without really tasting it. If they had to go on the run who knew the next time they would be able to stop and enjoy a good meal after all?

After six hours of waiting she exchanged a nervous glance with Gourry. “I can’t sit here waiting any longer.”

He nodded, and together they stood up to head to her chambers when the door burst open. “They’ve reached a decision.” A guard said.

* * *

The mood in the courtroom was tense as people filed in and found a seat. Lina scanned the crowd for any sign of Amelia, but the princess was nowhere to be found. She took a seat at the front row as Gourry sat beside her and grabbed her hand. Finally the crowd settled down and the Council of Twelve filed in, along with Amelia and Phil.

Lina ignored the twelve nobles, and focused on making eye contact with Amelia, who smiled encouragingly when she saw her. Lina felt a weight lift off of her as the nobles seated themselves and Queen Myra rang for order. Without pomp or preamble she said, “It is the decision of this inquiry that Miss Lina Inverse did justly act in self defense when she killed Officer Brody, Mr. Semaj and Mr. Skiro. The bounty on her is hereby nullified, and she is free to travel as she pleases.”

The sound of her ringing the bell was drowned in a roar of cheers from the side of the room with the survivors and jeers from the families of the rapists. Lina paid little attention to them as Gourry lifted her up to twirl her into the air, before lowering her down to draw a kiss from her lips before swinging her around again. She laughed breathily as she clung to him while people offered their congratulations.

“Party in the banquet hall!” someone said.

Lina ignored her as Gourry set her down and she reached up to kiss him again as relief washed over her. She pulled away to look him in the eyes as people started leaving the courtroom to head to the banquet hall. “This isn’t over, slut!” someone called.

“Eat my fireball!” she said sardonically.

Gourry held her hand, desperate to get her to a safe place where none of the families members of the rapists were, “I guess we’d best get the guest of honor to the party.”

* * *

 

Lina sat down across from Zel, “I can’t thank you enough for the leg work you did there.” She said.

He smiled at her, pleased that her earlier reticence to talk with him had vanished. “That’s what friends are for. Besides, once I got involved and met with the families of the missing women, it was hard to turn my back.”

Lina took a sip of wine. She decided she was going to indulge a little and to hell with what anyone thought, even if she wasn’t going to allow herself more than one glass. “You’re not the heartless mystical swordsman you paint yourself to be.”

“He’s mellowed out.” Amelia said as she sat beside him.

“And what was your role in that?” Lina asked slyly.

“Princess Amelia, why did the deliberations take so long?” Celia asked as she sat down beside Lina.

Amelia groaned. “Well, the Duke of Semaj wields considerable influence, and money. And several weren’t comfortable with a commoner killing a noble under any circumstances. But news of the murders has already started to spread. People are already calling for the blood of Captain Brody, and the people under the duke are wondering if he knew anything or not. It took some convincing, but finally Queen Myra got a majority to agree to clear Miss Lina.”

Lina did not want to ask how large that majority was. “And the bounty has been rescinded?”

“It has. The Duke is not too happy about it, but he has a caseload of his own problems. Namely that some former chambermaids have stepped forward with their own allegations against him. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“But would they really prosecute a Duke?” Lina asked incredulously.

“He’ll likely get a slap on the wrist in all honesty. But the important thing is that if Queen Myra catches a whiff that he’s offering money for your head she can seize his assets.”

Lina wasn’t firmly convinced that would stop someone bound and determined to have her head, but it would have to do. “So, now that you’ve been cleared, what are you going to do?” Celia asked.

Lina shrugged. “Haven’t given much thought to it. Maybe I’ll visit the folks back home. Or maybe not.”

Celia smiled warily, “I’d like to go home. But I’m going down with the others to Rolat to testify against Captain Brody.”

“And now that he’s got murder charges, it’s likely that the next time he sets foot outside of a jail it will be to go to the gallows.” Zel said.

“You can come with us.” Celia said as she looked at Lina.

Lina smiled tiredly. There were many good reasons to go to Rolat. To give support to those that had supported her. To see Pearl and congratulate her on sending Det Ybund to jail for many years. And to witness her at her debutante ball that she couldn’t stop writing about. At the same time she felt a strange pull towards home. In all the years she had been gone she’d not once been asked to come home. Maybe it was time to go there.

“You have to come with us!” Sefonie said, “None of this would have been possible without you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lina asked.

“First you killed three of the monsters, then you went to Seyruun and told the truth about what happened.” Sefonie explained, “If you hadn’t have done that, none of us would have met each other. We’d be grappling with this alone.”

Lina shifted uncomfortably as Gloria said, “Exactly! None of them would ever have been brought to justice if you hadn’t have been brave enough…”

“Now hold on!” Lina said as she blushed uncharacteristically, “I just did it to slip the noose. It wasn’t like I thought any of this would happen.”

“You could have kept running, though.” Celia insisted. “But you took a stand, you said you’d done nothing wrong and you proved it and brought all of us together.”

“Do you know what a relief it was to learn that I wasn’t the only one?” Gloria asked.

“And just to meet everyone, to have someone to talk to about all of this.” Sefonie added.

“None of this was what I set out to do.” Lina protested.

“That doesn’t matter. What mattered is that you did!” Celia said with conviction and the others nodded in agreement.

For some strange reason she felt irritated, “You should be clapping yourselves on the back. You’re the ones who put a lot on the line to come and speak for someone you’d never met.” Lina pointed out, and in a flash she knew what she had to do. “Dammit, that settles it. I guess I do owe it to you to cheer you on in Rolat.”

* * *

 

“When will we be leaving?” Gourry asked as she lay nestled in his arms, one hand between her legs manipulating her clit.

“You…” she breathed huskily, “You want to talk business while you’re, oh…keep doing that.”

He grinned as he leaned forward slightly and started to suckle on a rosy pink nipple. While she had quickly become a pro at giving pleasure, receiving had been difficult. But tonight they were making headway. He swirled his fingers faster around her nub as he pulled away from her breast to say, “I’d just like to know how much longer we have to hang around here.”

She opened her eyes drowsily as he put his lips back to her nipple and then closed them again as she started to move her hips rhythmically. “Ask…ask me in the morning.” She said quickly as his free hand started to massage her unattended breast.

He focused on pleasuring her, encouraged by the soft moans of ecstasy that escaped her lips. He pulled his lips back as he whispered, “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to make you feel this good?”

Her eyes shot open as she grabbed his arm, his words combined with his hand on her most sensitive area was doing something strange but delectable to her body. She breathed deeply as she teetered on the edge of control. Suddenly he moved, taking his mouth and hand away from her breast as he did. She cried out in protest as he settled himself between her legs. She looked at him curiously, wondering what he was going to do, focusing on the sky blue color of his eyes and the love that radiated from them to distract herself from the fact that he was staring at her most private area as he suddenly traded the hand he had there for his mouth.

Lina grabbed the bed sheets as she cried out his name in delight. He swirled his tongue around her clit as she buckled her hips to his lips, desperate for more. After months of hard work she was finally able to let herself experience the pleasures of lovemaking to its fullest.

She had never experienced waves of pleasure so rapturous before. And as they swelled in intensity she found that she was insatiable. She wanted more, she wanted to feel him move within her. But how, when it would mean that he would have to remove his lips from her clit?

Without having to be asked, he seemed to pick up on her need. Gently he slipped a finger into her entrance, circling it in a slow manner that was so deliciously delectable that she felt herself loose herself to the feelings he was arousing within her. Her back arched, and a scream tore through her throat as bliss radiated throughout her body. Gourry pulled away and started to prep himself as he watched her, satisfied that he had finally gotten her to the pleasure point.

He lumbered over her and entered her as she was coming down, and leaned to whisper in her ear, “I love you.”

She ground her hips against him as she struggled to get her bearings, and then wondered why she was trying to do so. Instead she raised her hips to meet his in a welcome greeting, taking him home within her as she lost herself in lovemaking. She squeezed him, the most intimate form of a hug imaginable and he cried her name as he brought his lips down to hers to kiss her deeply. She could taste herself on his lips as she drank him deeply while he moved within her.

She ran her fingers down his spine to cup his buttocks, focusing on what felt nice as they worked to love each other.

* * *

 

Lina studied Gourry’s face as his slept. She was on her back, his head nestled against her chest as they held each other. This was the man she had battled hell with and won back. And now he was the man who had walked with her through hell. She stroked his hair gently as she reflected on all that they had been through. She had never asked him to be her protector, but she was never more grateful that he had wanted the job so desperately that he had appointed himself as so.

He sighed in his sleep as he held her a little tighter. She smiled. Not only had he stayed by her side and saw her through some of her darkest of nights, but he had shown her the difference between what those men had done to her and lovemaking. The idiot had been right. Rape and lovemaking were two completely different things.

One was about power, dominance, pain and humiliation. The other was about mutual pleasure, giving and receiving, and the physical manifestation of affection. And Gourry was the first man to touch her so tenderly and to awaken a cavern of pleasure she had not known existed.

She kissed the crown of his head and held him a little tighter and resolved to never let him go.

* * *

 

Lina, Gourry and Zel were unused to traveling in such a large group, and truthfully it was a relief when they made it safely to Rolat. They accepted Pearl’s offer to stay with them, enabling them to spend the week of Captain Brody’s trial in comfortable quarters. It did not take the jury long to convict him and sentence him to the gallows. The group was divided into those who wanted to stay to see him hang and those who did not.

“As for me, I don’t need to see it.” Lina said as she leaned back against Gourry.

“You’re ready to get back on the road again, aren’t you?” Gourry asked as he tussled her hair.

“Actually I’m ready to go back home.” Lina said. “Mom keeps pestering me.”

“And then what?”

Lina shrugged, “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of settling down?” he teased.

“Well, it would seem a waste now that we have the Blast Sword.” She conceded, “And there’s still plenty of things to see and do. But people are still talking about me. It’s different now. I’m the hero of the Ant’s Head Inn attacks. And while it’s better than being the slut or the rape victim, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I’d just like some time to lie low, let it blow over. Eventually people will find something else to talk about.”

He put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed them gently, “Whatever you want, I’ll be by your side.”

She smiled at him. After the attack had happened, keeping everything the same and forgetting had been her driving forces. But life was change. She was not the same person she had been before. She was more understanding and less quick to judge other’s weaknesses. She was stronger. And rather than focusing on forgetting she was working on acceptance. Something horrific had happened, but she was not going to stay trapped by it.

“Damn straight.” She said. She thought back to all of the support he had given, all that he had shared of his past with her. At first she was baffled by how someone could have experienced such a tragedy and found the strength to move on and be happy with their life. But now she understood.

Life was too short to remain stuck on one bad day. Before it had happened she chased happiness like it was money. And now, wherever she ended up, she would do it once more.


End file.
